SUN BLOCK

The Sun has unleashed another solar storm, supposedly the largest in thirty years, which is hurtling towards us a the rate of a million miles an hour. Doh! The effects are supposedly minimal, mainly outed communication satellites and the like due to “extreme radio waves”. Or maybe it’s glitter. Either way, it’s going to get into everything. My satellite does not, thankfully, use such devices. The Truth is we have no idea what actually will happen, in the short or long term. A cell phone problem, a deeply genetic change in animal or plant life, people writhing on the hot pavement like french fries, all of the above.

No matter where you go or what you do that day, you’ll be effected somehow. You can run, but you can not hide as the very air will be chock full of Sunny Delight. Basically, you’re fucked. You will die. Ok, maybe not next Tuesday ( or is it Wednesday?) when the solar flare hits us, after all it’s only the, uh, Sun. I’m sure it’s just some Mid-Management Problem causing the eruptions in our, you know, Source of Life. Anyhow the point is did you really think you have anything to say about it? We’re all gonna die. Duh. Really, don’t even try and flatter yourself. Aww, you thought you could change when you die, didn’t you? That’s kinda cute.

As someone who knows what it is to live under the threat of Dangerous Rays, let me help.

1. Time is an extremely flexible concept. Take away clocks, the Sun (doh!) and all you’re left with is a Jump The Shark idea. See, it’s a new way for people to measure their life! Like a ruler for your soul! Uh... ok. Can I hold one? Time? Not yet. We’re working on it though. Can I see it? Look in the mirror buddy. That’s not time, that’s my body. Trust me.

I have been attentive to Time, polite even. Cordial, like you are with a salesman who sits on your couch while you’re hoping they leave. Smiling and nodding helps. They may tell you all about “How Things Are”. Time - They may suggest - is like a trip with a beginning and end. After they finally walk out, you pick up the empty Coke can he left on the coffee table. You carry it to the kitchen on your outstretched hands, palms up. You are delivering the Sacred Urn to the Tomb of Some Egyptian Guy. Show them a Trip . Be a Nomad.

2. TO:YOU
FROM:THE UNIVERSE
PLEASE STOP TAKING YOURSELF SO SERIOUSLY STOP WE GOT THE POINT BUT THIS IS NOT ALL ABOUT YOU STOP IT WILL ALL WORK OUT ONE WAY OR THE OTHER STOP WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY STOP WHAT DO YOU REPRESENT STOP JUST BREATH STOP STOP STOP.

3. I’d like to take this moment to thank the computer for a great job. Yes, the space key is getting stuck but keep up the good work! Thank you Polly. Thank you soft bed. Thank you Thai food. Thank you bathroom light. Thank you 24. Thank you Science. Thank you Fake Black TV President. Thank you Daily Show. Thank you e-mails. Thank you Secret Paypal Person. Thank you Me for letting your fingers sink like roots into the words.

4. Sunny day, slight breeze. Polly licking my face. The sheets are crisp and cool and I lean over and drift some more. Fresh coffee. That person’s life and that person’s life and that person’s life. The blue sky. Phone calls, music, Ellen, dogs. What would you do on your last day on Earth? Make it happen, take care of yourself, manage your life. Do whatever it is, day after day, until you can scarcely distinguish where your so-called life differs from the voyage in your head. Welcome aboard. You look great. They were right for once, it is like a boat on a stream. I’m so glad you could come with me.

10:46:56 PM    sro home /