God, I love my daughters. Sometimes so much that it hurts.
When my wife and I found out that she was pregnant with our first child, we went immediately to the bookstore and purchased several different reading materials for the pregnancy and the aftermath of that. I think most of the parents that I know purchased and read quite a bit about how to be a parent.
Many of the books have good advice, and we still refer to them, particularly for medical concerns.
Why? Because these books universally play up the miraculous loving ecstatic joy that you'll feel about parenting and downplay--no, check that--ignore the fact that parenting is really fucking hard.
If I could, I'd write a preface to every parenting book that would read something like this:
"There is a lot of good advice here about how to be a good parent, and you should definitely read ahead. Pay particular attention to the markers for childhood development and the medical stuff.
Your children are going to be the light of your life. They will make you smile like never before, and feel things you've never felt, and often your love will be literally overpowering.
But it is extremely helpful if you understand some things as you get into this.
More often than we'd like to admit, things are going to be really terrible.
More often than we'd like to admit, you're going to get really, really angry.
More often than we'd like to admit, you're going to dislike your kids.
And, far, far more often than we'd like to admit, you're going to ask yourself the question, 'Was becoming a parent a huge mistake?'
You must be prepared for the fact that you're going to lose a lot of yourself in parenting. And sometimes you're going to have to give up any notion of control of these kids. And you're going to be damned tired. And while most days will be positive and lovely and awesome, some days are going to be absolutely bloody awful.
There's going to be crying, and screaming, and fighting sleep. And there's going to be a lot of repitition and cleaning up and a lot of boring stuff, too. And sometimes your kids will hit you because they want to test limits, and it is your job to resist the temptation to hit back.
And at those times you're going to ask yourself the question, 'Was becoming a parent a huge mistake?'
The book that you're about to read is going to talk about how your kids will cry and be difficult at times, and that with patience and love everything will be fine. This is largely true. Patience and love are the most important things, by far.
But something else is important, too: resignation.
You must be resigned to your fate. Your fate as a victim of your child's developing will. Your fate as a person identified first and foremost as a parent, and no longer as yourself. Your fate as a grownup. Your fate as a parent.
Most of the time, you will love your kids so much that attempting description is pointless.
But sometimes, you won't."
God, I love my daughters. They make me incredibly proud and happy, and I'm eager to see them develop and change and grow, and it's almost always fun.
Almost always.
Let's hear it. []
