Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Looking for Hyperbole Help? I look at my referrer's list every day, to see how people find their way to this site. I can't help but notice that at least 30 people every day come here because Google (or Netscape or Yahoo or some other search engine) has led the way after they searched for "Hyperbole." Some people look for a lot more details, trying such phrases as "famous hyperbole" or the very common "What is a hyperbole?" I have been neglectful so far in my attempt to help these people out, but no more. Friends, look no further for the answers to your questions. Oh, I know that you may be looking for nothing more exciting than a simple definition of the word. You can find that at the top of this page, or in any dictionary, for that matter. Perhaps you're working on a term paper or a book report. But I have more faith in you than that. I believe that what you're looking for is guidance. Guidance in your writing or speaking. You want to be more interesting, more exciting, more controversial. And you know that you can't be exciting or controversial by saying things like "This is a fine sandwich" or "Kevin Garnett is a good basketball player" or "I like Wang Chung's music." If you're interested in that sort of mealy-mouthed talk, then I can't help you. I think what you want is to use--ahem--hyperbole in order to spice things up. For instance: "This sandwich is ass-kickingly fantastic." "KG is a god among men. I worship him." "Wang Chung is absolutely awesome. Perhaps the greatest band of the last 25 years." Here are a couple of rules of thumb to utilizing hyperbole more effectively. 1. There is No Such Thing as too many adverbs. In case you need a reminder, adverbs modify other words, usually adjectives, verbs, or other adverbs. Most adverbs end with -ly. Examples of good adverbs to use: Incredibly, Stunningly, Staggeringly, Fantastically, Pathetically, Utterly, Astonishingly, Galactically, Monstrously, Annoyingly, Tragically, Chillingly, Frantically, Bizarrely, Freakishly. My most frequently used adverbs from that list are probably "utterly," "stunningly", and "incredibly", though I have a soft spot for "freakishly". Let's try some more sample sentences. Bad: Zion National Park is nice. Good: Zion National Park is staggeringly beautiful. Bad: Limp Bizkit sucks. Good: Limp Bizkit are a bunch of galactically stupid jackasses whose music is chillingly pathetic. Bad: The Fellowship of The Ring was a good film. Good: The Fellowship of the Ring was an utterly, astonishingly, incredibly awesome experience. 2. Don't spare the superlatives. Anyone can say that something is good, or bad, or subaverage, or nice, or exciting, or even great. But you have to move beyond these if you expect to stand out in parlor conversation. Try this multiple-choice quiz. Pick the better answer: Question One--How'd the Pack do? A: "The Packers looked good last week." B: "Last week, the Packers would have slaughtered a team of angels with Jesus Christ himself as QB." Question Two--How's the weather? A: "The weather is nice today." B: "This is the best day ever." Question Three--Can I serve you some beets? A: "I don't care for beets." B: "Beets are execrable. Just sickeningly gross. I'd rather eat roadkill." Question Four--What do you think of Kimberly Caldwell on American Idol? A: "She's pretty." B: "Good God! She's the hottest thing I've ever seen!" Question Five--Did you like 'Titanic'? A: "Titanic was a good movie." B: "I'd rather have my eyeballs punctured with a red-hot icepick than watch that piece of trash again." If you answered "B" to all of these questions, you're ready. Once you've mastered the use of hyperbole, you will be well on your way to being the greatest writer ever, or at least a European master of party conversation. People will say of you, "Did you talk to him? What a fantastically interesting guy!" Members of the opposite sex will always want to date you.  You will be the king of all you survey.  Hopefully, now, you will have found what you are looking for. 1:47:58 PM    Let's hear it. []