the goddess - second half of act one

SCENE FOUR



HELEN

(Facing the audience.) Your mother and I met sometime in the sixties. We were hopeful young actresses, more young than hopeful. Oh I landed some good roles but mostly did it to meet money. I think she really wanted to act but got sidetracked entertaining your father’s career. She got her wish, I’ve seen many award-winning performances in this house. Your birth alone was a cast of thousands, she planned to get it right the second time. Everyone had a job, mine was placing the notice in Variety. Are you filming yet dear? Auntie Helen could use another cocktail. Now lets see... an audition tape? It’s been years since I’ve been asked to audition. The important thing is lighting. Let’s move over by the window. Yes, I know it’s dark outside but curtains add such drama to things, don’t you see? There we are, big sweeping yards of expensive fabric signifying the vast expanse of modern culture over the windows of art. That was rather nice, did you get that? Dear Dylan, what can I say? I’ve known you since you were a small babe wrapped in swaddling clothes with the tiniest little wee-wee you’ve ever seen. It was almost freakish sometimes, you’d be changing your diapers and think you lost something. What? Oh yes, well I’m sure everyone knows things are different now. You probably got your father’s genes there. I mean I’ve never seen it or anything but your mother and I are the best of friends, there’s nothing we haven’t skimmed over. Now that I think about it, it’s odd she never talked about you. Not that she had to tell me, you always were the sensitive type. But back to “REEL LIFE”. I’ve been involved in film for many many years, so there is alot I can tell you about “REEL LIFE”, the life magically created through the miracle of cinema and then shown to you, strewn across America, on reels. Why’d you stop? It’s what? “Real” as in “fake-real”? Well that's a shitty title. Darling, do you think this whole thing will take off? Think about movies, your father’s a producer for Christ’s sake. Get Auntie Helen another cocktail and we’ll talk about it... Cheech, darling! Sweet prince?

(CHEECHY appears.)

CHEECHY

Swoon, swoon... how perfect, I was just about to feign seeing you again.

HELEN

I’m charmed.

CHEECHY

Pleasure is mine and mine alone.

HELEN

Indeed.

CHEECHY

So?

HELEN

You saw her.

CHEECHY

Dreadful.

HELEN

Tragic.

CHEECHY

Repulsive.

HELEN

Yeasty.

CHEECHY

Like some fiery mass of flesh along the roadside.

HELEN

So vivid.

CHEECHY

I’m an artist.

HELEN

Me too.

CHEECHY

But June...

HELEN

What?

CHEECHY

The yearling.

JUNE

The who?

CHEECHY

Fragile creature.

HELEN

June?

CHEECHY

Fount of maternal milk.

HELEN

Or gin.

CHEECHY

She needs help.

HELEN

We’re hardly au pairs.

CHEECHY

We’re friends.

HELEN

Out of our jurisdiction.

CHEECHY

Says who?

HELEN

It’s their marriage!

CHEECHY

June’s never stepped in with you and Byron?

HELEN

It’s Boyd. There was when I wrecked the car.

CHEECHY

You wrecked your car?

HELEN

Good God, no. Not my car.

CHEECHY

Why were you driving it?

HELEN

Darling, this is so tiresome. I wasn’t driving any car.

CHEECHY

But Byron got mad?

HELEN

Livid.

CHEECHY

Talking?

HELEN

Barely. I’d be put on hold.

CHEECHY

That’s bad.

HELEN

June thought so.

CHEECHY

What’d she do?

HELEN

Threw a party.

CHEECHY

You had to come.

HELEN

As did Boyd.

CHEECHY

And the gin.

HELEN

And the looks and the kisses and my long, long legs.

CHEECHY

Kick kick.

HELEN

World renowned.

CHEECHY

The legs.

HELEN

The parties!

CHEECHY

So where is he now?

HELEN

With his father I think.

CHEECHY

Byron?

HELEN

It’s Boyd.

CHEECHY

With Zev?

HELEN

Dylan.

CHEECHY

Ah.

HELEN

Drink?

CHEECHY

Gin.

HELEN

Off to Planet Cocktail.


(They EXIT as LIGHTS FADE.)


END OF SCENE FOUR

SCENE FIVE


(LIGHTS UP on DYLAN and FAITH.)

DYLAN

Faith, it’s my audition tape. Just say something about why I should be on this TV show.

FAITH

Why should anyone be on TV?

DYLAN

Just make something up! I’m your brother, for Christ’s sake.

FAITH

You sound like Dad.

DYLAN

And you sound like Mom.

FAITH

That won’t get me talking to your Video Date.

DYLAN

It’s not a Video Date. (Under his breath.) Bitch.

FAITH

Sweet. Now you sound like her.

DYLAN

Forget it. I only want cool people on my video anyway.

FAITH

I see. You’re cool because you’re gay, is that it?

DYLAN

Who told you? It was Cheechy, wasn’t it?

FAITH

Cheechy? Why would I talk to him about you? It’s true then.

DYLAN

I didn’t say that.

FAITH

I can tell, you know. No offense, but it’s not like you’re Tom Cruise or anything. I may not like TV but I watch it and I know how to recognize gays. Besides - newsflash - I don’t care.

DYLAN

You don’t?

FAITH

I wasn’t prepared to take full blame for carrying the family genes, but what can I do? You’re gay.

DYLAN

Wow.

FAITH

Wow?

DYLAN

You may be the first person I’ve actually heard say it.

FAITH

You’re gay, you’re gay, you’re gay. There.

DYLAN

Okkkk... it was nice talking but I’m due back on Earth now.

FAITH

What about the tape?

DYLAN

Uh... don’t worry about it.

FAITH

C’mon, I’ll say something cool, I promise. Ready? Hello, this is Faith, Dylan’s sister, and also his attorney should he need one. I’m not necessarily speaking in a professional capacity but I know these things involve alot of contracts and accident waivers so I’m sure we’ll be meeting at some point. Dylan is a very special boy who has a, well, sensitive side I’m sure a good ten percent of your viewers will identify with. Like the late great Bob Dylan, our own Dylan beats to the beat of a different drummer and we’ll always love him for that. Good night and God speed. There... see, I’m not a total dweeb.

DYLAN

Thanks Faith, that was sweet. Oh, a couple of things. First, Bob Dylan isn’t dead yet. And second, you forgot to JUST SAY I’M A BIG SWISHY HOMO! HELLO! ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

FAITH

There’s no reason to be ashamed. Coming out is a long and painful process.

DYLAN

Who are you, RuPaul? How do you know that?

FAITH

From the internet, of course. I’ve been reading up in my spare time.

DYLAN

Anything else I should know about you bringing me out?

FAITH

Just know, Dylan, no matter what, you’re still my brother.

DYLAN

Great, I just came out and that may be the worst part of being gay.



(BLACKOUT)



END OF SCENE FIVE

SCENE SIX



JUNE

Our - well, my husband’s - concern about our son is nearly as great as his fear of losing his hair. They say it’s genetic anyways so who are we to try and change God’s mind? I mean about the hair, the jury’s still out on the other thing. I tell him if it’s so with Dylan, it’s so. I’ll take the blame for alot of things, but not that. It’s not easy watching your children struggle, face problems, face their fears. You watch something you held in your arms grow and run like everything runs away - like traffic runs over the freeways, like blood runs out of the body, like life runs towards death... running away, away...

(LIGHTS UP as everyone appears.)

ZEV

Attention! Attention ladies and gentleman, I’d like to propose a toast...

JUNE

The first time Zev won an Oscar, he wrote a speech which was great if you’re named Jesus and standing on a Mount. Ten painful primetime seconds before the music swelled...

ZEV

(Raises his glass.) To my dear son Dylan... now that you’ve graduated from one school, let’s hope the next one doesn’t take as long.

DYLAN

Dad, there’s the whole Real Life thing, remember?

ZEV

Agghh... television, my poor ears. To my son’s future - wherever it may take him.

FAITH

Even if it’s West Hollywood.

ZEV

What’s that mean?

DYLAN

Nothing, Dad, it was just a smartass remark.

CHEECHY

I thought she saved those for sex.

ZEV

A wiseass in this family? You gotta be kidding. So tell us.

DYLAN

Dad, it was nothing.

ZEV

I’m talking to your sister. If she wants to make a toast, then let her. Faith?

FAITH

Well... I was just saying how proud I am of the diversity here today...

ZEV

(Aside to JUNE.) What the hell is she talking about?

JUNE

Just smile, dear.

FAITH

...and no matter what choices each of us makes in our lifestyles...

CHEECHY

This sounds Republican.

HELEN

If you squint abit she could be... someone. I can’t think of any young Republican women.

FAITH

... what’s important is we’re all a family and nothing can change that.

CHEECHY

What a cheery thought.

HELEN

Like hip replacement.

JUNE

On that note everyone, the bar is in the other room.

(EVERYONE disperses as IONA steps forward.)

IONA

Excuse me. (JUNE and ZEV stop.) I’d like to say something to the people here.

ZEV

Iona, sweetheart, maybe this isn’t the best time...

IONA

(To JUNE) Do you mind?

JUNE

Um, no, I suppose not. Go right ahead, these people are free agents - not that I’d know. I’ll have Suzette bring more cheesy things just in case. (EXITS.)

IONA

Thank you. Hello it’s me, the dreaded “other woman” everyone keeps talking about. Thought I’d throw in a few words here. (Looks down at her chest.) Do they look that big? I’m supposed to be the enemy but one thing I’ve learned in this business is don't believe everything you hear. Zev talks about her - all the time - but I wanted to come see her myself. He tells me about their dinners, how she has a few glasses of wine and fusses over him so much she forgets to eat. We’re talking about food in a four star restaurant, can you believe it? It seems wasteful but I’d never say that, he worships her. When something in a store window catches his eye, he lights up and he’s thinking of her. When there’s music, the kind that takes you away, he goes to her. When I hear music, I dream of a place where noone knows who I am. He knows who she is. He knows, I know and when the night grows dark and we all have to see by the light of the moon, isn’t that all that matters? Isn’t it?

(BLACKOUT)




END OF ACT ONE

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