HOMO MEMO

TO: REPUBLICANS
FROM: SRO
RE: MARRIAGE

As you might recall from our last meeting, I asked for several proposals re: Gay Marriage (Operation Vera Wang). Thanks for your reports, however there’s something I think you all missed. I don’t want your “marriage”. Blech. Currently the management of marriage seems rather shaky at best. Perhaps random drug tests in this area could be an option. Otherwise unless you can show me one discernible benefit of Marriage, I’ll pass.

Perhaps we need to think outside the box. Maybe a Marriage Option, something not marriage at all but personally geared to the “Alternative Market”? Additional sales from cards and party favors alone could prove profitable. My short list for titles includes:

1. Mary Tyler Moorage
2. Fairyage
3. Hairyage (for hairy men) or Nairage (for the smoother)
4. Mellisage Etherage for the lady folk

Perhaps a spokesperson (Richard Chamberlain or wrong demographic?) or a theme song (“It’s Raining Rice”? ) would lure customers. The “VH-1 Diva Salute to the Supreme Court” works for me although please, no Whitney. The irony of her “marriage” alone may be too much for a broad audience to understand.

Anyways, back to the drawing board. Thanks though for all the warm and fuzzies and I look forward to your continued misled fascination with the subject.

6:55:08 PM    sro home /

BREAD

One of my “hobbies” in High School was making bread. Yes, that’s just the kind of kid I was. If it seems odd, you may be reassured to know I also made quiches. My mother worked all week and was thankful for whatever help she got in the kitchen and wisely chose to ignore the implications. Every Saturday, I would make a couple of loaves for my family and for two or three days we would eat thick slabs of delicious made-from-scratch white bread. My interest was such that my mother even bought me one of those lucite tubes which can be used to make French baguettes. I think I used it once but something about it seemed, I don’t know, impersonal. You’d put the dough inside like a mouse inside a snake and while baking it’d expand and press against the clear walls looking panicked and trapped. It never achieved the same color as the other loaves and while it may have been bread, it wasn’t the bread for me.

The process of making bread is itself a transformation. Yeast is reborn in warm water to multiply during the rising process, like Sea Monkeys. The dough is literally alive, nurtured by warmth. Even after being placed in a rectangular metal pan, it continues to expand out of the box. The oven finally kills the process and hopefully leaves a golden crust, dough becoming bread. It’s eaten and becomes part of us and lives on by nurturing our bodies, the phoenix of foods.

Bread is a culinary superstar. Give us this day, our daily bread : Best Product Placement Ever. Fortunately for Christians, Jesus did not say “Take a bite of this cherry pie, this is my body.” Visually that would probably be a little too much information so he wisely chose bread. There is not a rock band called Green Bean Casserole. When you have money, you don’t have Saltines. It’s named Wonder Bread, not Complacency Bread. Children aren’t Creamed Corn or Pop Tarts, they’re bred. Coincidence? I think not.

Go ahead, make some bread. I dare you. Every day make something alive and use it to feed your spirit. Hold the loaf in both hands and break it open to reveal the warm center. Share the halves with everyone you can - around your table, in your conversations. Give a piece to anyone and say “Look, I made this.”

1:33:52 PM    sro home /