Grab your copy, grab your beverage of choice and let's dish -

COVER: Hardly looks like Nicole Kidman, does it? Tan and looking Fabulous.
GAP: How Over Long Scarves am I already? Thank God I don't live somewhere you need them.
DONNA KARAN: Incredibly weird looking man who reminds me of Marc Jacobs. Girls seem to like this Quirky look but not My Thing.
ST. JOHN: This woman has been doing the St. John Ads since the invention of the camera. Rumor has it she's the Owner's Daughter which explains it. Can you say Glenn Close?
VICTORIA'S SECRET: Do women really wear these little lacy things? What is it? A skirt? I have no idea.
DOONEY & BOURKE: Weird make-up, recurring Initial Pattern on purse. Been there.
EXPRESS: AKA Limited Express. Every trend rolled into one picture. Ugh, give us some room to breath please. You'd be surprised how much money they spend on Ads. I shot with them years ago in Paris with Patrick Demarchielier - Big Bucks, Big Egos, Little Creativity. Runway Ideas stolen and watered down to Mall Wear.
HERMES: Gimme Gimme Gimme. 'Specially with the wrap-around band.
DAVID YURMAN: Nice photo, cheesy jewelry.
CONTENTS: OK, Miss Zeta-Jones, I'm impressed. You can sing too? Could be a little less Cabaret, but I'm willing to wait and see.
TIFFANY: Elsa Peretti. Shot her with Matthew Ralston ages ago. Diva Deluxe with a fat old husband lurking everywhere. I have, however, bought this necklace as a present. It used to be sold on a chain which I'd traded for a rawhide cord. The silk it comes with now is a nice touch.
TARGET: Gee, thanks for letting everyone know where you shop for Christmas. #17: Baby Blue Shearling set - cute. #33: Micheal Graves Waffle Maker - someone with Too Much Time on their hands. #77: Fuji Q1 Camera - great price, great design. #74: Mattel Digital Music Maker - Whaa? Mattel? Pre-school Raves on the way. Call Jude Law's kid.
NAUTICA: Banana Republic for the Overpaid.
COACH: Correges Look-Alike Repeated Logo... again. Puppies. What can you say bad about puppies?
TRESOR: Perfume strip. So 80's.
EMPORIO ARMANI GLASSES: Is this the chick that plays the DA on Law and Order: SVU? Looks like her and I'd bet she was a Model before she was a TV Glamazon.
BANANA REPUBLIC: What's up with the Flintstone Fur Vest?
BEHIND THE SCENES: Talking about the travails of shooting the pictures. There's a reference to the August Saunders Photo the Friends Portrait by Annie Leibowitz in this issue is based on. I own the Saunders photo! I bought it maybe 15 years ago and it's one of my favorite possessions. The original picture is of traveling carnival folk taken during the Nazi reign in 1930s Germany. Leibowitz's Interpretation is of Zillionaire celebrities taken during the Bush Reign in early 21st Century America.

The original Saunders Photograph on My Wall

NISSAN: Hell's Angels like Art. No kiddin'.
YSL RIVE GAUCHE PURSE: Work. If I was a woman, I'd kill for this purse.
PG. 134: Check out the little distorted pic of Jackie O. How freaky-deaky is that? Weegee, no less, and way before PhotoShop.
LOUIS VUITTON: More Initialed Logo Luggage. LV has, to their credit, done it the best but the Stephen Sprouse LV was the one to have. What happened to Marc Jacobs?
PGS. 144-145, SONY: Are these real Pygmies? If so, how much did they get paid? What do Pygmies do with money? Was the shoot catered? Do they have an agent?
PG. 152, AUDRA McDONALD: Very cool. I saw her at Lincoln Center in Carousel and in the Broadway Production of Ragtime. Amazing voice, amazing actress.
PG. 154, MERCEDES: Noteworthy or Blatant Plug?
PG. 161, BAND OF BROTHERS: Bruce Weber shoot? Banana Republic ad? Fooled you... Violent History.
PG. 171, MOET: Drunk girl with messy hair. Weeee!!!!
PG.175, HARRY WINSTON: La la la... having coffee while wearing a Zillion Dollars in Diamonds. I love you darling but give me a Starbucks or two...
PG. 180, DOMINICK DUNNE: Read while pretending you care about these people, I dare you.
PG. 185, GUESS: Guess what planet they're from, Guess why they're dressed this way, Guess why Kid Rock is the muse for this stuff...
PG. 192, CINEMA CHICAGO: Will be hard to beat the B'Way revival with Bebe Neuwirth, Ann Reinking and Bob Fosse Dancing but hey, more power to them. Anything on screen would be better than Jackass.
PG. 205, SPECIAL AD SECTION: Bang & Olufsun BeoSound 2. I don't even know what it is but I want one.
PG. 210, NIGELLA LAWSON: I still don't get it and this article doesn't help. Makes her sound extremely needy and a little crazy. Duh, she's on TV.
PG. 213, FORD BREAST CANCER SCARVES: For when you really want to look like 1987. Why headscarves? Were Hoop Skirts too hard to reproduce? Great cause, lousy idea.
PG. 217, BLACKGAMA: PETA Broad.
PG. 251, GOT MILK AD: Kim Catrell with Sperm Lip. TMI.
PG. 269, AMERICAN EXPRESS: Tom Ford? If you know who Tom Ford is, you already have an AMEX card.
PG. 270, RUDOLPH GUILIANI: With hair!!
PG. 292, NIGHT TABLE READING: Hmmm, Tracey Ross, boutique owner, is reading... wait. Do I care?
PG. 299, NIA VARDALOS: One of the weakest Herb Ritts Pictures ever. What's with all the candy and the Plastic Covering on the sofa? Fat and tacky? Huh?
PG. 303, MEN'S SOCCER TEAM: Hubba hubba! Grrrrrr! Woo woo woo!
PG. 318-319, FRIENDS: See photo above.
PG. 329, NICOLE KIDMAN: Is she flossing her teeth?
PG. 333, ROSIE O'DONNELL: She just looks like she would Fuck You Up. Brrrr.
PG. 334: Rosie O'Donnell was her High School Prom Queen!! PROM QUEEN! HELLO! I literally read this sentence, like, fifteen times to make sure I wasn't reading wrong. She raped the High School Prom Queen? Nooo. She mugged the High School Prom Queen? Nooo. She had Lesbian Demons magically transfer her Mind into that of the High School Prom Queen? Well, she tried but No.
PG. 338, RICH JADED AND LOST IN LA: Pretty. I love the part where they keep talking about how Good Looking one of the guys is and how every Girl wants him. Uh, which magazine is that in? All the pictures in my Vanity Fair are of Average Looking kids with no taste. Whatever.
PG. 370, PLANETARIUM: I'm a Virgo. Major Virgo.
PG. 372, DEEPAK CHOPRA: Deepak Chopra says, "Deepak doesn't believe in evaluating appearances. Deepak likes to be deep." No kiddin'? And what about Jane and Cheetah?
INSIDE BACK COVER, COINTREAU: Does this model have the Biggest Feet on the planet or what? I could wear those shoes.

Well, there we have it. Cheap Buzz for less than five bucks. Can't beat that.

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2:01:50 PM    sro home /

Now that this whole "Thanksgiving" thing is over, I'm Officially declaring today You're Welcome Day, an overlooked yet polite response to all the earnest benevolance everyone exudes or pretends to exude on the last Thursday in November. You need not cook any oversized and confused birds, dress up, do dishes or tolerate large numbers of famished visiting relatives. The beauty of YWD is you can perform the ritual sitting in your bed, knocking off the YW's in the privacy of your exhausted mind and thereby completing the Emotional Cycle. Rather thrfty, I might add, and in my opinion way over due.

You're welcome for making dinner every night.

You're welcome for filling your water and food dishes several times a day.

You're welcome for holding the front door when you're carrying bags.

You're welcome for making you laugh.

You're welcome for mentioning you in my Blog.

You're welcome for telling you where there's a Fab little eaterie in the area since you're just visiting.

You're welcome for that dance I did long ago when we were both alone and full of love, the moonlight streaming through the windows and the music making us giddy with joy and swimming around us to seal the moment.

You're welcome for understanding you're just doing your job.

You're welcome for listening to you talk about your rough day even when I just came to get some coffee.

You're welcome for the smart advice which saved you time and effort.

You're welcome for being willing to talk about my feelings, difficult as it can be and reticent as I may feel.

You're welcome for thinking of you.

You're welcome for listening to your thanks to me, listening and not processing them as manipulative, needy, pitiful or forced. Just listening to your words and taking them in, realizing how seldom people allow others to be understood.

You're welcome for having great sex, doing that thing you like that only I know you like because I was watching and not trying to just make myself feel good like many do.

You're welcome always into my life. There's plenty of room and if it does get a little crowded, be sure I'll mention it and we can make some arrangements that stay true to us both.

You are, I promise, I pledge, I firmly state as if I were Mayor and making huge proclamations across all of Munchkin Land, eternally and deeply Welcome.

10:52:08 AM    sro home /

10:08:23 AM    sro home /