WMD SMACKDOWN


V.P. Dick Cheney bitch-slaps fellow politician :


WASHINGTON -- Vice President Dick Cheney on Tuesday hurled an obscenity on the Senate floor to punctuate an angry exchange with Vermont Sen. Patrick Leahy as all senators gathered for their annual photo.

During the normally collegial session, Cheney confronted Leahy to lodge a complaint about his recent criticism of the vice president over sole-source contracts Halliburton, a Houston-based oil field services giant, received for work in Iraq. Before becoming vice president, Cheney served as the company's chief executive.

Leahy fired back, saying administration allies had tried to brand Democrats as anti-Catholic during heated debates over judicial nominees. Cheney turned on his heels, saying "- yourself" or "go - yourself," according to a Senate source in a position to know.



Dear Dick,

I read about your cat fight heated exchange on the Senate floor yesterday. Bummer. There you were all worried about your pearls looking right for the Yearbook and someone mentions your slip showing. That bitch. Skank. Chess Club geek.

None the less, the “f-word” is kinda harsh. Especially since, you know, you’re like an International Tyrant Figure and all. I haven’t personally been involved in many conflicts of this nature since I avoid photographs but I do have some suggestions for future retorts :

1. “I know you are but what am I?” - Always a classic. Bonus points for being able to repeat indefinitely to any response.

2. “No you di’nt.” - Ghetto fabulous. Particularly effective if you weave your shoulders from side to side while shaking one finger.

3. “I’m rubber, you’re glue. What bounces off me sticks to you.” - Perhaps dated (rubber? glue?). You could try “I’m teflon, you’re a Post-it.”. Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue but does leave your foe dazed and confused.

4. “You don’t know me!” - Effective because it’s true. Does anyone really know you? Does anyone, on a Global Scale, really “know” anyone? Throwing chairs is an optional accessory.

5. “Don’t fuck with me fellas!” - Who doesn’t love Movie Quotes? Granted, you aren’t psychotic scary looking Joan Crawford but it worked for Faye Dunaway. (Movie Quote Plan B : “Luke, I’m your father.” Not logical but I assure you it’ll scare the shit out of them.)

Feel free to use any of my suggestions. I bet you’ll be surprised at the results. If all else fails, grab a Cosmopolitan off the bar and fling it in their face.

F***ing Myself As I Type - SRO

1:24:44 PM    sro home /