"Guess what I'm going as Halloween?"

"A witch."

"No. A Registered Companion."

"Like the chick on Firefly?"

"Exactly."

"How will you do that?"

"Well first I'll look like Catherine Zeta Jones."

"Oh.Ok. So you'll have babies for Old Men."

"Minus that part."

"Just the Phone Commercials."

"Exactly. Then I'll get a dress from a Renaissance Fair."

"Like all the hookers do."

"I'm not a hooker. I'm an RC."

"Ok."

"And I'm fabulous."

"Ok."

"You're fired."

"Ok."

9:34:02 PM    sro home /

7:29:53 PM    sro home /

I just saw a segment on Fashion TV about fabrics. Apparently they now have a fabric that seeps Vitamin C into your skin while you wear it. No kiddin'. Vitamin C is one of those things you just can't get enough of I guess but I can quickly think of several other chemicals I'd be more than willing to let seeth into my body all day.

1. A coffee shirt. Save me the time and money of walking around the corner for a latté fix. I'd just throw the shirt on, loll around my pad for a few and then boom, ready to whiz through all my morning phone calls.

2. Pot shirt. Need I say more. Would certainly alleviate all the scheduling issues re: going to the movie in the proper mood and walking through the parking light smoking a J and wondering if anyone cares.

3. Mellow Hats. The chemical in this case could be anything that relaxes and chills. I'd definately have a MH rack by my front door for visitors to don before I have to deal with them.

4. Speedy Shorts. Something to add a little Kick to the Mix. Not that heinous edginess that Crystal Meth addicts have but somehing a little peppier than just coffee. This would be perfect for LA where I often find myself in the position of feeling I need to be "On" when I definately feel Off.

For all we know this is an old idea and we've been sent secret compounds for ages. Everyone has a Favorite Shirt, the one you know you always look good in and feel like a Million bucks. Now I know why and it isn't because blue brings out my eyes.

2:46:49 PM    sro home /

Salon has an article today about the "Un-Network" which is a local (LA) showing of unshown sit-com pilots at a Club here that has been making a buzz. I wrote an article for Salon three months ago about this when it started. My article was eventually whittled down to a blurb accompanying an Salon Audio segment from the group's CD, The Un and Only. I guess now that the Un-Network is showing in NYC (where Salon Headquarters are) the idea is considered interesting enough to showcase.

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SEGMENT IS FULL OF BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT

At the end of Chicano Carrina's article today they didn't even link to the Audio piece, it was all just more links to CC's recent articles about the new TV season. Salon tepidly responded to submissions I've sent them (after publishing the first article I sent them last year) and then CC writes an article on the same subject weeks (or months) later. This leads me to believe:

1. They don't like my writing (other than the two things they've used). They've replied to my submissions with remarks like "very funny but not something we need" and "feel free to send us more". I even sent an article once to CC herself, naively expecting some Writer Support or Helpful Remarks. Her reply was "Don't send this to me." No kiddin'.

2. CC is an evil, self-centered, back-stabbing Bitch who only cares about climbing the corporate ladder and hence purposefully derails my writing. Rest assured, I have no evidence of any of this being true, just seething Gut Instinct.

Irregardless, I have stopped sending submissions to Salon and have chosen instead to write for Standing Room Only. Here my delightful readers can find out the real scoop months before Editors wean through their personal crisises and I don't have to worry about the whole process at all. Money is also not the point, they don't pay that well. As for "status" or "by-lines" or whatever it's called, big whoop. If I were in my twenties pursuing a career in this area, I might be more interested. But I'm not and I'm not. So there.

END OF BITTER RESENTFUL SECTION

That feels a little better.

I took a workshop last year with Beth and Greg, the founders of the Un-Cabaret mentioned. It was the first (and only) time I'd done something which I consider an LA Standard - taking some class or classes for the purpose of performing. The Workshop lasted 5 weeks and while I have little interest in performing professionally, it did help me focus my writing and point of view. Each week every participant gave a brief comic monologue and we all discussed and critiqued. Alot of the people were already doing stand-up and had been in clubs around the city. I was shocked at how fundamentally Not Funny alot of them were and the idea that these might possibly be the Sit-Com Stars of the future was a very bleak idea indeed.

Blogging has been touted as the New Journalism and sceptical of this concept as I was, I have to admit I depend less on Mainstream Journalism (like Salon) for interesting perspectives on current media. Blogs are direct, honest and free of the tepid Corporatism I read in most reviews and opinion pieces and I often(as with the Un-Network article) feel like they've been phoned in and made to sound more News-Breaking than they are.

CC fails to mention how kooky Beth and Greg are in "Real Life". She doesn't talk about what it's like to hear the Stars of these un-aired sit-coms talk before the showing about the real experience of making the show. She doesn't mention how weird yet comforting it is to be sitting in a club watching TV (even on a Big Screen) with a group that laughs at all the things TV usually avoids for the Big Jokes. She doesn't mention all these things because obviously she's never been to a night at the Un-Network. I have and I'm going to write about this stuff when I experience it. Just for You.

12:50:08 PM    sro home /