STANDING ROOM ONLY

Thursday, April 21, 2005

AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL

After The Girl fainting and Tyra freaking out on our ass, this would be a tough week to beat.You’d think.

However the worst, worst thing on America’s Top Model is that PEOPLE DIE. SOMEWHERE. NOT ON CAMERA BUT SOMEWHERE. OH MY FUCKING GOD. If you are a friend of one of America’s Next Top Models, you will die! It’s probably in their contract. If one of you don’t die she will have to pack her bags and leave immediately.

Worse, your death fucks with her next modeling assignment which means a) you meant, like, alot to her and b) you suck. Ruining her career and all. Hiss. Boo.

I’m starting to love this show because I hate it so much, not because I love it so much. The assignments get freakier and weirder while the girls get blaher and blaher.

Oooo, I have to lie in a hole six feet under in a cemetery! I’m scared! Scared, exactly, of what? Vampires reaching out to you from the dirt walls? The entire ten zillion TV crew freaking and deciding en mass to bury you alive? Get a grip.

I did realize why Tyra holds the pictures at the end like she does. Over her womb. She’s like Mother Goddess Supermodel whipping out Babymodels. Some big-ass Queen Model Ant pushing out Worker Models. Born anew to bring boring-ass pretty to the world.

11:27:06 AM

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