Friday, May 09, 2003

More Hyperbole Help... A few weeks ago I wrote about the proper use of Hyperbole, offering a quiz and some examples. In furthering my didactic objectives, I've decided to begin collecting fine examples of hyperbole. There are, of course, unlimited sources for this sort of venture. I'm starting small, utilizing mostly some books that I have that rank movies, music, food, beer, and liquor. The individual reviews of these things offer some excellent hyperbole worth looking at. Let's try some examples. *From The Beer Lover's Rating Guide by Bob Klein, about Green Rooster Lager out of Denmark, which received a 0.0 on a scale from 0.0 to 5.0: "Soapy, sticky, unpleasant, green; reminiscent of dishwashing liquid, only not as tasty; color was chosen as an alcoholic bow to spring; perhaps the worst beer I ever have encountered; I couldn't finish." My take: This is excellent, excellent hyperbole--the dishwashing liquid line is priceless, and the use of the superlative is exceptional. Well done. *From The Beer Essentials by F. Paul Pacult, about Busch Lager: "...in the mouth, the uncontrollable effervescence almost comes up into my nose--somebody, hose this baby down--the taste takes blandness to new heights; no finish to speak of; it's this sort of loser that makes me grouchy; the A-B (Anheuser Busch) ad says, 'Head for the mountains'--after tasting this swill, I suggest they change that to 'Head for the store to buy something else.'" My take: Good work, but it's the overall feel of this entry, and the whole of Pacult's book that puts it over the top--this is a pretentious guy tasting and writing about Busch beer. The blandness line is the best. *From Kindred Spirits by F. Paul Pacult, about Castaneda Gold Tequila: "I wanted to vomit soon after inhaling this aromatic disaster--the headlining scent reeks of sweat on the putrid surface...so vile that I didn't want to proceed....the aftertaste makes this oddball seem almost manufactured and totally unnatural; treat this one like a rat that's carrying the bubonic plague." My take: More excellent work from Pacult. The lesson here is that simile has its place in hyperbole, thus the rat/bubonic plague line. *From Rolling Stone Album Guide, reviewing Kenny Rogers' body of work: "Is there any artist who matches Kenny Rogers for sustained, predictable mediocrity?....as a singer, his emotional and technical range is so limited that his songs blur into one another, to the point where little more than "The Gambler" stands apart from the crowd, owing to its menacing authority...." My take: Enough to convince me to avoid Kenny Rogers. Nice work, Rolling Stone. *From The Worst Movies Of All Time by Michael Sauter, reviewing "Armageddon": "Fittlingly arriving at the end of the millenium, this cataclysmic burp of sound and fury epitomizes everything that is wrong with the filmmaking of super-schlockmeister Jerry Bruckheimer....It has the heart of a beer commercial, the soul of a video game, and the careening pace of a coming-attractions trailer..." My take: The crowning glory of this all-hyperbole review is the Shakespearian "sound and fury" reference, followed not with "signifying nothing", but rather the description of Bruckheimer's hideous filmmaking. Great stuff. *From Cook's Illustrated issue 56, May/June 2002. Reviewing supermarket cinnamon buns in the midst of their extraordinary homemade cinnamon bun recipe, they have this to say about Pepperidge Farm Cinnamon Buns: "Tastes like melted plastic...this bun is infinitely horrible." My take: Some of the finest hyperbole I've seen. Anytime one chooses to invoke Infinity in order to make a comparison or an evaluation, the tendency is to look to the heavens and imagine galactic catastrophe. But the fact that "infinitely horrible" could apply equally to Saddam Hussein as it could to these Pepperidge Farm breakfast snacks is a mark of genius. Bravo. Got hyperbole you'd like to share? Send me the 411. 2:40:00 PM    Let's hear it. []