Tuesday, January 7, 2003

What if someone coached me over the phone? I'll pay for the call! But we could spend an hour together, you could show me and then everyone could see the cartoons. Who wants to volunteer? Email me. 9:32:30 PM    comment []

All messed up My friends, I just want to say that if I could figure out how the hell to put up links to your blogs here at FIONA, I would. But the people who make Radiouserland don't give out such elementary directions to feckless non web-savvy Mac users like me. No, those secrets are reserved only for the blogging gods, the people who know some html. Remarkable that there are still people left who don't know html, isn't it? I'm a natural luddite, but since this blogging thing is so easy, I had to try it. Now I feel its limitations. But links to all of you aren't all that's missing. No, if I could figure out how to post images, you could all see my cartoons. The world is really missing out. I spent the better part of an hour this afternoon ransacking the Radiouserland site for any clue of how to do these things, and came up all empty and a failure, again. Makes me want to cry. I need a mentor. Would someone be kind enough to teach me how to at least post links and pictures? Is there any easy way to do these things, or is that why Radiouserland doesn't have explicit directions about them? Does it take months and years to learn? Why is it so mysterious and difficult? We Mac users are especially punished by RUL. We don't even get a WYSIWYG text editor. 9:28:41 PM    comment []

What Are You Willing To Die For? Fiona waxes silly and then somber. The powwow music kind of took all the fun out of my sails. The people of those cultures were willing to die for honor. That was an everyday reality for them. Things aren't like that any more. None of us think of things we are willing to die for. But they think about stuff like that in Israel and Palestine every day. And elsewhere. People are thinking about dying for freedom in Iraq right now. Some presuming, sadly, that the U.S. is coming to create a democracy. What if some of them decide to throw themselves all the way into it? Then the cynicism of our government will have done the worst and most ironic damage ever, won't it? Recently I heard one of Dr. MLK's sermons from long ago on the radio. In it, he talked about being willing to die for justice. He said, if you aren't willing to die to prevent unjust laws, then you aren't really fit to live. He said, you're pretty much dead already if you just accept injustice. Anyway, it just made me realize how complacent we have become. Contrasting that with what Trent Lott said recently is pretty dramatic, too. Look where we've come... Clarence Thomas and all. Who in the hell thinks about dying for any cause any more? It seems like such a quaint notion, in the face of the unfolding police state. Will we simply be like so many ants squashed, if we decide to start dying for freedom? Who's ready to die for what? Have you asked yourself where you draw the line? 2:29:04 PM    comment []

Manifest Destiny Sitting here got lucky enough to tune right in to some powwow music on the local public station -- I turned it up real loud to feel the tremendous strong energy in the drums and the voices. Then got tears in my eyes remembering what was done to the people. I have been reading Howard Zinn's People's History of the United States of America. Makes you ashamed to have white blood. But here we sit, 200 years later, ready for the slaughter. All fattened up and ready for the judgment day. Seems like it's time for the wheel to come back around and crush the pig Americans. We'll die in front of our TV sets and in our big gas guzzling machines. Not until you pry my cold dead fingers from the wheel of my SUV (the remote control)! 2:16:22 PM    comment []

I want more traffic to my blog. I was thinking maybe just a simple name change. FIONA'S VAGINA I don't really want to change the content, though. So I probably won't fool anybody who's really into smut for very long. Probably won't convert any smut-lovers to fans of neurotic middle aged women who have sarcastic fantasies about running for president. Nope. Aw, what the hell, then. Might as well just keep FIONA. 1:51:41 PM    comment []

Got religion? WWJRD That's: What Would Jesus REALLY Do? 1:49:28 PM    comment []

FIONA FOR PRESIDENT COULD BE AN ELABORATE HOAX It's that same reporter from the Raelian cloning scandal. Now he's skittish about everything. How come I can't get any coverage on CNN? 1:38:28 PM    comment []

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I am not sure if I believe in God and I vote * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * We need help with this. Please send in your campaign slogans now for our 2004 run. Or even better, your contributions. So far, president Bush has about 6 billion dollars. We have seventeen. FIONA FOR PRESIDENT 1:31:35 PM    comment []

The Outhouse of America In case you haven't been following along, Fiona has discovered that Alien Visitors have come to Earth, and they are currently engaged in an Intervention that will not only destroy our democracy, but all freedom as we know it on the planet. The Visitors have taken control of our government by offering sweet deal shares on the natural resources they are plundering to our public servants, and taken control of human resources by co-opting the limited, hopeful, do-gooder brains of our citizens through fundamentalist religion (just as we thought -- this one was no surprise). The obvious solution to the problem is for Fiona to run for president in 2004. That said, Dick Cheney really scares me. But not quite as much as his wife, Lynne. He spends almost all his time now in that "undisclosed location". George and Laura just seem like pod people to me. But Dick and Lynne seem like they could be... "IN CONTROL," if you know what I mean. But not to worry too much. The Visitors can be overcome because their weakness is that they cannot deal with complexity. I have been thinking about this and I'm pretty sure that they will be sort of like one of my ex-boyfriends to communicate with. It could actually be really difficult. The trick is going to be to sound-byte them right back. We are going to have to give up on reason, I'll explain more below. Example conversation Him: I like George Bush. If Saddam is a problem we'll just go take im out Moi: Well... It's a little more COMPLEX than that -- Him: (cringe) Moi: -- the rest of the world's against this, and we have to do the U.N. inspections first, and if no WMD are found, then we can't attack. And besides, we helped him get that nerve gas he killed his people with -- what about that? And do you really support sending troops to die so we can drive SUVs? Him: I don't see why we can't just bomb the crap out of em right now then everything will be OK. You see what we're up against. Nobody gets it! Debate is futile any more. Well, we've got to Dumb it Down, America!! Tit for tat! An eye for an eye, a brain for a brain! This is about ruthlessly opportunistic sound bytes, and that is ALL it's about. All of this earnest debate and sharp reasoning on the part of liberals and progressives is like putting a little plate of petit-fours inside a stinky outhouse. Nobody is going in there to enjoy fancy sweets. No, the outhouse is a rough place where bidness is done. It does not smell good. Certainly no place for fussy desserts. So shit, or get outta there. Oh, you want a CHOICE? OK. Shit or piss! And shut up! (Wow, that metaphor really got out of control) So if we take our cue from Republican politics in '04, we can't lose if we: make only weak, invalid arguments -- NEVER try to argue the fine points! Make only ridiculously simple arguments! The more outlandish the better! If rebutted, say the most obviously misleading and unrelated thing possible. Repeat mindless, groundless, basesless allegations against your opponents until the co-opted masses have them memorized. There's only one problem: Our people will never buy into this. We will have to keep debate alive amongst ourselves, while pretending (here's where that pretending thing comes in! I told you I was good at it!) to AGREE with them. Which means, we'll re-co-opt the language they originally co-opted from us, and maybe things might MAKE SENSE again... A losing proposition. 8:53:12 AM    comment []