STANDING ROOM ONLY

Friday, February 6, 2004

GYPSIES, TRAMPS AND THIEVES

The Metrosexual Tarot (thanks to Scott Rosenberg). Because we love words with silent letters. Because it can show you’re Sensitive yet Hetero. Because chicks dig someone who can talk about their feelings - or your feelings, at home, inside, cuddling. Because I always knew I had SuperPowers.

The Gay Pal

The gay pal is the straight guy's personal magician, casting the spell of fabulosity over what would otherwise be a beige, unimaginative, upscale het-guy existence. Funny how the years change us. In high school he was mercilessly taunted and flogged for his delicate, sissy nature. Now his sensibilities and aesthetic choices are a precious resource. Gay men have always been the advance guard of metrosexuality -- just another marginalized underclass who took it on the chin so that white, het guys could benefit from the lifestyle innovations. Hmm... History repeats itself? Anyway, every metrosexual needs a gay pal and his queer eye.

Meaning: Skill, vision, hard work, inspiration.

Reversed: Betrayal, duplicity, loss of direction..

6:32:58 PM

sro home /

CANDID CAMERA

Here’s a “scientific test” to determine your ability to differentiate between so-called Fake and Real smiles. These are not professional models, so be prepared for smiles that could easily come from Crazed Serial Killers. I got 13 out of 20 right.

Suggested added dialogue:

“That was great. No, really.”
“Of course I want to go out/sleep/live with you.”
“I’ll wait right here.”
“No, you’re not too old to wear/do/say that.”
“I’m really, really happy for you.”
“Your new boyfriend/mother/therapist seems very nice.”
“I’m not in a hurry. Take your time.”
“Thanks, it’s just what I wanted for Christmas/my Birthday/to hear before I die.”
“All your blood tests/jokes/scores came out good.”

12:30:15 PM

sro home /