Continuing on the theme of things breaking when Andrés isn’t here to fix them, today the TiVo remote stopped working. Or, more precisely, some features on the remote stopped working; channel up and down, direction arrows, the select button. Weird. I messed with the remote for a while, changed the batteries, and then got the bright idea of looking in the TiVo manual.
Apologies to any technical writers out there, but it is a universal truth that the information you need is NEVER in the manual.
But I saw that there was a phone number for technical support and I thought, what the hey, I’ll call and see what they say. I got to talk to Wesley, who sounded as though I had interrupted his Very Important Naptime. Wesley told me to “take the batteries out of the remote, press all the buttons two times, unplug the unit for 30 seconds, then plug it back in.” Long pause. I was waiting for him to say, “and make an offering of charred goat and frankincense while chanting praises to the High Gods of TiVo,” because my highly developed powers of divination told me that little ritual he’d recommended wouldn’t work. So I asked him, “What should I do if that doesn’t work?” He said, “Buy a new remote” and pretty much hung up on me.
Whatever. I tried his little techno-voodoo ritual and big surprise! It didn’t work. I decided I might as well call tech support again because you never know, you might get someone who actually knows something.
And this time, I did.
I talked with Mike. Mike asked me, “Did Wesley tell you to hang up and try this, or did he walk you through it?” I told him he didn’t actually tell me to hang up, but it was pretty clear he wanted me to hang up, because he had some Very Important Napping to do. Mike said, “Hold please.” I was on hold for a couple of minutes, during which time I imagine Mike thumbing through his various reference manuals to come up with another solution.
Turns out Mike asked me to hold so he could get his supervisor. He had bet his supervisor he could solve my problem in less than one minute.
Mike: Do you see a little switch on the side of the remote?
Me: Ummm, no. I mean, yes. The one that says TV on one side, and SAT on the other?
Mike: That’s it. What’s it set to?
Me: Kind of in the middle.
Mike: (long pause)
Me: I turned it to SAT and it works now.
At this point I imagine Mike smiling and nodding smugly, and his supervisor silently forking over a twenty. Did you notice how clever Mike is? He didn’t even TELL me how to fix the problem, he just pointed it out and let me use my own logic. I bet Mike is, or will be, a great dad.
So I thanked Mike profusely and he said, “Stay on the line just a minute, I’m finishing the note on your file. ‘Wesley said to….Wesley did not stay on phone…’”
Me: Whoa, wait a minute, am I getting Wesley in trouble? Because I don’t want that on my conscience.
Mike: Well, he’s been doing a lot of (dramatic pause) bad things lately. And you might have ended up buying a new remote.
Me: Well, he did suggest that.
Mike: Hang on. (sound of typing) ‘Wesley suggested customer buy a new remote.’
In conclusion, if you have to call Tivo tech support, ask for Mike, because Mike ROCKS!
I do feel a little bit bad for Wesley. But not too much.
7:56:21 AM 
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