Sunday, December 15, 2002

I'm making a reasonably half-hearted attempt to learn French. There's not much English spoken in Tunisia, and it's more or less an even split between French and Arabic, depending upon where you are in the country. Most signs, except in very rural parts of Tunisia, are in both French and Arabic. I had every intention of learning Arabic, and may still do that someday, but it was just so damned intimidating, and I started French early and got sort of into it. Why is Arabic intimidating? Leaving pronunciation, writing and grammar aside, it's the vocabulary. The vocabulary is just immense. The language is so old and so precise that there are words for "the feces of a bird" (forget just adding an adjective--it's a whole new word) and "to fight every other day." That last one kills me. French is pretty fun for me, and not incredibly challenging, which isn't to say that it's easy. It's just not Arabic. I've made some progress, can have very rudimentary conversations, largely punctuated by me repeating "Je ne sais pas" and "Je ne comprends pas", and "Ça va", which translates literally to "It goes" and is the universal response to everything. How's your life? Ça va. Did you have a good weekend? Ça va. Does your chicken taste good? Ça va. I understand you've had a sex change. How did that go? Ça va. For some reason, though, I can't get into French like I could get into Spanish. Not that I speak Spanish at all, really, and whatever minimal Spanish I had has been destroyed by this foray into French. But while I'm enjoying French, it just doesn't appeal to me on a primal level as much as Spanish. Is this because I prefer Spanish-speakers to the French? Perhaps it is my Francophobia. Or perhaps it's because Spanish just seems funnier to me. "Senor, donde esta el Chupacabra?" "El Chupacabra esta en el baño." "El perro y el gato estan gordo." "Donde esta Senor Juan?" Etcetera. I don't know. Anyway, how about THE LIST I'm into lists, in a major way.  I just really enjoy seeing things ranked--Best of this, Worst Ten that, Strangest Thing, Most Unusual Whatsit.  I have a ton of books of lists, including the Books of Lists 1-3 and even The 90s Edition.  I also own The 100 Most Influential People in History, the Greatest 1000 Albums Ever, The Top 500 Poems, etc.  You get the picture.  So I'll be using this space to include some of my favorite personal lists.  Today: The Ten Places Where I'd Least Like To Live 1. Iraq--this is self-explanatory. 2. Chechnya--the Russians are out to kill you, the citizenry is poor, radicalized, and violent, you have a history of being mauled by the damned communists, and Islamic fanatics are running around. 3. Detroit--Have you been to Detroit? Man. 4. Colombia--Not Columbia, Missouri, which is not a bad town, but Colombia in South America. Who should I side with? The murderous government that deals drugs and kills the populace, the murderous left-wing rebels that deal drugs and kills the populace, or the murderous right-wing rebels that deal drugs and kill the populace? 5. Algeria--repressive government, fundamentalist rebels out to kill, violent as anything. 6. West Africa--I know there are some places better than others. Count me out. 7. Sixaola, Costa Rica--sometime I'll write about my experience in this town on the border of Costa Rica and Panama. Trust me. 8. Pakistan--see Algeria, add nuclear war risk 9. Mississippi--this state elected Trent Lott. Six times. 10. Antarctica--How much would it suck to have to live in Antarctica?  Not as much as Detroit, but still.   3:19:04 PM    Let's hear it. []