THE JOE MILLIONAIRE DATING QUIZ

1. You’re asked on a date to go horseback riding. You:

a) Wear spike heeled boots and torture the horse.
b) Wear one of those funny Polo hats even though they give you Hat Hair.
c) Just make the best of it and have a good time

2. You have a boyfriend. You accept a date anyway because:

a) You figure “What the hell? Who knows?”
b) You promised though you fess up right away.
c) Money talks, bullshit walks.

3. You’re on a date and he talks to another woman. You:

a) Fake a Cell Phone Vibrate and pretend you have a call.
b) Send Death Rays via Diva ESP.
c) Join in and show how you adapt.

4. Your date gives you a beautiful sapphire necklace. You:

a) Accept graciously and say “Thanks”.
b) Walk around parading your good luck.
c) Act shocked and bite it to see if it’s real.

5. Your date cancels. You:

a) Make a big scene and speak bad French to show you don’t give a shit.
b) Trash all his other potential partners to your friends.
c) Move on and realize it wasn't meant to be.


Points : 1. a) 0, b)3, c)5, 2. a)3, b)5, c)0, 3. a)3, b)0, c)5, 4. a)5, b)0, c)3, 5. a)0, b)0, c)5

Your Score:

18-25 : You go girl. You’re fierce and you watch, someday soon there’ll be a man - a real man - ready to give you props. In the meantime, work that fab blouse and enjoy all the looks.

17- 12: Ok, not this time but you can do it. Honey, just breath. Truth is, ain’t no man gonna do nuthin' for you anyways. You know those groovin' boots you’ve been eyeing? Go buy them, take them home and put on your favorite song. Just keep saying “What do I bring to the party?” and make the answer “Everything.”

12 - Below: Bitch, we need to talk. Are you on crack or what? Chill. Honestly. Like a six pack on ice. This ain’t about your hair color, it’s about your attitude. Noone wants to dance with an Ice Queen wearing too much make-up, look at Brittany. Think again about pulling that cell phone out of your Silicone chest and putting a Heart there instead.

11:00:35 PM    sro home /

A few days ago, I wrote a post in which I stated I'd been subliminally gay-bashed here at Salon Blogs. Xian of Radio Free Blogistan wrote a comment asking who and when that had happened and I declined to go into details. Now, however, it's happened again and I feel the need as a responsible person and outly Queer to address the situation.

The Raven wrote a great post today about a worker in the sex industry looking for health coverage for people in that business. In the comments, the following exchange took place:

One can imagine Anne Marie's surprise. After allowing hundreds if not thousands of sleazy strangers to penetrate her, she has a host of diseases. And to what end?---to help produce this mind-numbing schlock that passes for erotica. I think I'll allow more compassionate people to worry over this one. Steve@powersupply.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------

raven, you post whatever you like :). it's all good.

at least "anne marie" was smart enough to get paid. we're all getting fucked by george bush and ain't puttin' nuttin' in our bank accounts. to me, the idea that "sex workers" are expendable reeks of misogyny. people freak and get outraged around health issues concerning the military, i.e. "paid killing machines" (and of course, mostly straight men). personally, i feel worse for the sex workers. at least anne marie isn't blowing apart innocent children. HUGH ------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's settled then Hugh. You are more compassionate than I. And yes I am more concerned about the health of the soldiers, including the gay and the female soldiers. .... Doesn't it get a bit tiring for you, carrying around that giant GAY chip. It's not as necessary as you think. You can rest your shoulder from time to time. Really. Steve@powersupply.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------

ROFL. uh, huh? i don't mean to wake you up but the fact i said the army was mostly straight men isn't a "gay chip". as a matter of fact, it's the government's position, not mine. you can use something for debate other than my sexuality from time to time. really. unless, of course, you don't have anything else. HUGH ------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've seen this technique of yours before Hugh. Obliquely bring gay prejudice to a discussion and then pounce when someone responds to it. You need some fresh material. I stand by my previous comment. Steve@powersupply.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you were a woman in (what you thought ) was a semi-intelligent conversation with a man and he suddenly said "Oh, women love to give blowjobs.", what would you think? Would the sudden and unexpected interjection of sexuality bother you? Would you think it was unappropriate, even weird? Would you consider it sexual harassment?

As you can see from the comments above, my sexuality had nothing to do with anything. Yet to this guy "Steve" it's obviously an issue. So much so that he considered me to have a "gay chip" on my shoulder and accused me of "bringing gay prejudice to a conversation" when there obviously wasn't any. This is the same stance Jerry Falwell took when accusing one of the Teletubbies of being gay. It's not only far-fetched, it's ignorant and homophobic.

In the past here on Salon, I've had people comment here on my blog writing their e-mail address as "cocksucker.com" (that was the person who has the Salon Blog "Dully Noted"). He also made references to "having my panties in a bunch" and being "anal", snidely adding how I'd probably take both the references personally. I don't. If you've at all read any of Standing Room Only, you've deducted I know I'm gay and I'm way comfortable with it.

However as an intelligent and compassionate person it bothers me. If, for example, I were black and he made references to such stereotypes as "watermelon" or "tap dancing", I'd feel the same way. What if I were Jewish and he wrote "kike.com" or remarked how much of a "pennypincher" I was? It's not only inappropriate and ignorant, it's not the frame of mind I want to foster around me and that I feel the writers here at Salon Blogs want to encourage.

I'm not writing this post to defend myself. I don't have to do that, especially with my readers. I'm not trying to incite anything either. I'm actually genuinely interested in opinions about this kind of thing. What would you do in my place?

Ignore it? Forget about it? Can I? Should I? Can you? Can we?
8:00:09 PM    sro home /

If you're a regular reader here at SRO, chances are you've already checked out Gawker, the fairly new-ish NYC based weblog. I've read some comments around and about from people who claim to "not get it" or think it's stupid or whatever. Sour grapes, if you ask me. There's not really anything to "get" other than a gossip/candy rush which everyone could certainly use now and then. As an ex-NYC boy myself, I can relate to the self-absorbed "NYC is the capital of the universe" POV but now that seems kind of silly. Yeah, Manhattan has the best restaurants and you can dance all night, every night, if you want to. Great stuff if you're 26 and a millionaire. Counter all that with buildings falling on you and $1800 Studio Apartments and I'll pass, thanks. Smart writing though and great design. Really, what else do you need from a Blog?

They had a recent "Blind Item" about a "married, pretty-boy quarterback who's gay." You lost me at quarterback. You might as well have asked me to name all the Cabinet Members. Urban Legend has always said Troy Aickmen but I have no idea if he's either a pretty boy or still a quarterback. (He was once, right?) My mother is of the Outdated "He can't be gay, he's married" School. Hell, if I met a Super Glamazon with bucks willing to let me fill our house with Vintage Eames and go shopping with her for Prada, I'd marry her in a heartbeat. Kinda nips that theory in the bud.

Go Gawk. Just don't slow down and for god's sake put on your sunglasses so no one knows you're not looking at the road.
5:02:54 PM    sro home /

So I got my new X-Box up and running. The X comes with two games, a race car thing and a game called "Jet Set Radio Future". So far I'm not very good at either although I haven't put alot of time into them. On the race car game, I was so pathetic as to finally just drive into walls and the crowd to see if anything happened. Nothing, other than the handset jumping (which scared the shit out of me the first time). Well that's no fun. At the least I wanted to see screaming crowds and things explode.

JSRF isn't much better. It's premise has something to do with speed freak skateboarders in Futuristic Tokyo. "DJ Professor K" has plans to turn the entire city into "A DANCE HALL, BABY!" and somehow my character skating around and spraypainting graffiti on everything helps the cause. Uh, ok. The music is cool in a Rave Gone Wild kinda way and you're able to change the music you skate to from Mind Numbingly Bass to Mind Numbingly Trance and other things of that ilk. It's definately music to make mayhem by.

The Tokyo of the future thankfully has few people walking the streets which certainly reduces the carnage, expecially given my lame skills thus far. At one point I stopped skating and just "stood around" looking at everything. This is a no-no apparently as "DJ Professor K" just about had a cow and started screaming at me to "SPRAY BABY! GET ROLLING CAUSE THE STREETS NEED THE BEAT!" Whatever. If I wanted a game called Supervisor at Work Cunt, I'd go buy one.

The X-Box does, to my surprise and delight, play audio CDs which is cool because up to this point I'd had to play them on my computor. Thankfully I'm better at changing Tracks on the CD player with the handset than I am at wreaking Japanese Havoc. At least the CD Player doesn't freak if you take a second to think about which song to play. "PICK ONE BABY! NOW!" Jeez. If you need to be in a relationship with a self-absorbed, loud drama queen, this is certainly the next best thing.
3:50:50 PM    sro home /

As part of my "Santa Booty", I got the new Mac OSX, "Jaguar", and have been tripping at how cool it is. I'm still discovering all these groovy little perks I hadn't come across yet and that of course makes it all the more fun.

One program included is called "iPhoto" which is a storage/display/organization program for images. It works very similarly to the Mac's music program "iTunes" and you can divide pictures into lists, give them markers to be used for retrieval and make a Slide Show where you can even pick your choice of background music. Very cool and easily impresses friends who aren't computor savvy. I'll admit I slightly feel like I'm making a presention at a Company Board Meeting but at least it's a very professional looking presentation.

Yesterday I discovered you can save these Slide Shows (with the music you've chosen) as Quicktime Movies!! How cool is that? I can make this nifty little selection of pictures (or even text saved as a jpeg) which smartly fade into each other while Moby or Nora Jones or The Avalanches provide the sound. Then I can convert the whole thing into a freestanding Quicktime movie which I could conceivably just email to whomever I wanted for their visual and aural pleasure. Groovy! I was having as much fun as you can have without having to wash anything afterwards.

Of course my next plan is to see if there's some way to bring this to Standing Room Only. Maybe even have a link open a seperate window where the QT movie would play. I'm not the most computor smart queer on earth, but I'm a fast learner and an eager artist. I love music so much and always have a Life Soundtrack going (that being one of my reasons for posting song lyrics here on SRO) and have wanted to find a way to post music directly. The QT Movie idea might be a step more in that direction.

In closing (hee hee), if anyone out there has some Programming Skills or a Devry Degree or The Manual or all of the above, feel free to help put this Mo-etry in Motion.
11:05:24 AM    sro home /

I wanna be a Rock Star.

I want to play sold out concerts at Shake Your Thing Arena and Great Day In The Morning Stadium. All the boys and girls would be camping out months in advance for tickets, setting up pup tents and sharing food so they can all get a seat in the first 50,000 rows. All the TV stations would come down and give out $20 bills to hear them all say how their whole lives they’d waited to see me sing.

“He makes me want to wiggle like a worm in fresh new dirt!”

“Just the thought of seeing his face flicks a switch deep inside and I save all the kittens at the ASPCA!”

I want my opening act to be Chaka Khan and Patti Smith, switching back and forth and singing duets where Soul and Sass kiss on the lips and everyone thinks music is the New Religion. Everyone would want a T-shirt and I’d give them out free, all of them saying “I Bet I’m in Love” or “ Damn, You’re a Looker.” Programs would be mirrors everyone could hold and when you push a button they’d hum and jump and say, “Wow, I love your shoes!”

When the lights finally dim, everyone would scream and shout - men and women, boys and girls, old ladies standing in front waving their arms like they’re ten years old. Their wrinkled old hands would wave back and forth like birds flying from here to there and their eyes would shine like Happy Camper Lights at the base of the Grand Canyon.

I’d have Back-up singers dancing like Tina Turner with wigs that made their heads look like Peanuts cartoons. They’d shimmy and shake on six inch stilettos and every time they’d sing “Woo”, the crowd would go “Woo Hoo!”.

Finally I’d come out on a cloud of White Light with smoke flying around me like hungry bees in the Garden of Joy. Lasers would shoot out of my Specially Made Shoes and spell “What’s Up?!?” in the sky, bouncing off the blimps flying overhead sending signals to Everyone watching the kids.

I’d open my mouth and out would come words that made the Old Women sigh and all the cute boys would swing their hips like Dashboard Hula Girls. Everyone would know the words cause those were the words they showered to every day and thought about while waiting for the bus and tapping their cool new shoes. When I got to the chorus, I’d hold out the mike and all their voices would sing right back.

“Say hey!”

“HEY!”

They’d all do the wave and I’d wave too, my smile shining over their sparkly faces from big forty-foot screens.

Finally at the end, the fireworks would start and the glitter would fly and all the little kids would scream like a roller-coaster ride just started. Everyone would turn to the person in the seat next door and say “You were the bee’s knees!” and “Let’s do it again!” I’d say “Ok!” and the crowd would shout and we’d do a curtain call where we started all over so if anyone went to pee, they hadn’t missed a thing.

On the way home, they’d all play the tape in the car and hold their hands out the window to feel the wind cleaning out their nails. I’d be in the Green Room shaking hands with the Queen who’d be swinging around her purse while all the groupies played Twister and took pictures of the food.

The next day, all the girls would say “I’m in it for the short skirts” and all the boys would say “Let’s talk about the way I feel.” I’d be at home, sleeping in my Superstar Bed while Peggy took calls and all my Peeps would be watching cool movies One Room away.

I wanna be a Rock Star.

12:02:08 AM    sro home /