luke+me
This series began when I found this webpage called KIDS AND TEENS FOR SATAN.
LUKE+ME : NEW! IMPROVED! SATAN!
KIDS AND TEENS FOR SATAN :
“If your parents are christians, they will more than likely get very upset with you for your interest in Satan.”
dear satan :
hi! my name is jenny capshaw and i’m new to the whole satan thing but i have to say, what you said would happen about my parents was SO RIGHT. my mom and dad TOTALLY FREAKED and i really really think it’s so unfair.
first off, i’m not a kid. i’m SIXTEEN. susie micheals had a BABY when she was sixteen (duh. guess you knew that) and worshipping you can’t be harder than pushing out a BABY?? i should be able to do WHAT I WANT esp. have my own room and not have PEOPLE looking through my things. TOTALLY NOT KEWL.
i come home after school and my mom is all like WHAT IS THIS? and pointing at my ibook. i’m like it's a comutor, duh! and she’s like I MEANT THIS SITE. well it must be part of my new satan power but i totally knew what she was talking about. yes! she was LOOKING AT MY BROWSING HISTORY! so not kewl.
so i said it was for a school project and she said ARE YOU A SATANISTS?! NO, i am not a satanists because i’m not one yet, so it wasn’t like lying even though i guess satanists would lie. oh, just a sug, could you maybe call them something but satanists? i mean, it does sound kinda icky and it’s hard to say. still something BAD and all but maybe HOTT like you’d wear on a tshirt. like DEVILEERS or JINXES. whatevs, it would just look better.
so then my mom is all FREAKING OUT and grabbing my shoulders and looking at me weird. i think she was looking for DRUGS or EXTRA EYELINER. like no! i thought she was gonna shake me which would have been so cool cause i’d just had a smoothie and i would have barfed right on her.
then she starts screaming again, WAIT TILL YOUR FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS! it was so gross and i just screamed back that DAD was probably ALREADY A DEVILLEER ( see!) and just slammed my door. since i’m not an Official Devileer yet there wasn’t alot i could do so i lit a match and said some bad words around my room. i hope you don’t mind. i just made it up and could totally take it all back if it’s wrong.
later when i went down to dinner my mom was all like PASS THE CARROTS and i just wanted to barf. i guess she didn’t say anything to dad since he never goes on the computer anyways. i just acted like whatevs and tried making little SATAN SIGNS in the mashed potatoes so she'd freak when she does the dishes.
anyhoo, just letting you know how your (almost) new Demoness Jenny is doin’.
LUFF HATTE YA! - d.jen:(:(:(
LUKE+ ME : PT. II - TOTALLY HOTT
KIDS AND TEENS FOR SATAN :
“WE DON'T EVER SUMMON DEMONS FOR FUN OR TO PLAY AROUND. SUMMONING A DEMON IS VERY SERIOUS.”
dear luke,
hi! demoness jen checking in again. i know it’s LUCIFER but i think LUKE sounds way cuter. it’s not like i’m gonna pass you in the hall and be all like hey luke but HEY LUCIFER would be queer.
well i’ve been trying really hard to be a good DEVILEER despite what some people (like my PARENTS, duh) think about my new religion. i would just say here and now that my mom is a TOTAL BITCH but since we’re like opposites and all, i’m gonna say she’s hott (cause that’s how much she grosses me out).
last week she comes in my room which was so not kewl and has on her TAMPON FACE (the one she had on the time she was forced to talk about tampons with me cause i almost flunked gym). so she has on THAT FACE and i totally had demonvision that i was going to hear shit. WHY ARE YOU A SATANISTS??!! she’s SCREAMING and i was like that's not even what we're called, MOTHER. i’m not going to tell her our new secret name (DEVILEERS) cause she’d just spaz over that too.
the whole time she’s looking around like i have dead babies and stuff everywhere (which i don’t yet). the only thing she could possibly find was this old avon candle i’ve been using for SPELLS but she probably thinks i use it to hide SMOKE. me smoking would be FINE but not being able to worship the prince of darkness in my own room isn’t??!!! so not kewl.
then she tells me I’M GROUNDED! luke, i CAN’T be grounded! how am i supposed to spread SATAN when i’m grounded?! the mall is not coming to me! that’s when i remembered what you said about DEMONS and stuff. trust me, this is definitely NOT FUN or PLAYING AROUND, satan. this is about MY RIGHT to be a DEVILEER. v. v. serious.
so if possible, could you please send a demon here to my house to get me NOT grounded? i am willing to do anything here to help if i have to. i can not (yet) get anything really bloody but my RETARD father says we have squirrels in the garage. (not that he ever will) but if he caught one, i bet we could use it. i think my MOTHER probably has about a jillion of the avon candles, so no prob there.
LET ME KNOW SOON LUKE! this is like HELL HEAVEN (you know what i mean).
HATTE YA - d.jen:(:(
LUKE AND ME : PT. III
KIDS AND TEENS FOR SATAN :
“If you decide to join us, in Satan, don't feel pressured. You don't have to dedicate your soul to become a Satanist.”
dear luke,
today was the WORST day of my life. i guess in DEVILEER/satanists speak it would be the best day of my life but it wasn’t.
sandy peterson, who is in my homeroom and CLAIMS she is a xIAN, is a total bitch. i don’t even know what we DEVILEERS would call her but i bet she’s secretly one of us cause she is EVIL. i hate her. tons.
and PRINCE of darkness, i felt pressured. v. v. pressured. i looked at HER and her xIAN ways and thought if that is xIAN then i would rather be a DEVILEER. a DEVILEER wouldn’t walk by and say “are you on a diet?” we have demons and stuff to do that, right?
so i just smiled at little miss “ORAL ISN’T DOING IT” and you’d have been proud. my newly found demonforce bounced the pressure off and while i can not dedicate my soul to you, i will dedicate my yearbook quote.
here are my ideas :
1. fuck you assholes. - i don’t know if this would make it in the yearbook but maybe we can make it better. screw you or who are you? might pass.
2. what would satan do? - this is confusing enough to get past those xIAN yearbook people. “what would a DEVILEER do” might be sportier.
3. I AM THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS. YOU ARE MY WORTHLESS SERVANTS. - personally, i think this is HOTT and i’d love you-know-who (sandy + my PARENTS) to be my slaves. at cheerleading tryouts last year, this chant was not so popular (?!?) so maybe you could put a spell on it or i could make it italics.
let me know soon. “writing on the mirror” is cool since my MOTHER doesn’t go in my bathroom after she found my moustache bleach. hope everything is HORRIBLE there in HELL!
HATT YA! - demoness jen. :(:(:(
LUKE + ME IV : SPECIAL VD EDITION
dear luke,
well you know what TODAY is and i’m not depressed. really. you must really HATE v-day cause it’s all about love and stuff. so they say!! IT'S NOT CALLED VD FOR NOTHING! (i didn’t actually say that last thing. my ONLY devileer friend denise “druscilla” stanton said it. she has BLACK NAILS too which is HOTT but my mother would probably try and chop my fingers off). when we DEVILEERS have our holiday you certainly won’t wear something tacky like red. oh... wait.
MORE IMPORTANT, if i weren’t a demoness all i’d be doing is eating chocolate and breaking out and getting FAT. now that i’m a DEVILEER i just don’t care. i know you LOVE HATE me for who i am and not who i could be if i stood up straighter (like my MOTHER constantly says. duh)
instead i have chosen to stay in my new DEVILEER bedroom which i now call my SECRET PLACE (mainly because it makes YOU KNOW WHO twitch). I’M GOING, MOTHER, TO MY SECRET PLACE. my retard father thinks it’s a girl thing.
so tonight in my SECRET PLACE i’ve been practising spells and stuff even though i haven’t got my spell book yet. is there a SPELL MAGAZINE? that would be way kewl. i could write an advice column. HA HA. how to make your PARENTS DISAPPEAR!!! i wish.
i’ve also been trying to pick DEVILEER music but it’s not easy. mostly really old stuff like alyson morisette. also my MOTHER’s gross CDs. bryan adams makes me want to kill myself over and over. if you sent your playlist that would be v. v. kewl.
gotta go. druscilla is calling me at midnight and we’re going to listen to morrissey together.
HATTE YA! - d. jen :(:(:(
LUKE + ME : PT. V
dear luke,
hi! demoness jen, teen DEVILEER again. i wrote you a poem :
THE SADDEST BELL
i’m glad i am a DEVILEER
who fills my PARENTS up with fear
cause they can’t see my LONELY tear
that falls from here to here to here.
i know i’ve found the one in LUKE!
who does not make me want to puke
like some retard BARBIE suit
that covers up my feelings mute!
i’ll learn to cast alot of spells
and join my FRIENDS who’ll be in HELL
when one day rings that LONELY BELL
that tolls to peal the tale i tell.
so as i am a DEMONESS
and MOTHER says my room’s a mess!
(and though i want a bigger chest)
i darsn’t (sp?) ask, i will CONFESS
and though the RAIN will feel my PAIN,
the RAIN won’t ever fully explain
the DARKNESS full of OTHER’S blame!
a DEVILEER, my RIGHT to claim!
hope you
i also read it to my SO-CALLED deviller friend druscilla. a REAL FRIEND would tell me it's v.v. good. DUH. but DENISE (real name) tells me i am a drama queen! WTF? uh....NO! she has fat ankles and her MOTHER doesn't even care if she smokes! WITJ, luke? W?
HATTE YA! - d.jen
:(:(:(
LUKE + ME : PT. VI
dear luke,
lately i have been v. sad and not in a DEVILEER way but “i ate too many french fries” way. yeah, gross. maybe it’s from becoming a DEMONESS or maybe it’s because i’m having my you-know-what but i swear my PARENTS are driving me to you.
my MOTHER still insists on coming in my SECRET PLACE and going through my things. the only reason she never found our letters was i put them in a shoe box with oregano and she’d NEVER talk about drugs. the other day she STORMS in my secret place - while i’m lying on my bad and thinking about doing a spell (!!!) - and shouts ARE YOU ASKING SOMEONE TO THE PROM? luke! WTH?? (if there is a SPELL for shooting cd cases through the air, i am so on it. )
i tried to ignore her or maybe my RETARD father would call her away. no, duh. so she ASKS ME AGAIN! luke, the last thing i’m thinking about (other than spells or blood) is some STUPID PROM. no MOTHER. i am not participating in LAME xian parties!
as if she would even buy me that dress i saw at the french connection.
i tried smearing catsup on my SECRET PLACE door hoping she would think it was DEMON blood. of course i got SCREAMED at for the ants. yeah, i can’t sacrifice goats but she’s fine with MURDERING ANTS?!??!
SNF, luke. S. N. FAIR.
HATTE YA - d.jen! :(:(:(
LUKE + ME : PT. VII
KIDS AND TEENS FOR SATAN :
"Life can be real hard. When we come to Satan, he makes our lives better and happier."
dear luke -
hi! demoness jen here. i have been having great things happen since i became a devileer last month. i am definitely better. why?
1. my MOTHER has stopped asking me about you. i think she finally realizes i can wear what i want and devote my life to and worship who i want. it might also be her new no-carb diet but i think my SPELLS are working. still no goat’s blood but last time i used a piece of hamburger (which belonged to my retard FATHER and not me since i don’t eat meat) and it must’ve worked.
2. i am going to the prom even though i still think it’s lame. there must be a reason why you did not have chuck anderson ask me (as if! HA HA) but i’m going with jason murphy who is also a DEVILEER and wears black nail polish. he’s helping me make a real DEVILEER dress and has even drawn some designs of it. jason is good at that stuff because of his involvement with all the school plays. he’s also BEST DANCER of all of the guys in my school which is v. v. kewl.
3. i have decided to let my hair grow really really long and hopefully by next year it will reach past my butt. my MOTHER is always saying YOUR HAIR LOOKS SO CUTE SHORT like i’m some personal BARBIE doll. wth?!? i might even dye it black which would totally freak her out. YOUR HAIR LOOKS SO CUTE BLOND. it’s my hair MOTHER!! i will be much happier and better when i can style it how i want
Q : do devileers wear high heels? if you or one of your DEMONS could let me know that would be kewl.
HATTE YA! - d.jen :(:(:(
LUKE + ME : PT. VIII
dear luke,
hi! demoness jen here. sorry i haven’t written lately but i’ve been getting ready for my PROM. if you remember, i’m going with jason murphy who is also a DEVILEER and who is making my dress. we’ve been having fittings just like on america’s next top model (!!) even though i’m not skinny (as if).
the dress is black because that is a DEVILEER color and black is slimming. of course my MOTHER doesn’t know because she would freak. she keeps asking DO YOU WANT TO GO TO THE MALL FOR A DRESS? v. v. not kewl. no, MOTHER i don’t want some crappy satin PROM dress! whatevs.
jason says i will look like elvira though i don’t know who that is (???). is she one of your DEMONS of the night? if so, does she wear black lipstick? if you let me know that would be cool cause i’d have to buy some (without YOU KNOW WHO finding out). if not i will have to use a black magic marker.
my RETARD father said he would buy some flower thing to give to jason. v. v. creepy talking to HIM about my PROM! gross. he kept calling it a BOOTEN-EAR (??!?) which made me barf. i told him buy a dead rose and thorns. he made that blank RETARD face he makes and ran out. i probably won’t see him for a couple of months.
in other news, i’m calling forth a DEMON to kill sandy henderson. i’ll let you know details later but in the meantime i stole her hairbrush during gym. i figure her hair would help my SPELL. btw, what are newts?
HATTE YA! - d.jen :(:(:(
LUKE + ME : PT. IX
dear luke -
hi! DEMONESS JENNY here! i’m v. v. excited because i think my DEVILEER power is finally kicking in! i know the doctor said the same thing to my MOTHER about her zoloft, so i wasn’t too surprised. because i am a tru devileer, the demons are (BOUT TIME... HA HA) being summoned from my spells.
Examples :
A. i decided not to kill sandy henderson but instead inflict demon torture on her. i told you i stole her hairbrush from gym so i got some of her (SPLIT ENZ) hair. i also took a red bull she’d thrown away out of the trash. i was all set.
then OF COURSE the WORST THING happened. i’m in my secret place (which is called that because it’s MY room) and i’d just put sandy’s burnt hair in the red bull can when my MOTHER walks in! v.v.v. not kewl. IS THAT WHAT THEY CALL A BONG? luke, i almost barfed and wanted to fall through my floor into hell. no, MOTHER, i’m casting a spell. WELL DON’T BURN DOWN THE HOUSE.
despite this retard occurrence, i think the spell might have worked. yesterday i heard sandy throwing up in the girl’s bathroom and it wasn’t after lunch like she usually does.
B. my RETARD father came to the door to my SP the other day (why??!?). i pretended like i couldn’t see him because of my ipod and he taps me on the shoulder. uh, sweetie, are you goth? wth??!? i wanted to poke out my eardrums with twizzlers. i think it’s something he saw on dr. phil. no, DAD, i’m not goth, i’m a DEVILEER. oh, ok he said and finally left. i think i will put more ketchup around my door frame.
C. the dress jason ( my “prom date” and fellow DEVILEER) is making looks v. kewl. it’s kinda like what lisa minter wore when she played nancy in oliver last year (I WAS A PUB WENCH). only black, so much much kewler. btw, jason is letting me use his black lipstick.
spook ya later!
HATT YA! - d.jen :(:(:(
LUKE + ME : PT. X
dear luke -
well the “big day” is coming up. you know, the PROM. or as jason calls it, “THE WRONG”.
today, tho, i had a total DEMON experience at school. elijah and i were sitting at the picnic table behind the cafeteria (barf) where all the workers sit. we sit there alot because mainly the other tables are full of lame-o xians (like SANDY) who are going to the prom with other people. today i was watching her and trying to put a spell on a tic-tac. one that would make her barf onstage.
SUDDENLY, you know who (CHUCK ANDERSON) walks by and looks at me. luke, i think i sneezed which was so WEIRD cause then i didn’t sneeze the other two sneezes.
luke pls. pls. pls. i need to know if this is a demon spell or is it true (HA HA). i know he is going to the prom with HER but i still haven’t bought my shoes yet. (my MOTHER says all my shoes look like BOY SHOES. wth??!? no, MOTHER, i don’t think my shoes have penises!)
if it is a spell, thnx for thinking of me. maybe you could let me know how to do that spell myself???
HATTE YA! - d.jen :(:(:(
LUKE+ME : PT. XI
dear luke -
hi! demoness jenny here! this may be my last chance to write you before the PROM, so i thought i’d send you a devileer update.
i’ve been doing really good with my spells (even though the stinky candles my MOTHER buys from avon give me a headache.) the last one had these retarded leaves all over it so i took a bic pen and carved them into skulls. the worst part is my MOTHER thinks it’s some barfo “mother/daughter thing”. as if. DO YOU LIKE THIS SCENT? IT’S CALLED FALL APPLES. no, MOTHER, it’s the scent of rotting death and will you please get out of my secret place?!?!? wth, luke? W. T. HELL?
overall, i seem to be getting about a third of my spells. i totally aced the SANDY PETERSON xian hater spell. yesterday i saw her talking to you know who ( her prom date CHUCK) and she looked totally fat in her cheerleader outfit. chuck looked mad too but maybe he was going to totally barf from HER FATNESS. i was holding the tic-tac i’d put spell wax all over and almost ate it when chuck looked at me. i put my hand over my mouth to spit out the magic tic-tac (before i choked). i think he thought it was a secret symbol. i left and went to the bathroom to get the black wax off my teeth.
i went ahead and got my black prom shoes even though MOTHER won’t drop the “boy shoes” thing. first, MOTHER, hot trax doesn’t even have a “boy department “and a “girl department”. it’s just ONE department, ok? jason says i should glue rhinestones all over them. i thought he was joking (in a DEVILEER kind of way) but then he wasn’t. at least he’s excited about the prom and is sharing his black lipstick with me.
my retarded father apparently knows jason’s possibly retarded father from some place. a club or work, i don’t know. this is now a big talking point at dinner which makes it harder to stare at the dead meat. last night he said j’s dad was going to get a limo. luke, i seriously don’t need to hear my father talking about the prom. MOTHER was either smiling or in pain. i made little anarchy signs in the squash.
despite my parents, i am looking forward to going. jason is wearing a cape. the dress he made me is kewl esp. cause it hides my upper arms (which i need a spell for - hint hint). he took out the hoop because when i sat down i looked like a dead puppet. chuck is hardly going to want to dance with bride of chuckie said joshua. HA HA! OMG! that’s so totally demony! BRIDE OF CHUCK-Y!! AS IF! (HA HA!)
i’ll send you all the details after it’s over.
HATTE YA! - d.jen :(:(:(
LUKE+ME : PT. XII
“Many Goths wear eye glasses so it really should not be a problem. It is designs around the eyes and on the face that make the look not right. Do not draw curly designs / lines etc. around your eyes as that really does not work. Try to focus your attention on your lips and eyeshadow.”
- Gothic Make-up Questions and Answers
dear luke -
hey! demoness jenny here, your #1 fan and devileer. i went to the prom and all i have to say is i am glad i have committed my life to satan and am not like the pukeateer XIANS at my school. i wish there had been demons there.
i would show you pictures of me in my dress but my cellphone is glued shut. i was covering it with rhinestone skulls and my lame MOTHER walks into my SECRET PLACE and just picks it up while it was drying! v. v. v. not kewl!!?!? MOTHER, please leave my things alone! IT'S JUST SO CUTE SWEETHEART. YOU SHOULD SELL THEM AT THE MALL. of course the phone rings and she freaks and drops it into my trashcan where the superglue sticks to all the wax drippings.
jason came over to get me in the limo my retarded father spilled the beans about. my father kept saying to “act surprised” because he shouldn’t have said something. of course i’d already told jason anyways but i still had to act surprised. i screamed REALLY LOUD hoping my parents would fall onto the floor in a coma. MY LITTLE GIRL’S SO HAPPY. MOTHER, it is a scream of anger. GOD, I REMEMBER MY AND YOUR FATHER’S PROM. then, it what may be the worse moments of my entire life, she brings out the picture.
luke i think i bit my lip. and tasted blood. this is the grossest. picture. ever. MOTHER looks like she leads tours in old colonial homes. they have matching wigs! did my retard father grow two feet since the tuxedo fitting? we still have those candelabras!
the prom was what you’d expect. the theme was “america’s next top graduates” (joshua’s idea) and you had to walk down a runway to get in. we also had redbulls and played techno house.
here is darnell jeeter and his kiss ass xian girlfriend. she’s so bossy. jason was on the prom committee and said they should make a giant cut out of tyra banks. she was all like, yuck no. i bet she made darnell wear that hat cause she heard jason was going to wear a top hat. v. v. not kewl. she shows up wearing something that looks like she’s helping someone give birth.
here is kyra and her BF drew. she is a slut and he is a stoner.
here is chuck anderosn and miss puke sandy. her dress is like one big blue vagina. the retro hair on chuck was cool. i was going to tell him i love duran duran when i choked on my redbull and spit on the floor. luckily it all just balled up and dripped off his tux. i think sandy was trying to be retro with her hair too but joshua said she looked like a dyke comic. HA! i hate her and there had been a way to only vote for PROM KING, i would have!!
the red bulls made everyone pee alot and everyone got so jittery. if i didn’t “not smoke”, i would have wanted to smoke. i could have just waited the millions hours and inhaled the smoke in the girl’s room. sandy and her friends squezed into a stall all night.
jason and i had fun. we got so wired, we talked and talked about sandy’s blue vagina dress all the way home.
HATTE YA! - d.jen :(:(:(
LUKE+ME : SPECIAL P.S. EDITION
dear luke -
ps. i forgot to send this prom pic of kelly brundoff and her bf todd flinchman. she writes the XIAN column for the school website, THE GAZATORIAM. she’s all don’t litter on campus, please stand during the school pledge. whatevs. barf.
todd always smells like hand soap. they made their outfit out of duct tape!!
ew! i wouldn’t want something sticking to my skin all night! thought you’d get a har har like me. this is further proof as to why i’ve become a devileer.
HATT YA! - d.jen :(:(:(
LUKE+ME: PT. XIII
dear luke -
hi! demoness jen here with a devileer update! things are going well here in MY SECRET PLACE (my room) re: spells and stuff. i recently almost made the light switch move. ARE YOU STONED? no, MOTHER, i am thinking about the psychic realm! DON’T FORGET YOUR HOMEWORK.
now that the prom is over, i really don't understand the point of school. they should have just let everyone die in their most awkward retarded moment ever. i heard everyone clap to little miss xian’s acceptance speech. “’CHEIVING YOUR GOALS! WOO!” i can not face them in the halls without wanting to vomit.
now the yearbook (the FEARBOOK jason calls it) will be coming out. they wouldn’t let me use ANYTHING devileer. mrs. gorsky even called me in her office! wth?! ANY REFERENCE TO SATANISM IS A CRIME, JENNIFER. it isn’t “satanism”, it’s my freedom of speech. SOME PEOPLE can vomit after lunch every day but i can’t express my religion??! so v. v. not kewl.
they finally let me put in : I AM NOT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE. duh but whatevs. jason and i are going to write devil faces in all the ones we sign. i especially want to sign CHUCK’s YB and put horns on HER picture.
recently my MOTHER has been buying these stinko fruity AVON candles which i have to use for my spells. DON’T YOU LOVE IT? IT’S CALLED I STRAW-U-BERRY MUCH! no, MOTHER, it smells like urinal cakes. i had the idea of adding something stinky so i tried my retard father’s cologne (which i think may be called aqua puke). i burned off one eyebrow. jason tells me now i always look surprised.
at least summers coming and i can be hot like you are in hell!
HATTE YA - d. jen :(:(:(
LUKE+ME : PT. XIV
dear luke,
hi! demoness jenny here with the latest from your #1 devileer (i hope).
i am writing this freely from my secret place as my MOTHER has stopped bothering me (for now). i told her i was becoming a scientologist (with TOM CRUISE - HAHA. as if). she seems to think this is better than being a DEVILEER! like i would ever choose that religion??? uh, hello! science?
THAT GIRL WAS SO CUTE ON DAWSON’S CREEK. well now MOTHER she’s one of us! (she is CLUELESS about life and i have to endure the pain! so. not. fair.) SCIENTOLOGY? IS THAT LIKE DENTAL SCHOOL? no, MOTHER, it’s something else. i don’t really know what scientology is so i had to leave the room.
later at dinner (while i’m stabbing peas in the head with my fork) my retard father asks me if i want to be a dental technician!?!? wth, luke? first, do i have to talk about teeth with my father? no father, i am going to be a witch. DO YOU HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL FOR THAT TOO? my mother asks. i finished my peas and left the table. to keep this up i may have to learn something about scientology. i heard it involves martians and i hated star wars : attack of the clones.
shift/change : cool idea! we should totally recruit some famous people to be DEVILEERS! there are so many movies coming out, someone should be interested. (i heart owen wilson and would volunteer to teach him spells).
LET ME KNOW!!
HATTE YA!!! d-jen :(:(:(
LUKE+ME : PT. XV
dear luke -
hi! A-1 Devileer DEMONESS jen here! that is how i’ve begun to answer my PARENT’S phone. last week that woman who gave birth to my MOTHER called and hung up three times. finally MOTHER came in my secret place and screams STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE LIKE THAT! YOUR GRANDMA THINKS THE MORMONS ARE TRYING TO GET HER. i’m just stating the truth, MOTHER. JUST LET THE MACHINE PICK IT UP. as if. our answering message is some retard poem my MOTHER wrote where she rhymes tone and phone. whatevs. as a REAL poetess, i would rather scratch out my eyes with a bic first.
today jason and i went to the beach. a)because it’s summer (duh) and we’re bored and b) jason says it will help us get used to the FIRES of hell. i am v. v. prone to sunburn so i wore long gloves and a big hat. also 10 zillion SPF sunscreen. do you allow sunscreen in hell? just asking tho i may be conditioned to the heat by then. jason wore his cape.
also at the beach, QUEEN BITCH you know who (sandy peterson) in a bikini. i hope she gets melanoma of the brain (not that anyone would notice HAHA). jason said we should offer to put lotion on her back and leave marks making big anarchy and DEVILEER logos. as if i would touch her. of course if i were chuck she would let me do that (+ MORE).
also i forgot to put sunscreen on the backs of my knees and have to walk like a zombie. when i came home my retard father was watching TV and i had to walk by him in shorts. is it that time of the month honey? WTH, LUKE!?! like i wanted to be talking to my father about that?? no FATHER i am one of the walking dead. later at dinner my MOTHER asks DO YOU NEED TO GO TO TARGET FOR SUPPLIES? (she calls them supplies like i’m in the army) i just left the table and went to my secret place.
what’s worse is i am having my period. ugh.
HATTE YA!! d-jen :(:(:(
Last update: 8/5/05; 2:08:23 PM .
