AMERICAN IDOL CLIFF NOTES

If you've never watched American Idol or missed it thus far this season, here’s all you need to know for cocktail conversation.

There is one host, Ryan Seacrest. The buzz is he’s gay and while I’m not of the “everyone’s gay” school, he has made some, well, odd remarks this season: 1)He called himself a Disco Queen on the night the contestants all sang disco and 2)the same night claimed “It’s Raining Men” was his favorite disco song. Whatever.

The three judges are Simon Cowell, English bad boy everyone loves to hate, Paula Abdul, 80’s has been hit maker, and Randy Jackson, the fat black record producer. This season there are “Guest Judges” which thus far consist of Ancient Recording Artists like Olivia Newton John and Lionel Richie. There was also a really scary appearance by Maurice White of Earth, Wind and Fire who looked like Miss Jane Pittman in leather pants.

As of tonight, there are seven singers left. They are:

Ruben - Think Barry White and Luther Vandross. The hands-on fav to win.

Kimberly Clark - I actually like her. She’s the most curvy of the group which on this show = fat.

Trenyce - Diana Ross of the bunch and self-proclaimed Diva. Attitude Plus which in this group is a good thing.

Clay Aiken - “Sensitive” = gay. AI has a track record for spawning Mos. The English Idol winner was a queen, last season’s queen came out. Early favorite and a great voice but comes across like a skinny Paul Anka. I guess... if you like that kind of thing.

Joshua Greyson- The bally-hooed enlisted Marine of the bunch. Sings country and really means it. Uber-Butch in that “I’m a Marine and sing country” kind of way but I’d still do him.

Kimberly Caldwell - Prettiest girl in the runniing although she always sounds like a show at Six Flags. Been performing since she was six and has those Pagent Moves down.

Carmen - Youngest at 18. Yes, 18. Although she may as well be from Mars and she’s not the greatest singer or the prettiest, something about her just screams Pop Star. She won’t win but could easily be the New Carmen Electra, i.e. SpokesBabe for a cable show.

Key phrases to remember:

1. “I think Ruben will win.”
2. “Clay? What is she like?”
3. “I always agree with Simon.”


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