Hello Mr. Lott.

Hello Young Fellow!

Welcome to Standing Room Only.

I'm proud, as an American, to participate in the activities of the Public.

Uh, ok. Having some troubles I hear?

Like hitting a dog with a Watermelon from the back of the bus.

Excuse me?

I jest! Just a remark made in passing fun. Har har!

I guess. They say you're racist.

Posh! Posh to them! I'm as colored as the next fellow. I JEST! Another remark made in passing fun!

Are you on drugs?

Ah, drugs. If we'd taken drugs thirty years ago we wouldn't be in the trouble we're in now! Har har!

What trouble is that?

Nasty, nasty trouble. This country is as shaky as a Hoochie Mama on a Greyhound to Baltimore. Har har! Of course, that remark was made in Jest!

Really.

Of course, My Fellow American. Let me ask, do you even remember what this Great Country was like before?

Before what?

Before, you know, Rap!

I'm not a big Rap fan.

Of course not! You people like the Disco music.

You people?

I JEST! HAR HAR! I know you "get down" with the Show Tunes!

Are you talking about Queers?

Queers! Homosexuals! Light loafers! Call them what you will.

Queers.

HAR HAR! Always liked a quick wit in a White Man.

What?

I JEST! Merely a remark in passing, an informal exchange, if you will, with a Fellow American.

Uh, ok. Well I should go.

Indeed! Well I thank you for the time and Opportunity to Crack, so to speak, a few words with my Fellow Citizens.

See ya Trent.

"Word", dog. Word, indeed.

11:08:17 PM    sro home /

Huge Magazine is a free on-line graphics site with lots of Groovin' Things including images for Desktop Wallpaper. This is one of the Queerer, uh, Odder ones but they're all very bitchin' and SRO approved. Did I mention it's all free? Get Huge.

10:29:17 PM    sro home /

I got the cutest little e-mail rejection yesterday.

Dear Hugh,

I loved your piece. Unfortunately, we're in a bit of a freelance
budget freeze. If you don't find a home for it in a couple of
months, please let me know.

"XXX"

From Salon. The funniest part is I have no idea which story she's talking about since I'd sent it over 3 months ago. It wasn't the piece on Liza Minelli (I think) but I'm sure whatever it was you've read it here on Standing Room Only since then and in my reply I sent "XXX" SRO's site address.

Really, that was nice of them to write. In a couple of months, I'll contact "XXX" and let them know if I'm still alive.

8:50:08 PM    sro home /

I feel fine
don't wake me up yet
o the young & the old they get everything
& it's my turn

I'm here
I'm someone to know
I'm calling the tune but
I'm losing the words

laughingly I take the fevered applause
of the people by the riverside
I'm walking
walking on water
God knows why

I'm losing the words
I am a man
well nearly
celebrate life
be good to yourself

don't wake me like that
I was dreaming & I'd rather carry on
give me a love & hate
on both my hands
I'll show you what I'm made of
wasting my breath when I say that

don't wake me like that
I was dreaming & I'm tired of everyone
here's hoping that you'll
go now so long leave me alone

give me a love & hate
on both my hands
I'll show you what I'm made of
wasting my breath when I say that
love hates
a pair of hands
that's where I began
just be good
good to yourself

I feel fine
don't wake me up yet
cos I feel tired
don't be like that
we don't need to work any more now
open that ground up
& slip down

the sundays


7:03:27 PM    sro home /

4:34:55 PM    sro home /

After my Rant yesterday about Keith Olbermann's Salon article on the Trials and Tribulations of Celebrity (or just wanting everyone to think you're one), I read some reader's responses today in Salon and I obviously wasn't alone in my disgust. One guy even mirrored my sentiments hoping it was some kind of Satire because otherwise the whole thing was Pathetic.

The following story is True, Honest Injun.

Today I'm around the corner at my neighborhood Kiosk where I buy the paper and occasionally magazines. Probably because of the location (central West Hollywood), this newsstand is frequented by celebrities: Mickie O'Rourke, Brittany Spears, Mark Wahlberg and many others get their Hollywood Reporters and whatnot there. Descretion is the word and I'm game, though curious as the next Joe Doe as to what they're buying, natch.

There was a blond girl waiting at the register with a stack of magazines and something about her gave me the impression she might have been Somebody. I didn't stare and my first guesses veered between Brittany and Jessica Simpson. She was Blond with a Killer Body and wore a very revealing outfit - some kind of skintight grey leggings and tank top with those Yeta Boots that are knee-high and furry. The boots were pretty weird but this is, after all, LA and I've grown accustomed to seeing people wearing Odd Costumes all over the place.

Ahyhoo, my friend who runs the stand was answering the phone and had his back turned for a second. Suddenly the girl screams, "WILL YOU GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE AND HELP SOMEONE?" No kiddin'. My friend is extremely charming and polite and was (like myself) a little stunned. There were two black men looking through magazines as well and one of them spoke up and I see it's R.Kelly.

"Listen Little Girl, why don't you shut the fuck up and just let the man do his job. If you weren't born into money, you'd be laying in my bed whoring out for ten dollars so fast it's not funny. Just fucking shut up."

In situations like this, I get all quiet and watch. I'd have probably looked right at home with a big ol' bucket of buttered Popcorn. The girl turns, stomps off to her car and peals off.

The girl? Rod Stewart's daughter. As far as I know, she's never done nothing. She's not even near Kelly Osbourne Slacker Status. She considers herself a Celebrity however and if this is what Olbermann is trying to lobby sympathy for, I got bad bad news. Not in this lifetime. Neva. No way, No How, Nun-uh.

Cross my heart.

3:09:50 PM    sro home /

10:23:36 AM    sro home /