True Faith
I have felt the calling. Deep down, I know what my heart believes is true, what my heart wants my head to decide.
By I have a very stubborn and pragmatic and cynical head. It won't budge.
I have been an Agnostic all my life. The call to faith in a higher power that some hear never resonated with me. I never felt the pull, or struggled with the guilt of a choice ill-considered or a life led poorly in the eyes of God. As I have grown older, I have found it easier not to begrudge others who have heard and tried to understand that calling. To each their own, as long as we keep that whole church/state separation thing going on, you dig?
But there is another calling that I have felt in my heart for some time. It is the call of Peace. Does it reveal my cynicism to say that I equate that with a call to Idealism?
I understand why people march for peace. I understand why so many still cling to the rationale for their Nader votes. I understand why the WTO and the World Bank are shafting people...Why I should support a third party...Why settling for Gore is really just settling...
I don't think this world is the way it should be. I don't like that we are invading a country this week, without a direct attack on U.S. interests. I don't like that people live in poverty, that capitalism is driving our world to a frightening place.
I don't.
But it takes a leap of faith to put onesself in a world that ought to be, and to work for it, as opposed to living in the world that is, and trying to make the best of it. My head keeps me in the here and now. My head doesn't believe that a system reform that necessarily requires the subjugation of capitalism can ever happen, absent some large event. That event is likely to be a catastrophe, and not a march that turns to violence with police.
My head also knows the world has changed, perhaps in ways my heart won't acknowledge. Preemptive war? The heart would never consider it; the head is weighing the concept carefully.
My heart and my head are growing apart over the years. They need a counselor.
I deride the people I sympathize with the most. I question how they can devote so much of their hope and energy to a cause in vain. I ridicule them for not living in reality. I chide them for splitting the Left.
I'm the cynic. I'm a part of the problem. I lack faith in the ability to fight the power. I know we can't do what needs to be done. Have I not seen the light, or seen it too clearly?
My faith is in acquiescence, in a path that we cannot alter or control. I submit meekly to our new boss (same as the old boss): the power of the dollar and the media and our own ignorance and apathy. The faith of my head trumps that of my heart every time. My head loves a winner; my heart can't keep all the details straight anymore.
My faith, my one true belief, is that I will never do the difficult things that need to be done to truly change this world. I will not sacrifice. I will make do with what we have. I have faith in that.
I know thyself.
I'm a part of the problem.
Go Here Now...
Hyperbole posted this link yesterday, but for those readers who aren't cross-pollinating the sites, go here now. It's a website that features genuine government-authorized symbols to help people during these troubled terrorist times. The twist is that they have provided their own captions. An example is below...
If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.
Well, I thought it was funny...
12:21:11 PM 
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