The Dull Pain of the Wolves Fan
What follows is a tale of woe so gut-wrenchingly tragi-comic, so incalculably against the odds of fairness and forces of karma, it is suggested that even readers who have no interest in sport indulge it as a cautionary tale of what can happen when you love something that cannot love you back.
The NBA Playoffs start this weekend. Gentlemen, start your punchlines...
Punchlines are what we hear a lot of up in these parts, in Timberwolf Country. When your team has exited the playoffs in the first round for six consecutive years, it is going to be the butt of some jokes. But the jabs don't even begin to highlight the dull pain that is being a Wolves Fan.
How do you want it? You want the bottom line? Start with the playoff failures: Six years running, the Wolves have been to the post-season, only to find themselves the lower seed, the lesser team, the first to exit. Six years of expectations, vanquished at the hands of a stronger, deeper foe. Six years of limbo, of wait-till-next-year. And the year after that. And the year after that...and so it goes.
But you need to go all the way back, all the way to the beginning, to understand the hurt we feel. Prepare yourself; if this were a movie script, they wouldn't film it. "Too improbable!", they would say. Judge for yourself...
I wasn't here when it began, in 1989, but I know what happened. They flew out of the gates, winning 29 games in their second year, and setting an all-time attendance record in the spacious Metrodome. Bill Musselman was the fiery coach, a hyper-competitive sort bent on winning. He was a fan favorite for his intensity and his history as the coach of some great Golden Gopher teams. Then, Mistake Number One happened: The front office fired Musselman, for not playing the young "talent" on the roster. Muss claimed he was there to win games, and he did that very well. He also claimed the "talent" the team drafted for him stunk. No matter, Muss was gone and out of the league, and within two years, so was all that "talent" he was supposed to play.
Who fired him? Bob Stein, son-in-law of the owners. Remember that. Bob Stein knew jack about basketball, but he was the GM. The son-in-law.
They hired Jimmy Rodgers as coach, hoping his Celtic pedigree would rub off on the team. They hired Jack McCloskey as GM, hoping his Piston pedigree would rub off on the team. They drafted Christian Laettner, hoping his Duke pedigree would rub off on the team. All three moves turned out to be unqualified disasters. Rodgers was a non-entity with an unfortunate anglo afro-mullet combination, guiding the team to records like 15-67. McCloskey rested on his laurels. Laettner immediately displayed legendary churlishness and slow feet. The team floundered.
Of course, Laettner should have never been here. The Wolves' draft history reads like a giant game of musical chairs in which they are perpetually the one left standing when the music ends and the chairs are taken. More times than any other team in NBA draft history, the Wolves have drafted below their expected position as a result of the lottery process. The year they went 15-67, they were the worst team in the league, and had the best odds of getting the #1 pick. Instead they ended up with #3, and Laettner. No big deal, they only missed out on some guys named Shaquille and Alonzo. Word of advice: In a blind draft of basketball players whose names are Shaquille, Alonzo, and Christian, don't take Christian. Other drafts followed the same, if less dramatic pattern. Four great players? The Wolves will get the fifth pick. Every damn year. They only lucked into Kevin Garnett because people hadn't wised up on the high schoolers being the future of the league. But we'll talk KG in a moment...
So, the draft sucked. The added guys like Felton Spencer, Luc Longley, Paul Grant, Will Avery, Donyell Marshall. Behind Garnett and Wally, you could argue their best pick was JR Rider, the most notorious cancer in league history. (Rider's a column all his own-Karate-kicking the woman in the back at the Mall, getting pulled over after playing dice on a street corner in Oakland, getting pulled over for having stolen cell phones, getting arrested for smoking dope out of a Coke can on the side of the highway, telling a Strib reporter he knew people who could "take him out", and so many more...) The coaches sucked. Rodgers was followed by Sid Lowe, and Bill Blair before Saunders and McHale took over.
Which brings us to the current regime. OK, so look at what they inherited. Terrible team, blown draft picks, and a roster that has big-time cancers in Laettner and Rider. Things are looking up, right? This is where the real pain starts, friends.
They deal Rider and Laettner for nothing. Addition by subtraction. They deal Donyell Marshall for Tom Gugliotta, who would become their first All-Star. Then they draft Kevin Garnett, followed the next year by Stephon Marbury, and suddenly this team is in the playoffs against Houston. The team has a new, young identity, and Garnett and Marbury's talents and charisma are incredibly compelling.
It didn't even last two years. Before Marbury's third season, Tom Gugliotta wanted out of town because he didn't like playing for Marbury. He was lost as a free agent, with nothing coming to the Wolves in return. Then, in the middle of the 98-99 season, Marbury demanded a trade in a fit of pique inspired by homesickness for New York and jealousy over Garnett's contract and popularity here. In return, the Wolves received Terrell Brandon and the draft pick that became Wally Szczerbiak.
The Marbury loss hurt emotionally and competitively. Garnett became an MVP candidate on an island, all alone. Wally was little more than a spot-up shooter who couldn't guard his counterparts; Brandon was effective when healthy, which was about 80% of the time up until he was lost for good in the middle of last season, his career all but over.
All the while, the playoff losses were mounting. First, a loss to Houston in the 96-97 playoffs, swept by a team with a still-valuable Hakeem Olajuwon. The Wolves were just happy to be there. It was a step. The next year, a great chance to upset the Sonics, but they let game 4 at the Target Center get away, and game 5 in Seattle was perhaps Garnett's worst game as a pro. The next year, a very good series against San Antonio, the eventual champions. But a loss all the same. Then Portland, then San Antonio again, then Dallas last year. Six years. All losses. Only one series that even went the distance.
And then there's Joe Smith. I'll just say it plainly, without a lot of editorializing. The Wolves got caught trying to sign Smith, a very average player who is injured all the time (like right now) to an under-the-table $93 million dollar deal, in an effort to circumvent the salary cap. They lost three first-round draft picks as Commissioner David Stern levied a harsh but justified penalty. Why Saunders and McHale were not fired on the spot for a lack of oversight, or for wanting to pay Smith that kind of money is one of the great unanswered questions of our age.
The dearth of talent via the draft meant that Garnett would have even less help, and more burden on his slight shoulders than ever before. He has responded marvelously, and will be either first or second in the MVP race this year.
This team, despite the lack of talent on the roster, managed to claim the fourth seed in the West, and thus homecourt advantage when their playoff series starts Sunday. And who do they play? The three-time defending champion Los Angeles Lakers, who are the fifth seed by virture of Shaquille O'Neal missing the first three weeks of the season, and using the next two months of the season to get in shape. In other words, despite having the better record and home-court advantage, the Wolves will be VERY heavy underdogs to advance to the next round. Year seven...
This is what it means to be a Wolves fan. Bad things happen. Really bad things, like the Joe Smith Fiasco. But even when a good thing happens, like getting home court, or finding a real treasure like Garnett, it's a bad thing. Do you know what it's like to watch that man give so much, when everyone knows it's not going to be enough? He's going to leave us someday, and who can blame him? His team, his management, has let him down, and for what? Joe Smith.
You think Red Sox fans have it tough? No way. They at least have an identity. There is a perverse pain in their love of their lore. Same with Cubs fans. We don't even have that as Wolves fans. We have nothing but a wonderful star player we love, who we can see put the best years of his career into a sinking ship. You almost want to tell him to get out while he still can. That's how bad it is for Wolves fans.
Yeah, I'll be watching Sunday. I will hope against hope, just like last year, just like all the way back to '97. It can't go on like this forever. Can it?
2:37:20 PM 
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