Thursday, May 15, 2003

One of the most important elements of any lasting friendship is shared experience. It's possible to have the beginnings of a friendship with someone based on common beliefs, common enjoyment of something, or abstract feelings of connection. But there has to be some shared experience if that friendship is going to go anywhere. There are plenty of people with whom I've shared a common place of employment, a common living situation, etc. Only a very small percentage are lasting friends. Shared experience isn't enough, of course; everyone has shared something with people that suck. And even if they don't suck, there are plenty of people that I liked with whom I've shared a common place of employment, a common living situation, etc. Only a very small percentage are lasting friends. Something else has to be there. Even so, without some of these common experiences, things won't last. As I've gotten older, I've come to not only appreciate the value and importance of these experiences, but actually to crave them. Once friendships are established, sharing new things, ideas, thoughts, or events ends up being a critical element of the continued friendship. For example, I'm very anxious to have friends come and visit us overseas; for one reason or another it didn't work out in Tunis, but I know we'll have some visitors in Dubai. And I can't wait, because that's an opportunity to share our life here. There are a couple of reasons I'm thinking about this right now. First of all, we're barely four weeks from leaving Tunisia, and I've formed some friendships that I hope will last. A strong element of that is the shared experience of living here--the hassles as well as the positive parts. There are some people here I really, really like, and I'm aware of leaving them. I hope that the time here will carry those friendships forward. Interestingly, though, I've made the conscious choice at least once to not pursue a potential friendship because we're leaving so soon. I met a guy that I connected with, that I like quite a bit at first blush. But he just got here, and we're just leaving, and there's just too much to do in the next few weeks to try and create some history with the guy. C'est la vie. The other big thing I'm thinking about is Doug. My friends Doug and Jane are expecting their second child in just a few weeks, and I can't wait. Doug is one of the most central people in my life, and we've shared a lot of experiences over the last 14 years. He and Jane had their first son, Linus, almost four years ago. It was cool, but sort of weird, because Melissa and I had no kids yet and so I couldn't really understand. Then Mercedes was born in 2001, and suddenly we had one of the biggest shared experiences of all--parenthood. While parenthood doesn't necessarily change relationships with childless friends, it can do so, and it absolutely changes relationships with other friends that are parents. It's such a fundamental shift in identity that the experience of talking about it, comparing notes, getting children together turns into a monumental part of your relationship. Doug and I still (and always will) relate on a whole lot of different levels, some of which are stunningly juvenile. But once we each became parents we had a connection that it's hard to understand unless you've gone through it yourself. Then we had Reeve earlier this year, and now I'm dying to share the experience of having two kids. Because it's different. The initial parenthood experience is one thing, but there's a whole different dynamic that develops with two--how they relate to each other, how you cope with twice the work, how you enjoy the extra fun, the stress of money and time and freedom and all of it. It's not quite the same wholesale shift as zero to one, but there is a change from one to two. None of my closest friends have had the experience yet. But soon. It's going to be great. A new step.     3:19:01 PM    Let's hear it. []

I just finished changing the mother of all blowouts.  BLOWOUT: (n) A bowel movement, usually associated with infants, which is sufficiently large or powerful that a diaper cannot contain it.  see also Stains; Poop Mas Grande Anyhow, Reeve was on the floor asleep, and then suddenly there was a terrific noise and a period of silence, followed by some crying.  Now a perfectly nice onesie has been ruined forever.  The thing was so big that I actually had to give her a bath in order to clean it up.  And Reeve is presently in the "wave my arms around like crazy" phase, which resulted in the distribution of her poop all over the place, notably her hands and face.  She found this to be utterly hilarious.  I will simply thank my lucky stars that she isn't eating any actual food or non-mother's milk yet, because that is the transition point from tolerable to intolerable on the poop front. I shit you not. 3:17:08 PM    Let's hear it. []