You knew it was coming...
You can't do the yin without the yang, so here is the much-anticipated follow-up to last week's Underrated feature. I'm so sick of the credit and hype these things get. The Pipeline is going to set the record straight.
These Things Are Overrated
Is that a bib or a Santa beard that Sandra is wearing? And is Scalia giving us the finger?
The Supreme Court
Talk about overrated. These days the Supremes are strictly a political operation that is no longer check nor balance. Got a really tough case like reproductive rights or the death penalty? They won't touch it. Oh, sure, they'll hear an Affirmative Action case this year, but you can bet their ruling will be narrow and open to interpretation for some future court. When they finally did get a chance to make a definitive ruling on something in the 2000 election, they effectively took a "pass", screwing Democracy and their own authority in the process. Most rulings and decisions are as predictable along party lines as the House or Senate, the only difference being the enormous lag-time that lifetime appointments creates between the person appointing them and the era in which they carry out their term. There used to be a time when smart, law-interested young kids (i.e. "dorks") wanted to grow up to serve on the court. Those days are done. OVERRATED!
Frank Burns: Still funny after all these years. Who knew he was M*A*S*H*'s secret weapon?
M*A*S*H*
I'm talking about the TV show, not the movie. As far as I know, the M*A*S*H* finale is still the highest-rated program in history, just ahead of the Jay Leno where Hugh Grant had to go on and explain his actions after he solicited that prostitute. I'm here to tell you, that M*A*S*H* finale ain't no great shakes. So what, Hawkeye goes crazy, BJ gets on a helicopter, and they all go home so Klinger and Col. Potter can be on the excreble AfterM*A*S*H*? (You forgot about AfterM*A*S*H*, didn't you?) Now, don't get me wrong. There are some damn fine M*A*S*H* episodes out there. But how many of those were in the last five or so years of the show, after Frank Burns left? You could count them on one hand, my friend. You just have to know when a thing isn't good anymore. Once they left Tuesday nights to go to Mondays, it was over. Do you know why it started to suck? Because it stopped being funny, and became a morality play about the evils of war. Duh. We all know war sucks it. That doesn't mean we want to hear about it every damn week. I'm convinced most people just kept tuning in for five years hoping it would get funny again. Again, a good show. But the "Best Sitcom In History?" OVERRATED!
What has the Sun done for you lately? Look at the pensive look on its face, just waiting to screw us over.
The Sun
Yeah, that's right. The Sun is WAY overrated. Giver of life, my ass. People like to worship the sun, and talk about how we would all be dead if it weren't for the sun, but you could say the same thing about air, water, carbon, TV, etc. It says here the sun ain't so great. Think about it. First of all, there's nothing special or unique about the sun. There are, literally, (say it like Sagan) billions and billions of suns in the world, many of which are much larger and more stable than our own sun. Not so special now, huh? And speaking of stability, it's a well-known fact that our sun is going to just implode someday and turn into a black hole. Or is it going to blow up? I can't remember. But sooner or later, the sun is going to let us down, big time. What's more, I hate the way the sun is always depicted as a happy, smiling cherubic overseer of our lives here, like the sun is just our special friend in the sky. The sun really isn't that way at all. If you were to try to shake the sun's hand, your hand would burn off! Even exposing yourself to the sun can cause you to die. But go too far away from the sun, and you'll freeze to death. Awfully demanding for a friend, if you ask me. We only think the sun is so great because it's the only sun around. The sun knows this. It's playing us. Did you see the way the sun got all jealous in the movie 2010 when Jupiter went supernova or whatever and turned into another sun? The sun wasn't so special anymore, was it?
I think Monty Burns put it best: "For centuries, man has yearned to snuff out the sun!" I'm shaking my fist at the sun right now. OVERRATED!
It's the hair.
Pete Rose
I'm not going to talk about the gambling part, though it seems fair to say that Rose was a very poor and stupid gambler. I'm talking about Rose, the player. No doubt, he is a Hall Of Famer. But the Rose apologists make it seem like he's the greatest player of all time. Being the leader in hits and being some inner-tier HOFer are two very different things. The guy was a singles hitter with no speed, who played most of his career in the OF, 1B or 3B, positions that make his punch-and-judy offensive attack an actual liability in some cases. He only set the hit record because he played for-fucking-ever, and in the end, only because he was the man filling out the lineup card. Again, he's a HOFer, no doubt, but let's not confuse the facts here. His accomplishments don't stand up as well to the statistical scrutiny that will define baseball in years to come. OVERRATED!
1:11:30 PM 
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