STANDING ROOM ONLY

Monday, December 9, 2002

WHAT ARE YOU?

The Reverse Cowgirl called me notorious today in a sweet little mention on her Blog. Ok, she actually said "Hugh of Salon Blog's Standing Room Only notoriety" but still... NOTORIOUS!! Ta-da!! How cool is that? I have to admit being NOTORIOUS!!! rocks my world. (Yeah, I know, notoriety... whatever) It's funny cause earlier when I was NOTORIOUSLY!!! surfing the WWW, I was thinking (NOTORIOUSLY!!!, natch) how much I wish I could be more like The Reverse Cowgirl - all tall and Glamorous and getting calls from Nationally Distributed Magazines. Then I returned to Planet Earth and (NOTORIOUSLY!!!) thought "Ah, what the fuck. This is the next best thing." I'm so easy to please. Woo woo, go team!

6:25:32 PM sro home /

SHAZZAM, BAY-BAY

"Get ready to slap leather! That loveable red-headed scamp is back! And no one handles a hot rod like the Rawhide Kid!"

Marvel Comics unveils it's First Gay Title Superhero, Rawhide. I'm not a Comic Groupie but apparently this is not the first Gay Superhero, just the first Gay Title Character. Who knew? The quote, by the way, isn't mine. It actually came off the Marvel Comic Site so there's obviously a Queer working at Marvel somewhere. Oh my. Sounds like Rawhide is gonna be doing Double Duty in the Underworld.

In case anyone at Marvel is interested, here are some SuperPower Suggestions:

- Clocking the right shoes from miles away. Shoes can tell you alot about people and I'm sure Arch-Villians are no exception. Platform Boots: Kill on Sight.

- Being able to dance. Who hasn't been to a public function and thought "What Planet are they from?" Well now the Ante's upped and chances are the Planet might be one where they're anxious to Destroy the World, if not your Mood.

- Being Shirtless without Shame. No, this doesn't mean All The Time. Superheroes don't take off their shirts at the first hint of warm weather but when they do, let's hope it makes Evil weak in the Knees.

- Having the biggest Gun. Hello. Bang Bang, Daddy.

God was I born thirty years too early.

3:43:36 PM sro home /

THE GODDESS - ACT TWO

(Logistical Stuff - Well after our little break, I'm going to begin posting Act Two now beginning with Scene One which I'm posting here on the Blog. You can catch up, if you need to, by clicking on the Goddess Graphic to the right. After this scene, I'll be posting just a graphic like I did before which you can click on and which will take you to the text. Enjoy! - Hugh)

ACT TWO

SCENE ONE

CHEECHY

(To audience) I’m sorry, do I know you? You keep looking at me. Oh, that’s right. You’re still here I see. It’s hard to tear oneself away from a potentially nasty situation, isn’t it? Not that I condone any so-called “rubber necking” but I understand the draw. It makes one’s own life seem relatively sublime. These people who do this “family thing”, I don’t really grasp the whole concept. I mean you first have yourself who you hopefully manage to a certain degree, though I wouldn’t take bets on my own behalf. Add another person to the mix and you have two confused lemmings gamely limping to the cliff. Then, in what can only be ascribed to some fittingly dormant animal instinct, these two frenzied rats decide to multiply. More, more, more! You’re expected to feed these offspring not only food but knowledge and manners and, and... ideas! Who has enough ideas to go around? I’m trying to twist ideas into sportswear and make money, I’m certainly not about to toss quick sketches at a child. That’s before they grow older and have ideas of their own, ideas that originate from the usual suspects - TV, movies, the internet. The thought that something from my body might turn into a rap singer is reason enough to be gay. How June has done this much with so little is inspiring. Well, ok, there is the whole lawyer thing but you can’t really blame June for that. Faith did what anyone used to low heels would have done. And Dylan, well Dylan is still in that “whatever stage” you hear so much about. Apparently, the point of this stage is to learn to say “no” to everything. No drugs, no sex, no smoking, no gangs, no guns - where do they find all these things? This makes me sound dreadfully ancient, doesn’t it? Well I’m not, so bite your tongue and save your comments. Our hostess...

(JUNE enters with HELEN in tow.)

JUNE

That, that...

HELEN

Cunt.

CHEECHY

Release, darling!

JUNE

Can you? The nerve!

HELEN

Dreadfully tacky. Union scab.

CHEECHY

What union?

HELEN

ALL OF THEM! Just appalling.

JUNE

I’m sure whatever she said was all lies.

CHEECHY

Cheeky gossip.

HELEN

I heard she did porn.

CHEECHY

No doubt. Fetish.

HELEN

Chains.

CHEECHY

Rubber.

HELEN

Small foreign creatures.

JUNE

I have to do something.

CHEECHY

Pantyhose. I read it’s the “new black” in Internet porn. I’m sure she was involved in pantyhose.

HELEN

Pantyhose? How dreadful. What could possibly be sexy about crotch sag?

JUNE

Will you two hush? I don’t care if she lives in a plastic egg. She came to my house and my son’s graduation party and spoke to my, my...

HELEN

Darling, who are these people again?

JUNE

They’re Zev’s movie people or friends of someone, I don’t know. But I’m not letting them believe -

HELEN

A bunch of cud from that cow’s mouth.

CHEECHY

She is rather udder-ish.

HELEN

I still say let the cheesy things fly where they may.

JUNE

With your aim I’ll be scraping Suzette’s sea-monkeys off the ceiling for the next hundred years.

HELEN

I was adept at archery as a child I’ll have you know.

JUNE

Darts at the corner bar don’t count.

CHEECHY

We’re just trying to be helpful.

JUNE

Effort noted, thank you, but this calls for something bigger.

CHEECHY

Bigger than throwing food?

HELEN

Good God, June. It’s only Zev.

JUNE

I think the ingenue and I need a talk.

CHEECHY

You’re going to confront her?

JUNE

You make it sound like I found a joint in her sock drawer or something.

HELEN

That was my joint you found and I didn’t appreciate Faith hiding it from me.

JUNE

It’s time I introduced myself properly to our guest.

CHEECHY

Uh oh.

HELEN

The “introduction”.

(BLACKOUT)

END OF SCENE ONE

10:51:41 AM

sro home /

BLOGGY

9:37:10 AM sro home /