The Tower
What the heck should I do with myself? What are my goals? I'll be damned if I didn't have a single fucking clue. Growing up I felt soft tender things were for sissy girls and my brain had puzzles to solve, no time for emotions. As a kid, I had acting happy or funny or whatever down to a science. I could even fake like I was really mad, could make my face red and everything. Or sometimes, I would get upset about things, then... *poof*... I just didn't care anymore, in the middle of yelling about something... the feeling would vanish and I would be left there feeling like a cold rock, void of all emotion. Life got to the point where it was pretty much always *poof* and I didn't feel a whole lot about much of anything.
The way I usually felt was totally different than the mask I wore. Mostly I was thinking about everything and all the possibile outcomes. God I love to think. It is all I do, think, research, and memorize facts. I want to learn everything and share it with everybody. And so of course, because of this, I just didn't have time to go feeling my way through life.
Then life began to change in a way that I could relax a bit, next thing you know, I let myself feel things instead of blocking all of that out. I can still do it, flick that off switch, but lately it’s getting very hard to do. And now...
When a person starts to feel their way around, it changes things, like goals, dreams, etc. Then, your life itself changes, everything you have ever come to know is totally different. The people around you, the job you have, the climate, the type of home you live in, I could go on and on… A person in this circumstance would undergo a tremendous change. Your entire thought process goes through a cycle of death and rebirth… and more things change and it all just snowballs.
The next thing you know you look in the mirror on day and look back and realize YOU are history. YOU no longer exist. Everything you have ever come to know is now gone. *poof*
* Poof *
The Tower Card
6:27:40 PM 
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