Hey Evil Queen.

Hello.

How's it going?

Fine.

So you're pretty Evil huh?

So they say.

Uh, what exactly makes you so Evil?

Where have you been? I try killing Beautiful Young Maidens. Hello.

Well... you didn't really try and kill her. You just made her go into a coma. Until her Prince came along.

Like I thought that would ever happen.

Tell me about it. Try living in LA.

No thanks. I'm fine in my Imposing Castle.

Yeah, I bet. Pretty cool place you got there. Say, what's the Market Value of that baby?

Eternal damnation.

No kiddin'?

At least that's what I told Oprah.

No interest huh?

I didn't say that.

(gulp) Well, you are pretty glamorous.

Aren't I.

I mean, if you like that kind of thing.

Mmm.

Uh, I should let you get back to your, uh, Evil.

Yes, I have tons of mirrors to call.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Yes?

So, uh, who is the fairest of them all?

You're kidding right? I have no idea.

None?

Botox, darling. I can barely tell who's Snow White anymore.

I see your point.

Being an Evil Queen isn't what it used to be.

Look at Calvin Klein.

Must I?

Well... thanks for the chat.

And?

Uh, your Highness.

Ne rien.

Bye.

(click)

5:30:09 PM    sro home /

In honor of the release of the second Harry Potter Movie, I went out on a limb yesterday and watched the first Harry Potter Movie on HBO and I watched it for the first time! If, unlike myself, you have children this concept might be hard to grasp. Urban Legend would have us believe any child worth their lunch money has already seen the film around a million times. Especially, we're told, the ones who've already read the book about a million times.

I have, to my credit, read all of the Harry Potter books and now having seen the first film am a little perplexed over all the Hoo-Ha. I mean, c'mon, you know what happens. Unless I blinked, there weren't Added Love Interests or Plot Twists. Harry, to noone's surprise, survives his ordeal pretty much like he did on the written page. Yeah, ok.

The few unexpected touches I found in the movie were minimal. I was a little fascinated by the candles that float in the dining hall. They bob which I hadn't pictured. I'm no big Magic Expert but it made me wonder exactly what we're talking about here. Invisible balloons? Lazy invisible hands? Resistant wax? It was a big Mensa Moment for me while the blahblahblah of the plot carried on.

The other thing that distracted me was the girl's hair. HUGE AMOUNTS of it. If she'd been an adult, we're talking Diana Ross Big, Roseanne RosannaDanna Big. It was like Sasquatch holding a Kewpie Doll. Granted, Harry Potter World is in some unspecified time but any girl that age nowadays, Wizardess or Not, would only have that much hair if it was all colored extensions, like Christina Aguilara.

I ultimately relate to Haggard. Oversized, living alone in his Remote yet Charming Bachelor Pad, thinks the world of his three headed dog. Quite the Role Model.

If anything (and perhaps intentionally) it made me want to read the book again, just to solidify the World I first imagined. I had the same feeling after seeing the first Lord of The Rings flick (which, just for the record, I stopped watching around half-way). I'd read LOTR so long ago (in sixth grade, as a matter of fact) that while the World I'd Imagined had become distant, the movie vaguely reminded me why I found the books entrancing. The movie, however, lacks all the Fascinating Detail stuff, the stuff that's the Building Block of Book Reading Joy.

I firmly believe there are Two Kinds of People: Those Who Read and Those Who Don't Read. Having always been a TWR type, seeing the shadow of the Real Thing on the screen just makes me pity the rest who never bothered to truely be taken to another world.

4:30:54 PM    sro home /

When perusing my Referrer's Rankings this morning, I discovered I was listed on a blog called Fact or Fiction?. I'm certainly flattered and appreciative of any link and one of the posts on ForF led me to this extremely creepy yet absorbing site: Ultimate Flash Face. I'm assuming UFF is a tool used by either Police Sketch Artists or Social Misanthrops, the ones who in Popular Science Fiction are always creating a Fembot to be their Personal Love-Slaves.

The program allows you to manipulate a number of pre-programed features into a face of your choosing. This is apparently the male version, as the choice of features includes Moustache, Beards and an odd assortment of the most unflattering Eyeglasses ever. Hairstyles are also limited to Male Dos, mostly those worn by Car Salesmen and Potential Uni-Bombers. No SuperModel material unfortunately and I could neither find a BeeHive nor the Big Trophy Wife Hair I was aiming for.

My resulting composite (which you can name, save and leave notes about) is "Rosie", the name Tammy unfortunately having already been taken. She's a sassy Lipstick Lesbian with Nouveau Nerd Glasses and a Post-Queer Flattop. She's noted as prefering The Indigo Girls and Strap-Ons. Quelle exotic. If you visit the site, there's a listing of creations and feel free to give Rosie a polite What's Up.

12:04:16 PM    sro home /

12:18:34 AM    sro home /