Per The NYT’s article on the 12th Christian Second Coming Novel, Glorious Appearing:

MY BOOK REPORT

Ok, so everything starts out all normal. Except for the huge World War and the Anti-Christ Guy who controls everything but we don’t even see him at first. It’s just like a regular day when *POOF*, everyone vanishes. I mean the Christians, the real Christians. Cars start swerving, waitresses vanish, salespeople nowhere to be found. Three days later everyone notices but no one knows what happened. After all, the people left aren’t exactly the ones who would know. So basically we’re talking Jews and Fags. Finally one of them looks around and notices there are no Republicans. They have a big party.

So this pisses God off. A lot. He’s about to make a Big Entrance and no one is reallly paying much attention since they’re having too much fun dancing and buying wholesale. Here the shit really hits the fan. God (or Jesus, I mean does it really matter?) yells down “HEY! IT’S ME, GOD (or JESUS).” So everyone stops and He’s kinda tickled about that so he says “I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE. YOU HAVE SIXTY DAYS.” Everyone looks at their datebook and several of them tsk and wince. “OK,” He says, “ONE HUNDRED DAYS.” Everyone nods pleasantly and continue dancing because, after all, how long can Conversion really take?

Some of them aren’t happy with the music or the door policy so they decide to just get it over with. Barbra Streisand, for example, reprises Yentyl (hello... Fags and Jews) but in the middle of “Papa, Can You Hear Me?”, He does. She disappears forthwith along with two white Siberian tigers. James Brolin, oddly enough, decides to wait.

Finally, after just weeks of bad weather, The Big Man makes his return. There’s smoke and lights and really cute angels wearing Dolce and Gabbana wings. Everyone left on Earth looks at their watch and says, “Oh shit!” There are Armys too, mostly Jews since Fags can’t serve in the military. Of course they get splattered because of the whole “Fighting God” thing. I’m just saying. When it’s all over there are noticably shorter waiting times at Disneyworld. The End.

3:04:37 PM    sro home /