Travel Tales
I have returned from a self-imposed Los Angeles exile. Some random thoughts on my week...
- Our gracious hosts were our friends Greg and Becky, and their likable new roommate, TiVo. Yeah, that TiVo. Now, don't get me wrong, we didn't leave the cold confines of Minnesota for sunny SoCal just to sit around and watch the tube. But inevitably, there was down time. And TiVo made that down time better. Combined with digital cable, TiVo was able to provide up to six different tapings of the Simpsons each day. We could also see the previous night's Daily Show, or watch Starcade, the awful '80's gameshow were socially mal-adjusted teens played lameass games like Moon Patrol or Berserk to win an even lamer Buck Rodgers video game. TiVo allows you to watch only that which you want to watch, when you want it. And without the commercials. As Greg said, you can watch more TV in less time. I miss TiVo already.
The Hearst Castle
- We played the role of tourist, visiting the La Brea tar pits, and the Hearst castle in San Simeon. La Brea was interesting, mostly because it's still a large tar pit right in the middle of L.A. I had always thought they found dinosaurs there, but it's Ice Age stuff like Mastedons, Mammoths, dire wolves, American lions. Did you know there was an American lion? I didn't. It was much bigger than lions today. Speaking of "bigger", the Hearst castle defies description. It is ostentatious even by today's standards. What must it have been like during the Depression?
Bill Walton posts up at LAX
- We saw celebreties. I saw basketball great Bill Walton at the airport. Walked right past him. He was berating the person making his latte: "That's a terrrrrribbble lattle! Please, can someone learn how to froth milk?" Well, I lie. He was just walking. And being damn tall. I saw Mariah Carey and Magic Johnson at the Laker game. I saw them seperately, not as a couple. At least, they weren't a couple while in public view. To be fair, I only saw them from my seat in the next-to-last row of Staples Center, while they were on the floor. I know it was them, because they were on the scoreboard. But even from my seat in the sky, Mariah Carey stood out. Viewers of the All-Star game halftime show know what I'm talking about. (Check the Game Pipeline later today for a complete game report on the ridiculous Laker/Pacer game.) We had a chance to see Steve Martin and Queen Latifah, since the premiere of their new movie was happening on Hollywood Boulevard as we drove through. We opted for La Brea instead. There were guys dressed in full Star Wars Stormtrooper regalia on Hollywood Boulevard. Linus would have loved that. I wished he was with us many times during the weekend.
I miss In-N-Out already
- To be a meat-eater in L.A. is probably to love In-N-Out Burger. They do it the way it needs to be done. The menu reads pretty much like this: Single. Double. Fries. Drinks. That's it. They don't bullshit around. So Greg and I pull into the drive-through on our way to the Laker game. Greg expresses relief that we can get within a block before joining the drive-through lane. He says it often backs up for many blocks. It's that good, and there's only one In-N-Out in the Valley. So Greg orders a "4X4". I look at the menu, and I don't see anything called a "4X4". I figure he's joking. I ask him what it is, and he says it's a double, times two, meaning it is a burger with four patties. Read that again. Four patties. I laugh uproariously, because obviously no such thing can exist.
I recoiled in horror as we pulled up to the drive-through window, and I saw two over-matched workers trying to stuff Greg's 4X4 into a wrapper. They had to call for backup; finally, our meals emerged from the window in a no-frills, reinforced cardboard box. We pound our burgers, Greg managing his 4X4 while negotiating the 405 during high traffic at 75 MPH. No easy feat. I'm pounding a Red Bull and watching it all unfold in front of me. While on the surface streets, Greg even manages to foresee a traffic accident, as one white Mercedes takes a left turn in front of another white Mercedes. He called it a full five seconds before the impact. Their crash was spectacular, though no one got hurt but the two Mercedes.
Come to find out, there are a lot of things that you can get at an In-N-Out that aren't on the menu. You can get it "animal style", which is where your burger is basted in mustard. Or you can get the Flying Dutchman, which is where they substitute lettuce for the bun, also known as Adkins style. I have to say, my double burger was real good. I could have gone for a triple, but Greg never gave me the codeword for how to order it.
Patron Anejo goes down easy...
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The biggest mistake, by far, was deciding to play a game upon our return from the Laker game. It was already 10:30, and we had to be up and on a plane the next morning. I can't remember whose idea it was, but Greg and I decided to play Trivial Pursuit. Our version required a $50 bottle of Tequila, and a long list of extra rules. There are always extra rules. You can probably connect the dots on this one: Correct answers and pies mean your opponent is filling a shot glass. I've never had good Tequila, and was surprised at how easily it went down (and came back up). We played two games (a split), and endured numerous taunts and cautionary words from our wives, who I am convinced would have been right there with us were mine not pregnant. Next thing I know, it's 2:00 AM, and Greg and I are laughing it up about everything, because it's all funny. Then the stereo comes on, too loud, which brings Becky down the stairs in a far better mood than she had a right to be in. Greg dubs her "The Snowman" because of the white terricloth robe she's wearing, and that was officially the end of the good times. Next thing I know, I'm clutching porcelain in the guest bathroom, a scene which would very unfortunately be repeated in some person's sunshine-splashed front driveway very close to LAX a few short hours later.
The main thing is that we got to see some friends we haven't seen in far too long, including our friends Nathan and Christina who came down from San Francisco, Greg and Becky, and our friends in Kansas, Kevin and Rae Anne and their loquacious and adorable son Jackson. And, I got to see my Mom and Dad, and they got to spend some time with Linus. Linus was completely spoiled by my parents, which of course is what we expected them to do. It was a nice vacation. We returned late Saturday to several inches of fresh snow and sub-zero temperatures. When can we go back to the beach?
12:26:57 PM 
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