It's 12:05 am
Today was one of those days where you don't think your way through, you feel your way through, or at least you try really hard to learn how to.
A logical mind in a very tender heart with a hard shell to boot is a very confusing way to live, trust me. There are times I feel so much, or times I don't feel at all. Last few days, I am discovering I am far too analytical for my own good. The depression has me acting strange, and I am not really sure who it is that I am becoming.
It's hard to let your guard down, when there are demons everywhere. It is hard to after 26 years of life to change the paranoia. The feeling is always there, "I feel it, something bad is going to happen..." but that bad thing, it's not coming. Each corner I hold on and grip myself, and it's just another empty peaceful street. The fear, it's not a premonition, it's a learned response. But by tearing down everything positive in my life to sort out every good thing under a microscope is killing me bit by bit.
My dreams, they make perfect sense to me now. I'm not 25 anymore damn it. And perhaps, I was possessed, and maybe, just maybe, I am the Devil, because the bible is a fiction, anyhow.
12:16:39 AM 
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