THAT GIRL


I’m the girl who hit Leonardo DiCaprio with the bottle.

Ok, I’m not really That Girl but you know from now on she’s going to be “That Girl who hit Leonardo DiCaprio with the bottle”. Forever and ever. Even if she becomes President, they will say “President That Girl, who once hit Leonardo DiCaprio with a bottle, went to Egypt today.”

Also, I’m not a girl, I’m a boy. Well, man. But I have hit someone with a bottle!

Not really. I did once flick a cig butt on the street in New York and almost hit a baby stroller. Totes by accident. Honest. I had a quick vision of the entire thing bursting into flames, the baby a tiny protesting monk. The mother would be holding the handles and all of it would instantly become ash and crumble to the ground, like a cartoon. She’d stand in shock, her empty arms still extended.

Fortunately, it missed and dove harmlessly to the curb. Still, this is a prime example of me almost hitting Someone with Something. I’d be “That Guy who sat the baby on fire” forever and ever. “President That Guy, who once sat a baby on fire, went to Egypt today.”

Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen. Like I’m ever gonna go to Egypt. Pffttt.


11:11:54 AM    sro home /