POOFTIEPIES FIRST MASH NOTE

Actual photo reply from Match.com

Dear, uh, Whatever,

Thank you for your interest to my Match.com profile. They say we’re a 66% match and I can only imagine what ate the other 34%. I mean, uh, where it went.

First, let me answer a few of your questions. No, I do not actually make pies. Certainly not in the large amounts you mentioned. I understand if this is a Deal Breaker. I have the same issue with men who wear hip-huggers. You correctly noted we both think a good time “was laughing till we snorted”, however I have little experience in CPR. It’s not that I’m not willing to learn the Heimlich Maneuver, it’s the cost of the Gym Membership I’d need that stops me.

In your picture you look very, uh, jolly. In a Musical Theatre kind of way. I’m only saying I fully support your Hairspray ambitions. The World of the Stage is the World of Illusion and some of us desperately need the experience. I’m assuming that also explains your lack of eyebrows.

Now a few questions of my own. First, are you a)Chinese b)stoned or c)Albino. Just asking. Second, you say you like animals but I just want to clarify we’re talking as Pets. Last but not least, please explain in 10 words or less exactly what is on your head. No need for details. “I was on a Rollercoaster” is perfectly fine.

Again, thanks for you interest and I look forward to winning the lottery.


Regards - P.P.


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