You know how when you were a kid, and you got to stay up late to watch Johnny Carson (Maybe you were too young for Carson. Work with me.), and you were really excited about it (Again, work with me)? And then you found out that Carson wasn’t even hosting, that instead you were stuck with Richard Belzer or Robert Klein or some other schmuck, and you were totally bummed?

I’m Doug, and I’m your guest host tonight.

God, that was a roundabout way of saying that this isn‘t Jim. Let’s move on.

Jim and I are in the midst of putting on a parenting clinic here in DC. Our entire strategy today was to physically exhaust our children. We ran them hard. We ran them up ramps. We ran them up stairs. We deprived them of food and drink. We told them stories of our old debate glory days. Anything we could think of to induce slumber at night at a reasonable hour.

It worked for Mercedes, though in fairness to her we did also deprive her of a nap. For Linus, however, excessive measures were needed.

He’s been vocal about Batman lately. I don’t know how or what he knows about Batman, but Batman scores high on Linus’ Q ratings. So I figured, why not rent Batman tonight and let him watch it?

Folks, do any of you remember how truly awful that movie is? It’s ending right now; Linus keeps looking over at me with disgust. He’s not any more tired, and now he’s just pissed off that I made him watch this entirely crappy movie. I actually saw him roll his eyes at Jack Nicholson as the Joker. Kids these days.

Meanwhile, Jim and I sit and play Magic: The Gathering. I’ll leave it to Jim to tell you how much he dropped on Magic cards today, but let’s just say it would double Joe Lieberman’s campaign fund so far. Totally decadent.

Today he took us to Great Falls National Park, which is a part of the border between Maryland and Virginia on the Potomac. It’s pretty spectacular as rivers and falls go. It held Linus’ and Mercedes’ attention for perhaps two minutes. They were more interested in running and shaking trees. At one point after much running, I seriously began to question whether the “Make Them Tired” strategy was having more of an impact on the adults or the kids.

(Let me say it again: Batman sucks. I can’t believe anyone ever thought that movie was even passably decent. They made two more of these?)

The visit so far has been great. The kids get along, the adults reminisce, and the beer tastes fine. Tomorrow, we hit the zoo, and Linus and I are all amped to see some Pandas. Jim informed me that they sleep 23 hours a day, so we might have to stay at the zoo for awhile.

Enough of me. Here’s Jim…

First of all, I’m not going to tell you how much I dropped on Magic cards--it was clearly worth it, in any case, as we can literally spend the entire weekend doing nothing but playing Magic. I suppose we’ll have to feed the kids. And I guess I’ll need to change Mercedes’ diapers.

There was a time when, for Doug and I as well as our friends Brad and Ian and others, Magic was it. I mean it was IT. Free time? Nope, playing Magic. Social plans for the weekend? Play Magic. Extra money? Magic. No money? Gaming stores accept credit. What did you dream about last night? Magic. What is that magazine you’re reading? Oh, it’s about Magic. This lasted for about 18 months, give or take.

Keep in mind, please, that this was when we were all past the age of 25.

Magic was so addictive that I once had this conversation with my then-fiance-now-wife:

Melissa: I am really, really growing to hate this fucking game.

Me: Sorry.

Melissa: It’s all you do.

Me: Yeah, I know.

Melissa: You’d better teach me.

So I did, and Doug taught Jane, and we all got together and played. Melissa got so into the game that she proposed a monthly budget for Magic cards, and we gave each other Magic cards for Christmas. Still, she wasn’t as into it as I was, mostly because she’s not as competitive, I suppose. Or as geeky.

Then we all sort of burned out--in no small part, I imagine, because we were starting to regularly attend tournaments, where we had to get fired up to beat twelve-year olds at a game where we pretended like we were all powerful wizards. At some point, this seemed peculiar, I suppose.

However, we all retain our moderately large collections of cards, and although the addiction has worn off, the fun of the game--and it is, objectively speaking, an absolutely extraordinary game--persists. I taught some friends in Tunisia, and they were hog-wild for it. It’s just great, and will always remain great. One of the top five games of all time, which is a topic for later.

And, to bring things full circle, we’re having this great weekend with Doug and me and our oldest children, and it’s not too far off when Mercedes and I will utilize our Team Millstone decks to give Linus and Doug an old-fashioned beat down. That’s what parenting and friendship are all about.

Here comes Doug to hopefully talk about something else……

Twelve year-olds, my-ass. I lost to a six year-old at one of those tournaments. And he was talking shit to me the whole time.