LUST FOR LIFE

There’s a thin line between Not Getting Laid and Celibacy. While the boundaries may seem murky at best, I’ve realized I may be in the no-man’s land (literally) between the two and strolling towards the Big C. I’ve been pondering the differences and have asked myself, where do I distinguish both areas? When did I shift from just not having sex to being Celibate? When do we morph from going home lonely to just going home alone?

People are eager to share details of their Sumpin’ Sumpin’ in a heartbeat but the mention of Celibacy is guaranteed buzz kill. People do anything to get laid - I know from personal experience - and refusing what others have and would kill for seems almost wasteful. “There are people in China going without sex! Now flirt!” My current position seems somehow beyond comprehension to many, as if I announced I’d given up breathing.

THEM : I want a boyfriend.
ME: No you don’t, you just want sex.
THEM: Doesn’t everyone?
ME: Not really. I haven’t had sex in two years.
THEM (in tones of Shock and Awe that would make GWB proud): YOU”RE KIDDING??! REALLY??

Yes, really. They then proceed to stare with an expression somewhere between sympathy and fascination - the look you might give to someone in an iron lung. It’s as if the rest of the planet views sex as a must-have, not a Choice, with most people eager to stick a thumb in any pie available in hopes of pulling out a plum. After all, who doesn’t want pie? The only reason not to gorge on pie is if someone keeps it from you. Evil cunts. Can’t you see I need pie? If you aren’t getting laid or at least working on it, the obvious reason is someone is denying you your god given right.

Celibacy, on the other hand, is about refusal. Me? Not so interested in pie right now, thanks bunches. I have eaten more than my share of pie in life and frankly, I’m full. I can’t think of anything I’ve wanted to do sexually that I haven’t at least tried. Yup, done that. Uh huh. Oh yeah, we all did that. One bonus of being Celibate is it doesn’t require any work which is only a good thing. Celibacy means thinking about something other than your hips and to some people, this means not thinking at all.

I’m certainly not promoting Celibacy. If someone has never had sex with another person, then for god’s sake, get to work. For the rest of us though, please give us a break. No, I’m not looking at your chest and I’m not flirting when I’m nice. I don’t care, I don’t have to. I’m Celibate.

8:17:36 PM    sro home /