TY-RANT


Dear Tyra,

Man, you are one fucking scary bitch. In a good way. Kinda. Please don’t hit me.

On one hand you’re all about ”keeping it real” as a Strong Black Woman. Or so you constantly remind us like in your recent bat-shit crazy startling outburst on America's Next Top Model. You got all ghetto with the finger pointing and the head weaving. That shit rocked, like watching a Tranny fight. Talking about your “Momma”. Yeah, we saw your Mother last season. I got it. She’s the Maya Angelou of Supermodel Moms. I totally buy the picture of her whippin’ up bisquits for her little model-in-training. Totes.

But Tyra, let’s get real. You’ve been a model for like, what, forever? You were Good Witch to Naomi Campbell’s Bad Witch. Now on ANTM, you’re surrounded by fags (Q: Jay Manual. A: Looks like an Oompa Loompa.) and during judging you’re Queen of The Glamazons on Planet Eye Shadow (dum dum DUM). You really need a cape with a high collar and a scepter. That would be awesome.

After this week, you have all the flying monkeys atwitter over the mood of the castle. Including me and I’m only a Black Woman Model in the deepest bowels of my psyche. I put on some Tina Turner after watching you and threw on a mini-strut when leaving my apartment.

Other than that... please don’t hit me.

Lates, GF -

SRO

1:27:45 PM    sro home /