THE DATING GAYME

Bravo has announced it’s plans for the first Gay Dating Reality Show called Boy Meets Boy. Supposedly not all of the potential dates will be gay which is (supposedly) the Big Twist. Uh... Gaydar... hello. Unless the main bachelor is Helen Keller, I seriously don’t see the “straight” dates getting far. Years of being suppressed by society has endowed most gay men with the innate ability to smell Queer Leanings, something We call “pinging” as in “He pings to me.” Never doubt the Power of the Ping. I have pinged on characters on Law and Order who aren’t revealed as gay until the second half. Granted I have lived at Gay Ground Zero for all of my adult life but when in doubt, trust your Mo Intuition.

Here, however, are my tips and suggestions for all parties involved:

1. Check his shoes. Shoes are something you wear to match your clothes - especially on a date - not something you chose because they help your “game”. Diesel, Prada, Sketchers - ping.

2. The Golden Rule is “It’s only a date if money passes a waiter’s hands”. Just a movie, no. Sex in your front hallway, no. Just meeting in a bar, no. Sitting at a table where you’re forced to face and talk to the person you’re with makes it more than just a random event.

3. Ask him about things you’re interested in and know about. He says he likes music, you ask what kind, he responds “Hootie and the Blowfish”, you skip ordering an appetizer and get the Quickie Meal. Alternative music pings, especially if it’s obscure and dance oriented. Heavy metal and Creed do not.

4. Never meet at your house/apartment on the first date. “Let’s meet at my place first” = “I’m not sure I want to be seen in public with you but I might do a quickie”. Neutral territory is much easier for a quick escape and you see how he acts in public. You can tell alot about someone by how they treat a waiter. Demanding, arrogant and pretentious aren’t pretty no matter how big his arms are.

5. Always be prepared to pay. If you meet at the restaurant bar first, you can buy the drinks and this releases you from having to offer to pay for dinner and you can go dutch. If he buys the drinks, you can either offer to buy dinner or assume dutch and offer to pay the tip. Tip big - you look good, the waiter’s happy and when you go back to the restaurant with a different date, they’ll great you like a regular.

6. Pings: hair product, has seen every movie, tight shirts, groovy glasses, tasteful minimal accessories other than a watch. Not Pings: cologne, too much jewelry, patterned sweaters.

7. Handshake and “let’s talk soon” = Not for me, good luck. Kiss on the cheek and “let’s go see (scheduled event)” = Potential husband. Tongue down your throat and insistence on coming inside with you = “I’m horny now and need immediate gratification”. Nothing wrong with that but you’re on a date, not a desert island and if neither one of you can control Mr. Weewee for a couple more days, you need to fess up to your motives.

Best of luck to them all and I hope someone finds Mr. Right. Call me when they air the show Man Meets Man.

12:43:37 PM    sro home /