11:44:21 PM    sro home /

Today the Reverse Cowgirl mentioned in her blog she was going to be on Playboy Radio. Radio, who knew? She was on a call-in talk show called Night Calls with two other chicks. So I called.

I've never called in to a Radio Show before and, oddly enough, got a little nervous when I actually got through!!! The guy answering the phone was very nice, getting my name and telling me The Rules: No last names and no Brand names. I'd at least figured out I was calling some kind of sex show and I couldn't think of any Sex Toy Brand Names (Big John??) so I wasn't too worried. They put me on hold and I waited for them to tell me when to talk.

While I was waiting I could hear the show. The girls were all apparently talking to Billy Bob Trucker Man who'd called in to ask how he could get off faster with a woman. Hmmm... maybe I was supposed to have some kind of a Sex Question. Oh no, I forgot I'm gay! Then I was On The Air.

ReverseCowgirl quickly figured out who I was (from here since we've never met in person or spoken before) and before things got too complicated told them - on the air - that I was gay. Poor Reverse Cowgirl. I was calling to give a little emotional support and her one caller is a Big Fag. Oops.

In true professional manner, the girls quickly turned the conversation to something I might know about - anal sex. It turns out one of the women is a Porn Star and loves anal sex. She then told the cutest little story about how she masturbated while driving to the studio and fantasized about having anal sex. Uh, ok.

They then took a break and I was apparently put on hold again. I wasn't sure if I'd been just dropped due to my lack of Hetero-ism and was about to hang up when they came back and it turns out I was still on the air.

Here the conversation turned to Mr. Winkie, that little hybrid dog that has become famous for it's odd and slightly creepy looks. I started to panic, thinking my call had ruined whatever Sexual Point, if any, there was to the show. In social situations where I feel uneasy, I tend to be a talker and I couldn't tell you what exactly we said after that.

Finally, my time was up. I had managed to give them one piece of advice regarding making a man cum quicker (finger up the ass, natch) and got to say hello to the infamous RCG. After many warm farewells, my Playboy moment rode into the sunset.

6:31:04 PM    sro home /

Hey! This is Ashley from the chat. I just wanted you to know that I got my webcam set up and thought you might like to see me on it. I'm having lots of fun doing little shows on it. I'm acting more naughty by the minute! Come see me on my webcam by clicking HERE!

Dear Ashley.

So where's the Twin Sister? I'll gladly click on your "webcam" if it promises the both of you shoved in a microwave like Giant Hamsters and put on Incinerate.

As for the "acting naughty" part, it's time you acted like something. Turning both of your Numbingly Banal Lives into Video Ops in your quest for world domination hasn't hit the bull's eye yet. Give me a jingle when one of your "little shows" includes Vin Diesel naked and begging to give me his babies and I'll get back to you.

Doubled in Pain - B.

3:03:52 PM    sro home /

2:19:00 PM    sro home /

Dear Bloggy,

Why don't you answer personal problems? I don't have a blog yet but I might start one but right now I'm having alot of issues with my boyfriend. Will you help me?

Stressed In The Midwest

Dear SIM,

While I feel for you in your time of need, I'm not Dr. Joyce Brothers. This is why we have friends, to hold our hands and listen to our woes while thinking what a loser your BF is and how shocked they are that you never knew.

You do have friends, don't you? Or did you decide that limiting your social interactions to one other dysfunctional creature was enough and let yourself drift away from those who, uh, actually like you?

Starting a blog might be the answer to your problem. If you surf around, you'll find lots of other Emotionally Challenged individuals who use blogging as a sounding board for their personal dilemmas. You'll probably also find that your BFIssues, while distressful in a "He won't do the dishes" kind of way are nothing compared to the burdens others shoulder. Imagine your life being dull, or poorly written or even Political. See? Suddenly the toilet lid seems like a moot point.

If (after you begin a Blog and your BF is still around after a week of you ignoring his constant complaints about lack of food in the house) you're still Lost on the Map of Love, consider his carping Food For Thought and leave your computor sitting with your notes about his Narcissism in full view. When you come back from the store with loads of frozen pizzas, you may be lucky enough to find he got the hint and will have hopefully moved on to another Whipping Post for his Needy Neurosis.

11:33:19 AM    sro home /

1:22:44 AM    sro home /