TIGERBEAT

Dear Siegfreid -

Or is it Roy? To be honest, I could never figure out who was who. One of you is *cough cough* Blond and one Brunette but otherwise I’m useless. You, the one not injured, are the Blond and you have my sincerest prayers.

It sounded dramatic. Tigers, bloodshed, confused audience. You say the tiger was trying to protect Brunette and you know what? I believe you. Polly has an affinity for Yorkshire Terriers which she demonstrates by grabbing their tiny furry necks in her mouth and holding them to the ground. Maybe she thinks they are cats or squirrels. It looks pretty Cujo-like but I know she wouldn’t harm them and no blood is ever involved. On release, the Yorkies usually chase her, batting their little paws, until she pins them in her jaws again. However Polly does not have tiger teeth or tiger claws.

Aside from the visual, what’s really intriguing is how News Reports scoot quickly over the details until stalling at that One Word. Interview with legendary Las Vegas entertainer about his... uh... “partner”. I can almost see the teleprompter pausing, flashing red, Handle With Kid Gloves. It’s like the millisecond before you jump into a cold stream and you haven’t done anything but you hold your breath and then, then you jump. Partner. They hit the icy water and their balls are contracting into their throats. You are, after all, the first, uh. “relationship” to face a crisis in public as a couple. Not Attaching or Breaking Up but George and Laura dealing with the Twins. Without intent or desire, you are breaking New Ground.

I wonder if an accident had happened to either Penn or Teller (again, who knows which is which?) what the news would say. It would be pronounced partner not Partner. His “performing partner”. His “co-star”. His - dare I say it - “straight man”. You are also one of the rare Couples who actually perform together, putting you in the company of... Steve Lawrence and Eddie Gourmet? My point exactly. If Steve was, say, mauled by a costume change on stage in front of his wife, what would the interviews be about? Not about the costume, I’d bet.

Trust me, there have been more than a few conversations in newsrooms about how to “handle this situation”, i.e. You, situated next to your partner of a zillion years who also happens to be a man. Perhaps talking in code to America is the answer, a code America has already cracked in order to understand Television this year. The News shouts Spanish at Spaniards under the mistaken notion that talking louder increases our comprehension.

My thoughts are with you. I’m slightly startled to find myself thinking I admire you. The hair, the costumes, the almost other-worldy aura you’ve created around your passions. Your heroic efforts to deal with personal fear in the realm of laden code, an experience millions of gay people have struggled with in a personal arena. This arena is now public and you are the unlikely Gladiator.

All the best - Hugh

12:31:59 PM    sro home /