Dog -

Man, oh, man. You got me. I was just about to write you when BAM!, you hit me with the Salon Blogs You Read List and there I was! Fucking kinda blew me away, my man. You, the Managing Editor of a Webzine I poke a stick at all the time, read my humble little Standing Room Only. Work. Kinda put a crimp in my letter actually. I was going to compliment you on some of the changes I've noticed in your Blog, the brief references to the RCG, the personal touches (hope that fridge is kickin'), but now a letter like that would just seem to be kissing ass after you put me out there. (BTW, your list was right on. Props to Miss Feva and the RCG was v. cool, they're my Salon Girls, and you kept off some of the duller Blogs which frankly I don't read either).

But now, what to do? How to repay you for the brief yet touching note, a note that I've been waiting for months to get? Finally it hit me... your picture! Well, not really a picture but the caricature they post with your articles (Yeah, I read the article and no, I didn't make it past the opening paragraph either. You might have thought Slashdot was stupid but they had a point.)

Frankly, my man, what is up with that drawing? First, I didn't find a single fucking Nina. I thought there was one in your hair and then maybe those lines on your cheek but nuttin'. Second, what's up with the shoulders? Is there something we don't know? Do you have shoulders? This drawing makes it look like your head is being squeezed out of a tube of Shirtpaste. Not the broad-shouldered, take charge Managing Editor we've all envisioned. Finally, is that a tube going from your hair to your neck? I guess it's supposed to be your ear but frankly, it's just creepy. I picture bright green Editing goop sludging it's way along the tube while your Minions feed you Fresh Journalistic Grad Students. Not a very, uh, appealling idea.

Overall, the drawing is a little too cutesy or forced or something. I look at yours and then at Carinna Whatever-Her-Name-Is's and it's like the opening animation for a sit-com. The Salonsters! Starring Scotty R. as the gruff Managing Ed with a Heart of Gold and Carrina as the sassy, back talking Latino Critic!(I don't know if she is Latino, but it's a growing Demographic. We'll talk.)

Scott: Carrina, do you have the piece on that new Cop Show ready?

Carrina: Ay Carrumba! If I wanted to see cops, I could just look out my apartment window!

(Huge audience laughter.)

Cute huh? I'm seeing NBC, maybe Fox. Definately not WB. Their programmers have shit for brains and losing Buffy put them in the DOA catagory.

Meanwhile, I've taken it on myself to do a little work on the drawing. Nothing too earth-shattering (for now) but I thought it might help. Gave you some shoulders, took that thing off your nose which looks like a booger, decreased some of the cheek lines (maybe those were dimples but it looked like you had three chins) and finally took out some of the Hair Lines. I'm not quite sure what the artist was saying with the Hair Lines but here's hoping your hair doesn't have Brush Marks in it all the time. Not a good thing, Scotty. Two words: Donald Trump.

Not bad huh? Looking nice. Very Editorish if I say so myself. A man who takes charge yet doesn't let the burdens of the Journalistic Maelstrom suck him into it's gaping maw. (Hee hee, whoa!)

But then I got to thinking: "Hmm", I said to myself, "Is this it? Is Scott prepared to face the 21st Century with just a dark blazer and a greyish shirt? Isn't it all about change??" So I came up with this: GHETTO FABULOUS, MY MAN! S. ROSIE! PIMPIN' OUT THE HEADLINE STORIES! You're lookin' fine, dog! Gucci, Versace, Gucci, Versace, uh huh. High stylin' in the workplace! Bling bling, BAY-BAY! Ready to get the 411 on what's going down on the internet... Old School!!!

Yeah, S. Rosie, we were ready to slip into the New Groove of Blogging and whatnot. Ready to Slap Some World Wide Ass... WHUP! WHUP! I was excited about how we'd grown, how you'd expanded your boundaries and moved forward. But was it too much? Would walking into one of your Techno-thingy Conferences working High Fur and with the RCG in tow as your Blog Ho freak those Mo-Fo's out? Probably. Actually, yeah, I know it would.

Didn't stop me tho. Next concept: Bono. Here you go, dude. This says cool but still willing to kiss the Corporate Monster. Top 40 while Getting Jiggy with Jess Helms. World Peace while doing a tour and living The Life. Hello. If there's one thing on Earth living in L.A. has taught me, it's All About The Shades. You can be wearing burlap and flip-flops but if you got the D&G on, you is good to go. No kiddin'. This look will get you in more places than you can ever blog about. New Fridge? No problemo, my man. Delivered. Next Day. Guarenteed.

Well you think about it Scottster. I know, this is all sudden. It's sudden to me too. "One day chicken, next day feathers" as Sade says and I've got nuttin' but time. Meanwhile, you have a good holiday. Drink alot for me at the Office Party and give Mary a Kiss. Do that funny dance you did in school, you know, the one where you held your arms up halfway and shook your booty like you just don't care. It's karma, baby, that's all that dance means.

Peace Out - Hugh

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