"Well that look's complicated."

"Ghost Ship. Could you get more subtle?"

"It's like something written on the script cover to seperate it from Scary Killer and Vengeful Bitch."

"Citizen Kane, Dead Guy."

"She turned down $25 mil from E.R. for this?"

"Maybe it's going to franchise. Ghost Dingy and Ghost Ferry."

"That would be Rock Hudson."

"Not funny. Besides, he wasn't a fairy."

"I bet Edith Head whipped him up a few Halloween get-ups."

"Ghost Drag."

"You boo, girl."

6:22:06 PM    sro home /

Dear Bloggy,

I agree with you. Alot of the things I read are so boring. Do people really think everybody wants to read this stuff? It's like reading a textbook from school.

Love, Debbie

Dear Debbie,

Tell me about it. Some of these blogs are worse than textbooks, they're Visual Valium and I'd rather crawl across the Mojave. All I wanna know is where are the Montgomery Cliff Notes? If you ever say the word Discourse other than on Da Putting Green, then you need to get up and find Mrs. Winkle and start knocking boots.

I love you too Debbie (in that Best Friend's Wedding kind of way) and your note was the prostate in my other-wise fecal day.

4:16:15 PM    sro home /

Dear Bloggy,

You mention Gotham in your last reply. Are you Gay Batman?

A Fan

Dear Fan,

Are you on crack? Only if Batman is Your Mother's Worse Nightmare.

No, the only thing Batman and I have in common is I once tried on a rubber shirt at the Pleasure Chest. They put baby powder inside to help you get it on and when I took it off I looked like a Krispy Kreme gone terribly wrong.

If, however, you're interested in applying for Robin, I'd be more than happy to look over your so-called resumé. I have a Bat Couch perfect for Bat Fucking and here's hoping you have a Big Thing for the Underworld.

Waiting for your Signal - B.

3:11:42 PM    sro home /

Dear Bloggy,

Despite your criticism, many of us in the Blogosphere find Blogs a valuable source of information and opinions about world events. If you read some of the Blogs concerning the current political situation, you might discover how important this emerging form of journalism is to shaping popular opinion.

Sincerely, B. K.

Dear Buzz Kill,

My initial reaction to your LoveNote was this guy seriously needs to get laid. No kiddin', I'd even go so far as to recommend a hooker. Anyone who casually uses words like "Blogosphere" has some serious issues with Gettin' Jiggy. I bet you still say "vagina" when you finally get some chick in bed. Yeah, that's a real Busta' Move.

As for journalism, do you even read your local paper? I do three things with a paper - the crossword, the comics and the TV Guide. Trust me, for years when I lived in Gotham, I'd lug home the Sunday Times and spend hours trolling through all twenty pounds. Still, the first thing I'd read was the Magazine and if there wasn't something regarding the New Black, fuggedaboutit.

Not everyone in the world gets a Serious Hardon for Bush Whacking. Especially when the guys (and it always seems to be guys, doesn't it?) ain't Nobody Nohow, least nobody I wanna spend two minutes of my precious time wasting brain cells on. I only have two left, and I'd rather use them both for fretting over Madge's Next Big Career Move. At least then I'd be back here on Planet Earth where I can just hit Random on the CD remote instead of listening to the same tired old song.

Love-osphere-ingly yours - B.

2:18:10 PM    sro home /

"If you wonder what God thinks of money, look at who he gave it to." - Dorothy Parker

That God, always good for a laugh. I remember once, we were all just goofin', the way we do. I sat down because I was thinkin' "wow, I am so wasted" and I look up and God was like "hey, look at me!". He was doing that funny dance he does, the one with all the arms and stuff. Man, I thought I'd pee in my pants.

He's not always like that, you know (I mean the whole "He" thing alone is pretty good though). Sometimes we'd just be leaning against his car, smokin' and God's like "damn, what am I going to do about Liza?" Real thoughtful. I think that's pretty cool how he thinks about Celebrities that way. Most people are like "celebrities suck" but God's not like that. He really wants to help.

I understand. It's tough with war and all, it's alot of responsibility and alot of people really take advantage of God. Still, he manages to take some time and think about people like Liza and it's sweet. I told him I'd be willing to put off my whole "AIDS thing" if it helped but he said "nah, don't worry about it". Just like that, he was all soft-spoken and humble. Sometimes I think he's Kevin Costner.

I love God. Really, I know it sounds kinda faggy but I mean it in a guy-way. I mean, he's my bro, my dog, my main homie. He's super cool and if that's bad, man I don't wanna be good.

1:04:02 PM    sro home /