FIONA

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 07:02:08 GMT

Stiff Upper Lip

I keep trying to rally. Chin up, etc. But every time I get a little energy going on, I spring a leak and deflate again before I really do anything worthy. I see that I have a problem with making ideas real. But that would fit, since I am an intuitive introvert who tries to avoid worldly things that will only suck off more of my energy or take up more precious bandwidth. My brain is already way too full of worldly programming that does not serve me. I constantly resist taking on more of it. I don't want to learn new technologies. I don't want to do any more freelance work in my spare time. I have a very low-tech cell phone. I am not in touch with work after I leave there every day, like some people are. I don't want to get involved with any new "learning" things -- because nothing is worthy or useful. It's all about training people to participate in schemes that make lots of money for a few crafty crooks.

I'm sick at heart. I have been ever since I discovered that foul web forum that I got hooked on. It filled me with fear and dread about lots of things that can't be verified. I wish it could be exposed for what it is, and people could be educated about that damnable company that runs it. They do extremely sophisticated propaganda campaigns. They have agents that monitor the forum constantly. I just got banned again after being un-banned (I can't really figure out what the criteria are for being banned or how/when they decide to un-ban you -- the explanation that came up on the screen mentioned all the reasons they ban you but I didn't violate any of them. So there is an unwritten rule there that if you try to discuss what it really is, you get banned.

It is obvious though that there are many DEEP disinformation campaigns going on. Does that scare anyone? It scares me.

There are currently a LOT of threads there about an impending financial collapse. Today the owner(s) of the site claimed they were "forced" by mysterious outsiders to take down a really scary one that talked about a planned conspiracy by the Bush cartel to deliberately destroy the economy. It was pretty far-fetched, in my opinion. Another hyped-up scary stock market crash and then martial law prediction that is coming from the direction of the right -- much of the scary shit is coming from that way. Which tells me that they're busy trying to cover their asses. A story would be banned on that forum in order to draw people to it. However, I do think that some major financial hijinks are going on in the markets. That subprime mortgage thing is a cover story. The problem is really massive derivatives fraud. The worldwide financial network of banks and trading is nothing but a juggernaut ponzi scheme. And we won't catch on until it's too late. The article said that martial law would be declared because money will be declared worthless, banks, utilities, stores closed, etc. But how could they really pull this off with so much military out of country? And would our local cops and firemen really care to oppress their neighbors at gunpoint under order from those who are THEIR enemies, too? I wonder.

I think the purpose of articles like this is to scare people shitless. But there's always that nagging fear in the back of your mind that maybe it's really true. Events do seem to be spiraling out of control. Our news media are keeping us really ignorant. The forces that control distribution of information must be very powerful because no really credible and STRONG alternative media have emerged. Just squeaks and whispers. If you dig you can find nuggets of truth but it is very hard to put them together and see the big picture. Americans have been blindfolded. And the sources are shrinking. They are trying to consolidate media again. Already there is little difference between what we learn on TV news, what we get in the newspapers and on the internet. It's getting harder and harder to figure out what's going on and that is because every day more and more people are catching on that horrendous frauds and crimes have and are being committed against us. The perpetrators know that they are on the verge of being exposed.

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 06:01:49 GMT

Obsessions

This past holiday season I had very different feelings than in the previous one. In 2006, I watched all the old Xmas movies and cried my eyes out like a fool. In 2007, they did not affect me in that way at all. I thought they were dumb. What I think is that in '06, I was grieving over the loss of holiday joy that I used to feel. In '07, the joy was completely gone and I have become an abject pessimist. Sappy movies no longer have any power over me. I don't believe the lies any more... That's what it is. All of the cultural lies that make the holidays seem like "the most wonderful time of the year" are just so transparent in the face of a massive economic downturn, war, and all the other horrible stuff that's been building up since nine eleven. Sappy holiday movies are like a cruel, tasteless joke. I know all the songs in "White Christmas" but I just couldn't get into Bing and Danny any more.

I still feel doom in the air. And I see conspiracies everywhere. I think it's dawning on more and more people every day. We've all been suckered by the elites, but most people have no idea of the extent of premeditation that accompanies this manipulation. I'm talking engineered social conditioning, targeted diseases (with corresponding expensive pharmaceuticals that provide relief or else create some other worse problem) -- some even being administered to us through the foods we eat, all kinds of propaganda campaigns and financial schemes to trap ordinary people.

I've been caught up and obsessed with this one doomer web forum for more than a year now, on which conspiracy theories are discussed. But during that year the tone of the site changed dramatically and began to attract all kinds of Christian fanatics (because of the end of the world stuff) and right wingnuts, whereas when I first discovered it, it was being frequented mostly by people interested in benign progressive, spiritual and scientific stuff. Suddenly it was being spammed vigorously, with many contributors accusing others of being "shills", propaganda artists, liars, CIA ops, etc. There are constant predictions of doom on that site. Financial doom, and especially celestial doom. We're going to get hit by an asteroid or a comet (prediction of asteroid hit right now for the 24th or 29th of Jan.); Yellowstone supervolcano's gonna blow, there's going to be a massive EQ on the Madrid fault that will tear the country in half literally -- stuff like this constantly discussed, and much of it unverifiable. Even when people post links to supportive material, they are often suspect. Still, there's enough there to keep the intellectually curious busy checking facts and worrying... And even more worrisome, all kinds of TV programs suddenly began to appear that matched the doom shit on the forum. Mostly on The History Channel -- check out The Universe show, and The Discovery Channel, which I think is the one I saw the show about the Yellowstone "supervolcano" on. This created a buzz on the forum that the propaganda there was being mirrored and reinforced on cable TV to get people used to these ideas, but the consensus there is that the general public will never be informed before any event like a comet strike. That stuff's only for the movies. The elites don't want panic and need to feed off of us right up until the last second before they run to their hidden shelters. There are many links on the forum to oddball news the US media isn't giving us, much of it about the weather and earth changes all over the world. The wild weather is happening everywhere much more frequently than the media want to show us. If they did, people would be putting some pieces together and getting very afraid. When you look at all the information, it's very scary. HUGE increase in EQ activity the world over. What does it all mean? There are even rumors of weather manipulation. I don't doubt that the technology exists to do that. I think there is all kinds of technology stuff that would make our jaws drop that's hidden from the public.

I don't want to put the URL for this forum here because I don't want to be linked to it. I really do believe that government people watch that site closely. Sorry folks. But if you google "conspiracy theories" you can probably find it. Look for the god on the fringe. And don't mention it in the comments box here, please.

Re: climate change, is the wild weather caused by man-made "global warming"? Or by events happening in our own solar system? If the latter is the case, why aren't NASA and our government doing a better job of letting us know what's going on? Is there a coverup of something? The forum is bursting with rumors of coverups of all kinds. What bugs me is what's causing the changes elsewhere in the solar system? And is the sun going into some kind of weird cycle that will change the jet stream and cause a new ice age to descend on us instantly? They found mastadons under glaciers with undigested fresh (still green) plants in their mouths... Which means that they were quick-frozen instantly. Could something like that really happen?

This is a fascinating link I came across recently that has footnotes, regarding the changes that are happening all over the solar system. Provides hours of gloomy, creepy entertainment. The first page is about the movie Day After Tomorrow but keep going, on page two, if you scroll down, there is tons of information about what's going on with the other planets in the solar system lately.

So after poring over this web forum for a year or so I reached the conclusion that it's a propaganda portal, not just a place where regular people post for entertainment. Then I stumbled onto a whisper of something secret that appears in many threads, but in code. I couldn't figure out what this meant but finally I figured out that it's the name of an elite research company in UK. Can't mention it because I really am scared of the whole thing. I made the mistake of typing in the name, and was surprised to see in my posting that it had been instantly changed to "Merry Christmas" and I had been banned from the site. So I was correct. This operation is flooding this web site with crazy ideas and stories -- it's "viral". People come to the portal and spread the info everywhere, and embellish on it, tell their friends about it, etc. until there is just a shitstorm of disinformation, and I believe it's all being done to cover up stuff the government and elites are doing.

From reading between the lines, connecting the dots (and judging from the sheer amount of disinfo), I can figure out that something extremely big and bad really is going on, but I can't tell what. That's what is driving me crazy and what keeps me coming back there. It's like solving a big mystery. It's got that Sherlock Holmes part of this Scorpio all fired up. I AM GOING TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT! So far, I think it's either one of two things, or both: solar system events and geopolitical events -- the former perhaps causing the latter. I think that elites in governments know that the solar system is getting ready to do something that will really fuck with earth, whether that is some kind of huge comet hitting us (have you read about comet Holmes, by the way -- speaking of Holmes... I'll come back to that later) or just the sun crapping out and sending us into an ice age, or something. So whatever it is that they know about is causing all of this madness we're seeing with resource grabbing and power consolidation. I think they have a timeline and the time is drawing near.

I am convinced that no one in congress can be trusted and that the two party thing is just an illusion. I think that up in DC, they all collude behind closed doors, or are forced to cooperate by blackmail or other kinds of threats. Fair elections? The HAVA act's purpose was to fubar the system for years to come. But never mind voting fraud. That is the least of our worries, according to the conspiracy forum. They are conspiring to get rid of you and me. They want to create one big lower class, wipe out the middle class and flat out get rid of people over 50. They keep quietly curtailing our civil rights, and people haven't noticed the noose tightening until it's right around their necks. Now we have this so-called "thought crimes" legislation, and talk of limiting gun rights again. What does this tell you, people? The government is frightened to death of insurrection, and that means that the country is in the mood for it. There are many postings on this web forum by angry young men. Angry at their government and ready to do something about it. If we go into a bad recession, it's a definite possibility, from the tone of these postings.

Meanwhile, the elites are looting everyone's investments and pensions at lightspeed right now. If you wanted to cash out your retirement account, you probably wouldn't be able to at this point. We're all being robbed blind. And the rumors at this site are incredible. They are doing it to build and stock bunkers and underground cities for themselves in the sides of rock mountains to hide in when the comet hits, or maybe for when they nuke us all but we'll believe the comet hit -- perhaps because of the fear-mongering propaganda that's been spread on this forum, and other places, which is an engineered campaign by this UK firm and the "alphabet" agencies of our own government. Where is some of that Iraq war money going? Nobody seems to know. Could it be to this bunker-building effort? Who knows if that's for real, but there have been rumors of a city underneath the Denver airport for years now.

I've laid in some supplies and thought about where I could go to get away. Then realized I have nowhere to go and I'll probably just have to sit tight. Gradually I relaxed about it, realizing there's nothing I can really do. I don't know what's coming. Just live with the free-floating fear... Maybe I'm attracted to the doom, too. I'm pretty sick of "the system". I was sick of it when I was 21, in my second job out of college. I guess that would have been around 1982. I can remember driving to work in downtown Denver on the freeway that runs through town, being stuck in traffic there, looking around me and thinking, "This is not how we are supposed to live. Something is very wrong with all of this." I'd descend into the basement workplace and have to punch a time clock. Get treated like a monkey or a machine all day. Even before that, I had an internship in high school in the advertising dept. of a department store, and it was thoroughly depressing. All these weird grownups worked there -- they had various addictions and hangups and bullshit that I'd never been exposed to before. Drunks and manipulators and narcissists. I was the wide-eyed Pollyanna of the bunch and I vowed that I would NEVER, EVER get a job in advertising. Then of course I went on to have a career in it. Which I have always been very ambivalent about, to put it mildly. I was never sure I had the stuff to be a genuine artist, because I got brainwashed by my family into believing that if I tried to I would fail and be poor and miserable and probably live in a "garrett" somewhere. What the hell is a garrett, anyway? Sounded like a dungeon of some sort. And apparently starving artists have to eat things like cans of cold beans, which they ration out in spoonfuls at mealtime. We may all end up like that anyway, as a result of our unsustainable modern culture.

On the political/economic scene, I think the country's imploding not so much because of the so-called subprime mortgage crisis, but because of a wider crisis which I mentioned above, the sheer unsustainability of everything we've been doing. It's a global correction. In Hopi prophesy, the collapse of unsustainable white infrastructure is seen as a Purification. And that's the feeling I get about it, too. Remembering back to that moment of looking down the freeway on my way to work when I was 21, I was thinking that we all need to be delivered from this madness and have the world be made PURE again, free from white corruption and slavery schemes. Back to the land. Not even any farming. Right back to the woods, hunting and gathering. If it was good enough for Black Elk and Sitting Bull and all the rest of the People, it's good enough for me. I wrote my ex in jail about the Black Elk dream. He himself is a very imposing Navajo guy. He did not mention it when I visited, but later sent me a letter with my first lesson in Medicine. And here it is:Now I need a .22.

Even earlier, when I was probably about 15 years old, I remember a vision I had one time when I was walking to school. The school was a very long walk away, and I used to almost go into trances on my way there, plodding away and thinking weird thoughts. I would think about how far away the 21st century seemed -- I think that was around the time that the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey came out and so the 21st century was on our minds. I'd think to myself, "Wow -- I'll be so old then. I'll be FORTY THREE at the turn of the century!!" Now of course that seems young. But then the vision came. I saw that our country was like a petty tyrant, like a piggy little king of the world, oppressing everyone, and that it would be destroyed by fire. I saw nothing but fire, and it seemed to mean a big war that would break out after the turn of the century some time.

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 05:35:02 GMT

Malaise and Mysticism

I haven't updated for a while. I've been struggling with my various obligations and obsessions. Not the inappropriate crush. Mostly work, which tires me out. Not so much physically, but spiritually. I'm forced to pimp my creativity to commercial clients all day long. Well, maybe not forced, but I do have rent and bills to pay, and on my own I wasn't cutting it. Being drained for a paycheck creates more drang and in my spare time, I am listless. Creatively constipated. Instead I worry over end-of-the-world web forums and try to find the energy to do my backed up laundry and dishes. For a while I was in a lot of physical pain too. I got some acupuncture and that seems to have taken the pain down a bit and made it possible for me to go up and down stairs easier. I'm too young to be as paralyzed as I was getting.

I did just turn 50 and that came with what seemed to me to be a sudden change in looks, but I can't be sure. It feels like I suddenly developed a turkey wattle neck. Or maybe it's just that I never looked at my profile in the mirror before, like I did when the hair stylist showed me the back of my new very short haircut, which caused me to suck in my breath very quickly in shock. First, she'd styled it really super weird, and it looked like Munchkin hair. It was all blown outward from the center of the back of the head perfectly, and looked pretty comical. I managed to say in a normal tone of voice, "I don't think I'd probably style it like that," and messed it up a little bit so it didn't look so -- so indescribably weird? Eww. Was that really my NECK?! Second thing was, I saw my neck. I have bad genes. Body-wise and somewhat looks-wise. I am the genetic duplicate of my father's mother, and even though we are not defective morally or intellectually, we are cursed with chubby little bodies, knock knees, fingers and toes like sausages, chipmunk cheeks and droopy turkey necks. Fortunately, we were both blessed with beautiful blue eyes.

Most of the office people showed up at cocktails for me on my 50th, and seemed happy to fete me. The boss came and laid down his credit card at the end and was a big hero. He's always very cool. I guess I'm liked. But there are a couple of people who have messed with me (or who I've messed with) that are always a little skittish about social relations outside of work. One of those did come and I drunkenly assured him that I was sorry about the run-ins. I think he's OK about it. He thinks I'm crazy. Not much I can do at this point to change his mind. So I kind of reinforced that, I guess. Of course. I'm always inadvertently reinforcing whatever negative stereotypes I don't want other people to have about me. My inappropriate crush is over. He not only got a new girlfriend immediately, he decided to marry her. It's been rather a whirlwind, but that somehow made the crush go poof. Now he'll be a married man and I can sit back and enjoy the show (insert mean laughter here).

I went to see my ex in jail. I didn't think I would but I decided it was too mean not to. So he was very happy to see me. He didn't know I was going to visit, they don't even tell them who's coming to see them! I'd sent him some pics of the dog, who he is crazy about and I know they miss each other. He is getting out much earlier than I'd expected. So he'll be back in everyone's hair early next spring. Needing rides because he can't drive (in for DUI) and driving everyone crazy needing work and not doing it right and arguing with everyone as usual. Ah, then things will be back to normal. And he will come and take care of the dog for me and clean my kitchen floor.

I'm still futzing around with my place, finishing up the picture-hanging after the redecoration and adding final touches. I just got a new used TV for the bedroom, which was a stupid thing to do, because now I'll watch more TV. I've been resorting to TV torpor due to the listlessness. But there's nothing but dreck to watch. So I watch dreck woodenly.

I can't seem to get interested in reading much, but I did delve into Black Elk Speaks recently after having a vivid dream about an indian. It was just a short flash, but I saw a man with a black silk top hat and two black braids hanging down on his chest, and his face was a skull. I think it was a cougar skull. He said to me: "You must learn the medicine way." Then I woke up. That sounds a little corny but it was actually kind of scary. He was a scary and imposing figure. After that, I tried to find out exactly what "the medicine way" is, what it means. I realized after a little research that this isn't really public knowledge. It's for insiders only. You have to have connections, be an apprentice or something. It's for medicine men, or shamans, I guess. I looked up "shamans" and found a lot of information about so-called "plastic shamans", or people who exploit Native American knowledge for money. This material indicated that if one had to pay a shaman to learn stuff like this, then it wasn't genuine learning and one was being exploited. So the message was, never to pay for it, I think. And it's strange but I had been thinking lately that people should never have to pay for spiritual knowledge. I think a true spiritual teacher will give it freely if he or she feels the recipient is ready and deserving. I was once the recipient of such teaching from such a person and I recognized that. I did things for that person to try and reciprocate, but never paid money. It was understood. Anyway someone suggested that figure in the top hat might be Black Elk. He did go to Europe once, maybe it was him. And then I remembered that I'd gotten a copy of Black Elk Speaks last summer but had put it aside after reading about the Wounded Knee massacre because it made me so sad. I went and found it again and read much of the rest of the book, which is all fascinating. All about his vision. And on the web I found a really interesting analysis of all the symbolism, which has to do with the future of his people and the earth. And all about what life was like back then. He was just a little boy when the indian wars started and only got to live a short time in with his tribe as they had always lived before the evil White Man came and fubared everything... Imagine how the indians must have felt, knowing they were being wiped out. What a horrible, massive tragedy it was -- all that indigenous culture destroyed so we could build Wal-Marts and put up trailer parks for them to live in... I took out a book I have that has a map of North America and Mexico with all the tribe names and locations. The continent was filled with them, coast to coast, and up and down. All gone. They were so right about living in harmony with the earth; and we are so wrong, with our corrupt, toxic way of life that's eating us alive. I feel the sins of our forefathers on my soul as though I committed them myself. But strangely, against myself too, because I feel very sympathetic with the indigenous people.

I googled "indian in top hat" for images to see if I could find one like the one in my dream. I only found one image of an indian in a top hat, it was a Nez Perce warrior on a horse named Looking Glass. I had a book at home about the Nez Perce and got that out and there was the same picture and some information about him, but it didn't seem to ring any bells. There was an indian in a top hat in my house, though! Then at work I was startled when I noticed in the bathroom a picture of an indian in a top hat. There's a press sheet (uncut sheet) of Edward S. Curtis postcards in there, and one of them looks just like the one in my dream. So I must have seen this before, but you know how memory is. You can see something like this out of the corner of your eye every single day for months and months but your mind never acknowledges it. It takes it in, but not consciously. Then one day that thing makes its way into your dreams. But in the photo, the figure has a man's face, no cougar skull. I'm not sure what that symbology means. Nor the top hat, but I'm guessing it's literal, the "top man", perhaps, maybe this means a medicine man. Anyway, I've put it all aside again, when perhaps I should be pursuing it. I just don't know who to talk to about it. I can't imagine any genuine medicine man wanting to talk to some middle-aged gringa with a turkey wattle neck who had some crazy dream.

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 04:57:31 GMT

test

Sun, 21 Oct 2007 06:46:51 GMT

Update this blog!

As dear Maxine would say.

I lied, the inappropriate crush rages clumsily on. My poker face is being perfected. It's so painful. And now he has a girlfriend that he talks about. And even more painful, I ended up giving her a piece of furniture without knowing I was doing that... I couldn't get rid of some of my stuff in the yard sale, and nobody seemed to want it on craigslist. But as soon as you say, "FREE!" everybody wants it. So I sent an email around work asking if anyone wanted my old dresser or vanity. And he took me up on the vanity, and told me later that it was for his new girlfriend. My vanity -- the one I painted purple myself -- symbol of youth and beauty that I'm now unloading as I turn 50 and realize I don't want it any more because it makes me feel foolish and old -- goes to the girlfriend of the young guy I have the inappropriate crush on. Ouch. Another new guy at work with a new baby took the cute dresser and said his wife loved it. Well, I scored some points with peeps at work and that never hurts anything. Except in this case my poor ego.

I made it through my colonoscopy OK, no polyps found. It was weird though. I've never been in a hospital before for any procedure. The facility I went to is amazing. Everything was new and high-tech. They whisked me into the prep room and did a lot of paperwork, asked a lot of questions, briefed me and got me all outfitted with a patient ID bracelet. I realized that they do this so that patients can't be mixed up or receive the wrong treatment. The things you read about hospitals these days are frightening. I am lucky to be able to go to this state-of-the-art facility. They put me on a gurney and wheeled me into the procedure room. The doctor said a few things to me and then the nurse injected my IV with a sedative, which worked immediately. I was unconscious throughout, and when I woke up back in the prep room, I was surprised when they told me it was all over. I didn't really believe it. They made me come with someone else who was to drive, but I didn't feel out of it at all. I could have easily driven home. They have those drug dosages figured out perfectly, to last only as long as they need it to. Amazing. The entire experience, including the laxative business the day before, was much less difficult than other people had led me to believe. So if anyone out there is worrying about their colonoscopy, don't. It's really not that big of a deal. You have to drink lots of this liquid stuff and take a laxative, which makes you poop water all night and cleanses your colon. People make it sound like a horrible ordeal but it really isn't that bad. It's like having the runs real bad when you go to Mexico but without the cramps and other bad symptoms. It ain't nothin.

And my home improvement projects have grown in scope and expense, much more than I had imagined they would. I didn't think I'd get into this so deeply but the more I did, the more I wanted to do. After dealing with yet another unreliable drunk handyman (this time my next-door neighbor, who I was trying to be nice to by giving him some work), I did some shopping around and interviewing and found a guy who said he could work sober and wasn't flakey about time commitments. He came right over and really got a lot of stuff done for me. It was great. He's coming back tomorrow and going to help out again. He's a big middle-aged schlub with a family to feed and he works weekends to make ends meet. A nice east-coast guy with a baseball fetish who is really into the Rockies. All the baseball guys around here are going nuts right now. Tomorrow we will finish most of the work I wanted to do, including painting the horrid little bathroom. I even decided to try and beautify the bathroom. It's going to be painted a caramel color. That's about the best I can do, repaint and get a new shower curtain. There's not much to work with in there. But it should make things a little less horrid. And we will install the new window coverings in the bedroom, which has been completely overhauled, with all new furniture and mattresses. I totally love it. I was so sick of my ratty, shabby place. It just feel so much better to be home and not be driven crazy looking around at all the projects I wanted to do but didn't feel I had the energy to. I just suddenly got up off my tush and decided to do ALL of it. It has taken much longer than I thought it would but the change is amazing.

And I took my dog to day care and he doesn't like it. He's lonely but not for other dogs. They told me he doesn't socialize. He only wants his mommy. I am still so in love with my dog it's insane. I'm just so happy to have someone to love. He's so smart he's like a little furry person. I told him last night that he's a person and he licked me lovingly.

Today I had my hair cut and at the salon someone's Great Dane was relaxing on the fabulous 50s kidney shaped couch. What a noble beast. I had to wait a few minutes before my stylist was ready for me so I sat down beside "Otis" and made friends with him. His legs were just as long as mine. He was a big sweetie. Then I went shopping down the avenue, into all the cute little boutiques that have sprung up downtown in the last couple of years, none of which I'd ever set foot in before. It was a fascinating excursion. I bought a few things. One shop was selling all fair trade goods, many of them made by women and kids in third world countries. They were also having a coffee and chocolate tasting! I sampled some and then bought some beans. When I got up to the front to pay, I noticed the cutest little "friendship" pins, three little female figures made of body shapes cut out of aluminum soft drink cans and wire coiled up to make arms and legs and heads. I thought how much my friend would like one of these. So I bought her one, feeling a little bit weird about it. "Why am I buying her a gift?" I wondered. Later tonight I went to a special event downtown that she organized and worked on very hard for a local nonprofit org. And I found out: today is her birthday. Before I left home for the event, I struggled with the idea of taking the gift to her. I thought, "No, don't take that now. She might think it's weird to give a gift for no reason and be uncomfortable or something." I'm glad I didn't bring it because the shock of showing up with a wrapped gift and then finding out it was her birthday might have been too scary. Anyway I told her about it and she laughed. I got to sit next to a politician I'd wanted to meet who's running for US congressional rep. She turned out to be a great gal, a regular person with a good sense of humor who made self-deprecating jokes, drank her wine and ate her dessert. I told her that for those reasons, she had my vote. I so can't stand those perfect women who never drink and pretend like they don't want dessert and act like they can't say anything funny out loud. Bores! While at the table she mentioned she thought that the problem with congress is that they're "compalcent." So I piped right up and said in a voice loud enough for everyone at the table (of 10) could hear: "Oh, you think that's all it is? I have a hard time believing that the problem with congress is mere complacency." Someone else said they agreed with me. I said "I think people in congress are being threatened and bribed." I think the gal I'll vote for and anyone else who wants to go up to DC to be in the congress is either really brave or really foolish -- or both. I do believe lots of those people are getting death threats, subtle and overt. I think that's what's going on. She'll find out... But anyone who finds out is sure not going to tell us. She's running for the seat that rep Mark Udall is currently holding, and he has stopped talking to constituents. He used to have town hall meetings but not any more. He won't talk to anybody. What's up with that? And our other new Dem senator, Salazar has disappointed the hell out of everyone, after that last bastard Nighthorse Campbell switched parties and we had to suffer six years with him, now we send up Salazar to fix things and he's going along with the administration on a lot of things. So what is up with this shit? Anyone who goes up there now ends up unresponsive and unaccountable. I was thinking to myself about the lady politician at dinner tonight: "If she goes up there, it will happen to her, too."

I sneaked out of the event early because I was exhausted. I wanted to get home to my doggie, with whom I hadn't had much quality time today. He was really glad to see me, and did his little snorting dance that he does. His toenails click on the kitchen floor and I call him "Tap Dancer."

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 21:02:22 GMT

Temporary Insanity

I've finally got a grip on myself about that inappropriate crush. I'm OK now. My mind isn't consumed with it any more. (Sigh of relief) It was just a few days of (happy) temporary insanity. I didn't do anything to embarrass myself.

Now if I could just unload the constant low-grade insanity of all that end-of-the-world Black Swan stuff.

For now I'm distracting myself with a serious purging of my home. I am in the process of getting rid of physical shit I don't have use for. Furniture that no longer serves me well, clutter, clothing I haven't worn for years, books I never read, piles and piles of papers, magazines and files in my office, which I'm downsizing and making into a guest room. I'll still have a desk but not the full-on home office operation that I did when I was working out of the house. I'm looking forward to being able to accommodate houseguests. I've never been able to do that before in my life. It makes me feel so grown-up. This is a big project, and it'll culminate with a yard sale in a couple of weeks. With the money I make doing that, I'll get some new (used) furniture. Then I'm hoping I can change my ways and refrain from refilling all the new space with more junk!

It's an eye-opening process, too. Similar to meeting one's mind in meditation. Very revealing of my weaknesses. I tend to accumulate way too much stuff, and the stuff I accumulate is really oddball. Nearly every single thing I put into a "sell at the yard sale" box makes me wonder why I ever thought I needed it in the first place. Perhaps this exercise indicates that I'm doing some growing. I've read that the urge to clean house physically usually goes hand-in-hand with simultaneous or oncoming mental and emotional purging and streamlining. Bring it on.

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 04:50:38 GMT

It's not about cars

Here's what's bugging me about this global warming/climate change thing. When it's talked about, only the man made damage is mentioned. What is that supposed to be -- 20% of the cause of this climate change? Maybe less. Doesn't anyone ever think about what's causing the other 80%? There's never any mention of what is going on in the larger solar system/galaxy. But I feel pretty sure that is what the Black Swan is about. The convergence of unexpected celestial events. I only understand vaguely, but here's what I think: there is currently a lot of radical change going on in our solar system, due to planetary alignments and also heretofore unknown celestial bodies in our area, which are causing (and will cause ever more intense) turbulence, radiation bursts, warming, storms, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, even a polar shift. Apparently the earth's crust can move independently of its core, and because the crust is magnetic it can be pulled and moved by other magnetic bodies in the vicinity. It is likely that there is such a body or bodies nearby. Knowledge of such passages, if they are cyclic, and the cycles are lengthy (for example thousands of years) is lost between occurrences, because of the devastation to human civilization that they cause each time. Such polar shifts can cause massive movements and shifts in the earth's crust, including ripping and tearing of continents, formation of new mountain ranges, and displacement of oceans. There are rumors of such an event upcoming.

The wild weather we've been experiencing may be due to a rotation of the earth already taking place. I don't know what the source of this material is but it's interesting. Take a look. It's claiming that the earth has rotated 26 degrees. This year, I noticed that the faceted crystal I had in my front window no longer made rainbows in my living room in the morning the same way it did in the past. At a certian hour, the sun used to always shine right through it. But not this year. The sun doesn't come through that window in the morning. I've been thinking about that a lot.

And the weather has become so extreme, I really don't believe it's possible that the only cause could be too many cars, greenhouse effect. It seems self-evident to me that it's something much, much bigger. Why would all the other planets in the solar system be heating up, too? Not many people know that. Google that for yourself. Do a little reading on the subject. Don't take my word for it. I am tired of having people think I'm crazy. I am not.

Black Swan is here. It's the weather, it's a global weather catastrophe caused by celestial events. An ongoing series of horrible events that will unfold: storms of all kinds, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, etc. It's happening now.

Fiona says get disaster survival supplies asap. Don't procrastinate any more. The government is not going to make any announcements about what is going on. They are keeping quiet because if it's as bad as I think it is, and if people knew, there could be panic. Panic is undesirable and so the government labs are not going to fill us in about the cause of these weather events; the press is not going to connect the dots for us about how they're related, our leaders and even people we think we can trust in congress aren't going to ever tell us. What could anyone do? They could certainly tie up some loose ends and make some amends and lay in some supplies. But the panic might be a bigger problem. I think the people in government who could warn us are just going to let it happen with no warning mainly so that they can have some advantage in getting supplies and moving to the most advantageous places, because surely these people in the US science labs like NASA, NOAA, etc. know what is going to happen and where it might be safe to be. They are under gag orders and can't tell us anything, probably on pain of being disappeared or something.

Call me paranoid, etc. Whatever. I have read enough, seen enough to be pretty sure that something big is happening.

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 04:54:55 GMT

Only after the last tree has been cut down
Only after the last river has been poisoned
Only after the last fish has been caught
Only then will you find that money cannot be eaten.
-- Cree prophecy

Is anyone else reading the signs?

That big stone on top of the Aztec emperor's tomb that was uncovered in an earthquake in Mexico City with the creator/destroyer god on it looks like the same one that's in the center of the Mayan calendar. That calendar speaks of the end of a cosmic cycle in the year 2012. Funny time for it to surface, about now, but maybe it's a warning.

Lots of indigenous messages coming through now. The Hopi end-time prophesies are certainly worth taking a look at.

The market meltdown is scaring me. Tonight I read a rumor online that the last time there was activity like this was right before 9/11. Now that's scary.

And why is the Bush administration forcing passage of all these new Patriot Act type laws, and why is congress going along, and why aren't they going forward with impeachment? I'll tell you why. Because they are in collusion. It's all a show, a pretense that there are two opposing parties. The reality is, they are working against us behind the scenes. Who wants to believe that? Most people can't accept that Democracy is a myth, let alone that electronic voting is fraudulent. Desperate measures are being taken right now by the Bush administration because they're on the verge of exposure. What do desperate people do when their crimes are about to be uncovered? They start fires. This group is quietly setting up conditions so that anything they do to us to save their own necks will be legal. They have themselves covered now. I do believe they can do just about anything they want at this point and get away with it. They have made sure that the National Guard is removed, exhausted and their supplies depleted. Local law enforcement may not go along if they try to declare martial law, though. But I suspect the powers that be have their own private mercenary armies and militias awaiting orders for activation if the markets crash and there's a run on the banks or the grocery stores.

I've been reading a lot of stuff online about secret weapons technology that can control the weather and create earthquakes and tsunamis. If this is true, some places might be under attack right now. Perhaps there won't be another attack like 9/11. Maybe it'll be strategically created monsoons and hurricanes and tornadoes, New York...

I smell panic.

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 19:02:43 GMT

full bloom moon by fiona

Sat, 14 Jul 2007 04:42:21 GMT

Psychic Phenomena

OHhhhhhhh...

I finally get it. The reason intuitive people are so maligned is because they are genuinely powerful. There is a conspiracy to make people believe that a) psychic powers don't exist and b) people who have or believe in them are somewhat unhinged because if everyone got hip, then the usual suspects could never acquire so much power. So that the wrongdoers can be safe from detection, sensitives are persecuted. They encounter all kinds of denial and must suffer minimizing attacks regularly, in addition to outright fear and loathing. Such response from the world regarding their natural perception abilities is confusing and disheartening for the sensitive, and can cause that kind of person to be socially isolated. Intuitive people get complexes and become unsure of their own perceptions. That's the really heinous part. If you get attacked too much you end up with damaged abilities. I see potential for positive group telepathic action, though. If believing and doing were accepted (instead of discouraged and mocked), we would all be able to go to higher levels and the pigs who typically claw their way to the top wouldn't have a chance of implementing their diabolical agendas (because we would ALL KNOW... the way some of us do already). So listen up. There really is such a thing as "psychic ability." And if we're not afraid, we could maybe use it together to vanquish the Bad Guys.

Anyone want to practice? How many fingers am I holding up right now? What color am I wearing? When is the next earthquake hitting LA?