The ads for the new Calvin Klein men's fragrence Crave bring back lots of memories. Because they show a screen in a living room displaying an actual film? Because the star of the movie in the ad looks like Joe Dellesandro's blond brother, a lean, long-haired stoner? Because all these things are relics of another era?

Well, yes, but more striking is the fact we've been down this road before. In the early 90's, Calvin came out with an eerily similar series of ads that were bomblasted with criticism for insinuating kiddie porn. Apparently the Revolutionary Art Direction is now Old Hat after movies like Kids and L.I.E..

The Voice of the Mysterious Stranger from the old ads is gone, replaced by a living room that's just as creepy. I can't quite put my finger on what's off but it's something to do with the flashes of skateboarder chest crossed with the dimly lit clutter framing the scene.

I see guys like this all the time, cruising Santa Monica Boulevard on the edge of West Hollywood looking for tricks. They hang at bus stops and if you stare longer than a second, even out of morbid curiosity, it's considered interest. To get your attention, they'll whistle and cock their heads like they're talking to a pet bird. They are, to quote a T-shirt, Young, Dumb and Full of Cum.

Sounds like a sales demographic to me. I'm not quite sure who else this commercial speaks to. Maybe some closeted skaterboy who secretly films his best friend and watches it when his parents are at Tuck Everlasting. Maybe the neighbor who lets the boys on the block use his pool and smoke joints in his garage. Maybe I don't want to know and if the smell is half as creepy as the ads, I'd rather wear Old Spice.

11:48:35 PM    sro home /

I don't usually talk about politics here but in case you weren't aware, California is going through an ugly Governor's race between the Democratic Gray Davis and the Republican Bill Simon. The general consensus is it's a choice between two evils although Simon has managed to sleaze into second place in the polls. I traditionally vote Democrat and have given the whole fiasco little attention except for one thing.

Bill Simon. I'd do him.

I'm crazy about glasses on a man. I don't consider it a fetish exactly but I definately dig the whole Clark Kent thing. Now that glasses are more of a choice than a requirement, I find the option incredibly sexy. I still harbor the old "Men Don't Make Passes At Girls Who Wear Glasses" school of thought, so flagrently disregarding the need for approval is bold in my book.

Given his track record for disclosure, Simon may not really need glasses at all. It may just tap into the same school of thought, public evidence of his "intelligence" or "let's get to work" or some other P.R.B.S. Whatever, it works for me.

He also has this "jock look" he's managed to hold onto. Never being Big in the Sports Department, I consider the look akin to being an Alien and act accordingly.

Don't get me wrong, I've dated guys with "that look". A number of them, natch, since it is one of my predilictions. Years ago, I met a humpa-pumpa in this vein at the three-day closing party for a NY disco called The Saint. We left early in the morning and went back to my place and had a grand ol' time. His drug of choice that evening was pot and I was more than happy to oblige.

My choice, needless to say for the time, was a little more complicated and while he was falling asleep, my phone rang. It was my best friend Marc calling from his apartment full of people.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? COME OVER HERE NOW."

Click. I left Mr. Humpa-Pumpa dozing in bed and three hours later when I returned, he was still snoozing. Just enough time to recharge the batteries and commence Round Two.

The point is, weeks later I went to Boston to visit him and saw him play softball and met Micheal Dukakis and then, halfway through the Boston Pops Concert, I left. I was bored out of my mind and despite his clean-cut "jock look", I desperately needed to get back to People Who Are Smart.

So far, Bill Simon's campaign has been pretty dumb. I just keep hoping we can wade through this performance and get back to a place, anyplace, with People Who Are Smart.

5:40:42 PM    sro home /

Thanks for the plug Reverse Cowgirl. You are as clever as you are beautiful, qualities that aren't to be taken lightly.

1:50:44 PM    sro home /

SpongeBob SquarePants is being touted as the new gay Icon ousting, so they claim, Teletubby Tinky Winky as the preferred children's character of queer choice.

First, let me set the record straight. Tinky Winky was not an Official Gay Character. He was given the crown by Jerry Falwell who claimed the Teletubby was gay because a) "he, she, it" carries a purse, b) the lavender color of "it's" skin and c) the antennae or whatever it is on "it's" head is shaped like a triangle, like the pink triangles that actually were Nazi symbols used to differentiate gay prisoners during the Holocaust. Falwell is obviously not the deemer of things "gay". In my opinion, he's not the deemer of much except slimey and poor attempts to mislead his following with lame propoganda.

That said, let's get to the real point. SpongeBob SquarePants is a cartoon. Unless there's something I'm missing, cartoon characters don't have sexual preferences. Especially sponges. We're not talking Rosie here, there's no Lesbo Cartoon Haircut and there's no legislation banning sponges from adopting other sponges in the state of Florida. Trying to figure out SpongeBob's sexuality is, and you'd think rather logically, a moot point.

Now that I got that out of the way, I love SpongeBob. I watched the show religiously and while I don't remember anything particularly queer about the show, I do remember it's funny. This is as rare on TV as Ugly Attorneys and as far as I'm concerned, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

SpongeBob's Loafer Lightness is attributed to his carefree attitude, his quirky sense of fun and that he's been seen holding hands with Patrick... a starfish. Patrick is my favorite character given his ever-present willingness to do anything that sounds amusing. In other words, the two of them are infinitely childlike and how this got translated into Gay is anyone's guess.

Or not. I have no problem being catagorized as fun, funny and popular in preferred demographics. SpongeBob merchandise is flying off the shelves and I myself own a SpongeBob T-shirt. Maybe next year I'll wear it at Gay Pride, "We're here, we're yellow and porous, get used to it!"

12:16:49 PM    sro home /

The author David Sedaris was on Letterman last night reading some of his work. If you're not familiar with him, and writing of this ilk (like mine in Standing Room Only) is up your alley, then you owe it to yourself to check him out. I don't presume to compare myself to him, but he is a role-model of mine for writing I'm more than glad to push on anyone.

I first came across his writing about 15 years ago when he had a piece in the Village Voice called "The Santaland Diaries" about his experiences being a Macy's elf one holiday. It was so laugh-out-loud funny, I cut it out and still have it saved somewhere. Since then, he's had three books published Barrel Fever, Naked and his current book he's touting Me Talk Pretty One Day. The best (in my opinion) was Naked but his new work is pretty stellar.

They are all basically short stories told about his family growing up and his life. He's unabashedly gay, extremely funny and manages to make you think. "Sigh"... my hero.

I've never seen him before "in person" and he was kind-of elf-like. He's small and has a voice that sounds as if he's talking with Helium.

His sister is Amy Sedaris, an actress who briefly had a show on Comedy Central about the adventures of an older woman going back to High School. Damn, I wish I could remember the name of the show. Hackneyed as the premise sounds, it was way over the top and just the sight of her would make you giggle. She's moved on and often guest stars on other series.

Letterman was very supportive although he had the air of not knowing exactly what to do with Sedaris. They chatted for a few minutes, then Sedaris gave a "reading", standing in front of the audience and reading a new story from a podium. The audience was very receptive and laughed alot but still, the sight of him giving what looked like a lecture from his book tour in these surroundings was kinda bizarre.

If you haven't read any of his stuff, check it out. Really, you will be very glad you did.

9:21:45 AM    sro home /