Wednesday, January 8, 2003|
FUDGE PACKER I'm such a total Mo. Here's what a Big Mo I am, I just watched "Putting It Together: A Musical Revue" on HBO and: 1. Cried. 2. Wistfully and seriously uttered the phrase "I love musical theater". 3. Had seen almost every Sondheim Musical covered. On Broadway. With the Original Cast, the exception being Company and Follies. 4. Knew the lyrics to "Ladies Who Lunch".
Mondo Queen. Fag-O-Rama. Flaming Pink Toed Lispy Miss. Girlina. Light loafered, limp wristed, decorating gene, cock sucking HomoMan. Really. And I wouldn't have it any other way. If you can't do one of the four things above with any sincerity and panáche then may God Have Mercy On Your Soul. |
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MOMMY, WHERE DOES DUST COME FROM? I'm back home in LA and I'm doing the Back Home and Loving Being Around My Things Dance. It's the one where you throw all your luggage in a big pile and just scooch around touching everything. Everything, unfortunately in this case, seems to be covered in a good half inch of dust, like I've returned to a Haunted Mansion. That's totally fucked. I leave and all my things just sat here getting greyer by the second. Hello! Movement please! Also my New X-Box didn't even leave the box. Just rude.
Hmmm... clean, ignore, clean, ignore. Guess. |
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UNMITIGATED SELF-PROMOTION
Feel free to nominate Standing Room Only for the Third Annual Bloggy Awards. I'm thinking the Best GLBT Blog (GLBT = Gay/Lesbian/Bi-Sexual/Transgender for those of you living in caves) but anything would be fine with me. All nominations will receive, free of charge, a New Car! Ok, maybe not. How about a New Karma Point for the Afterlife! Not mentioning names here but some of you could use those more than the car. I also personally know the Cousin of the Sister-In-Law of the Karma Giver-Outer, so I'm not just blowing smoke out my ass. I mean, we're likethis. Really. Go for it. |
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HOLY ROLLERS (Knock knock.) Woman - Hello. Man #1 - Hello Ma’am. We’re looking for Jehovah. Woman - Jehovah? There’s noone here by that name. Man #1 - He also goes by the name Jay or Hova. Woman - Sorry, I don’t know a Jehovah. Man #1 - Ma’am, please. You do know God, right? Woman - Well, I don’t know him but I know what you’re talking about. Man #1 - Ma’am, we have people who’ve, well... Bob? Man #2 - December 24th, Five P.M., Target Store. And I quote, “God damn it.” Man #1 - Ma’am, was this or was this not you? Woman - Probably. I don’t remember. Man #1 - You directly requested that “God” damn something on your behalf. Woman - Everyone says that. Man #1 - Oh do they? Ma’am, we have witnesses. Jehovah’s Witnesses. Bob, bring in the Jehovah’s Witness. (Man #2 brings in a guy.) Guy - Hey. (Man #2 takes out the guy.) Man #1 - Thank you Bob. Do you have anything to say now, ma’am? Woman - Listen, I don’t know any Jehovah or God. Really. Man #1 - Ma’am, does this sound familiar? Miraculous Virgin Birth? Woman - You mean Mary? Man #1 - So you know Mary? Woman - Well, I don’t know her personally. Man #1 - I see. So do you usually refer to strangers by their first names in casual conversation? For example, do you go to the cinema and say, “Oh, I saw George in his new movie?” Woman - Of course not. Man #1 - Yet this “Mary”, whom you claim not to know, you are on a first name basis with? Woman - Listen, I really have to go make dinner. Man #1 - Ma’am have you heard of terrorists? Woman - Of course I have. Are you accusing me of being a terrorist? Man #1 - Do you have any siblings ma’am? Woman - I have a sister. Man #1 - Younger? Older? Woman - Younger. But I don’t see what this has to do with... Man #1 - Bob? Man #2 - And I quote, “You were adopted.” Man #1 - Thank you Bob. Pretty terrible, isn’t it ma’am? Woman - I was young! Man #1 - Did you not intend to alarm your sister? Thereby being “one who invokes terror”, a.k.a. a “terrorist” ma’am? Woman - That’s totally different. Man #1 - Is it ma’am? Bob? Man #2 - No. Man #1 - Thank you Bob. No, not so different. Woman - I have to go now. Man #1 - One last thing. Have you heard of Jehovah Jail, ma’am? Woman - Jehovah Jail? Man #1 - Yes ma’am. Four square acres in a non-disclosed rural area. Surrounded, I might add, by - Bob? Man #2 - Watch Towers. Man #1 - Thank you Bob. That’s right ma’am. Towers, tall ones, from which we watch. Woman - There’s no such thing as Jehovah Jail. Man #1 - No, there isn’t. Funny how you knew that though. Woman - Ok, I’m going now. Man #1 - You may go free now, you may go free tomorrow, but we’ll be watching ma’am. When you least expect - during diner, when you’ve just entered the shower, when you have a moment alone to watch TV - there we’ll be. Knocking on your door. We’ll be back. Good day, ma’am. Ready Bob? Man #2 - Yup. Man #1 - Thank you Bob. Let’s roll. 7:35:46 PM  sro home /
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Last update: 6/3/08; 11:25:33 PM .
