Breathtaking. The sun stretches it's arms. You are here.


8:58:29 PM    sro home /

DEALER

I have never been to Las Vegas which in LA is akin to admitting you’ve never had sex. You’re kidding! Oh, you’d love it! Gee, I still remember the first time I went to Las Vegas! It’s not a lack of interest. Spectacle, rides, shopping, food - all no brainers. Gambling too, in so much that my Gambling Fantasy includes winning huge amounts of cash due to my uncanny luck and sheer concentration. Duh.

I’m not particularly a Gamblin’ Man, at least in that context. Neither am I a Ramblin’ Man, a Rolling Stone, a Rocket Man or a Preacher Man. Indeed lately I have rarely felt like a Man at all. You may immediately think “Oh no!” or “Tsk tsk” as if loosening an attachment to my gender was a bad thing, would (as They say) make me “less of a Man”. Sorry, it’s just me. HughMan.

I haven’t taken on Woman Things (in case you were wondering). Frankly none of the external Woman Things appeal to me. Make-up, birth, motherhood, tampons. I know there’s more but these are ones featured in Commercials. Thanks, Ladies, for taking care of all that. I confess earrings appealed to me so I preempted them around 20 years ago. Now, of course, it’s a moot point. I rarely do Man Things either. I take out the trash but my cleaning lady does too. I shave when I remember or when Roughhewn starts looking Homeless. I’m not big on looking in the mirror, it’s not like I have to fix my hair. I can’t do anything on a car but I can rewire lamps.

I am currently sitting out on Sex, the one area where Gender would be a factor with a male or female. If I do sense a small waft of Sexual Tension, I’m slightly startled. Oh yeah... That! It is indeed like riding a bicycle, where the Ride lives inside you not in the Bike. At that moment I may scramble for my armor, Oh, uh, we were just playing cards. Be right there. Just slipping on my helmet, if I can find it. Usually, however, I appreciate the note and continue trying to just be a person, not a body harboring a Romantic Hugh Film Festival. Casablahblah. From Here Till A Few Months From Now. Don’t Touch My Stuff.

Women respond to me intuitively as a Man, I assume because of my size. I’m bigger, Manly Looking. I’m a Presence recalling some Primal Urge to gravitate towards the largest and strongest of the Pack. Uh-oh. See, uh, I thought you were finding bananas. Men circle, ruffle, straighten their backs, freeze their expressions, stand instead of sit. Sometimes I might stand but it seems so, so cruel. After all, I’m the one who’s 6’6”.

I’m the House in that Casino, the odds in my favor almost every time. In that Ancient Game, just like in my Gambling Fantasy, I could win and win and win. The real question is “What fun is that?” Doesn’t winning all the time take the Gambol out of Gambling? What separates a Champion from a Good Player is Champions always overcome adversity. Dud hand. Bad move. Awkward moments. Senseless comments. It all seems so frustrating and pointless...

Then you feel the cards in your hand. Crisp, smooth, elegantly curving to form a sensuous fan. You admire their familiar faces, something that gratefully has failed to change. The ridges in your chips let you stack them like Legos, towers, castles, cities. You push them all forward because adding to the kitty has a momentum and logic of it’s own. Their bright colors remind you of something from long ago. A dress your mother had, a field you crossed, stained glass. Something that started long before you and your Mannish ways.

1:35:07 PM    sro home /