EPISTLES

Dear Joe -

Before I start my letter, I just want to say you are so cute. Those girls are stupid. Lame-o-rama. Dumb bitches and I am not a dumb bitch. I was class president in High School.

I love to cook. That girl tonight who hated cooking? Loser. It’s not like you were making something hard like Pizza.

The girl with the Horses? I have a dog. Horses are like big dogs. Duh.

I would’ve sat in the Hot Tub. It makes my hair frizz but I’d have done it. I’d have taken all of my bathing suits and you could’ve just rolled all over them and then picked one. Well, not that one. Or that one. Black is so Sobe three years ago and I want your money to get married. To a hot multi-millionaire. Like you I mean.

Question: Tonight when you were making out with that chick and they had subtitles over cheesy Porn Music, were you the “Mwauh” or where you the “Slurp”? I mean, they were both hot. I was just wondering cause I say “Mwauh” too! All the time. Anyway, it was totally weird.

Those girls smoke alot. When they aren’t acting like Needy Cunts. Which isn’t alot I guess but it seems like alot on TV. When they aren’t with you, they’re out on the balcony smoking. You’re like the Patch with Hair Products and that’s close to Mr. Perfect in my book. Throw in Yoga Class and I’ll have your babies.

I know it’s tough. You talk about feeling guilty since you know you’re a big fake. Which is so cool cause, you know, you are! That’s so honest. I can relate because sometimes I go to the mall and I know people must think I’m a Movie Star but I’m not. I worry like you do that I might slip. When I get gas, I try to pump the gas like Merryl Streep does. Like you do.

At the end, you were right getting rid of Mojo. What kind of name is that? Like you’re going to bring her to a club and say, “Oh, this is my wife, Mojo.” Right. My friends call me “Slipknot” which is way sexier than “Mojo”. Whatever.

Anyways, thanks for reading this. I know you’re busy pretending you’re someone else but I think we have alot in common. Honest. Kiss kiss. Give me a jingle.

Bambi

10:09:16 PM    sro home /

Awhile ago I announced nominations were being accepted for the Bloggies. The nominations have been revealed and there's been some scandal re: the whole thing. Small surprise. The "awards" (which, uh, aren't awards) were fixed or something. Some of the nominees seem to have nothing to do with their catagory while there's a Texan contingency who've supposedly hijacked the process.

I went and looked at the nominees and well... ok. It's overwhelming in a "wow, there are alot of blogs out there" way. It's certainly eye-opening. It makes the whole Ratings Game on Salon seem, at best, quaint. Scamming one's way with hits into the Top Ten ( as some obviously do) is, well, pathetic. Ok, I meant to say Silly. Whatever.

In doesn't bode well for the future rep of the "Bloggys". Granted, this was an independent effort which wasn't sourced from an seperate Entity, the equivilant of me just announcing "awards". You're funny, here ya go!

It's like finding the club you had to wait in line for was closed by the Fire Department. Oh, I never liked that place anyway.
9:20:44 PM    sro home /