Who’s Hot?
Yesterday’s discussion of Tony Blair’s Generic Attractiveness got me to thinking: Who’s really hot?
Before answering that, let’s back up a moment. This isn’t just some cheap attempt to post a bunch of pictures of attractive people. If I were going to do that, I would just post a million photos of Salma Hayek and Ed Norton. No, it’s so much more than that.
This is an attempt to define the Scales of Attractiveness.
The Scale works like this:
Universally Attractive (Definition: Even a man or woman insecure about their sexual orientation can admit that these men or women are attractive. These people are hotter than the Sun.)
Generally Attractive (Definition: Most people would agree. These people are hot.)
Just Attractive (Definition: These are pleasantly attractive people, just as likely to appear on TV or the cover of a second-rate magazine like McCall’s as they are to be the object of your office’s affection.)
Matter of Taste (Definition: These are people that one person will say they think is attractive, and another person will roll their eyes or say "Eww, gross.")
Quirky (Definition: There’s no accounting for taste.)
Who is Universally Attractive? Who is just a Matter of Taste? Pipeline has it's own mind for these issues, but we know you'll disagree. For example:
Brad Pitt is Universally Attractive. I defy you to find anyone at all who doesn't think he's just the bee's knees. Even Antonin Scalia freely admits this in his judges quarters. His wife's attractiveness, on the other hand, is strictly a Matter of Taste. If you like your women rail-thin, made up like a clown, and attached to two personal floatation devices, then you're in business.
Who else is Universally Attractive? Well, Vanessa Williams is. After all, she WAS Miss Universe (for awhile).
Who is Generally Attractive? Let's see...Uh-oh, it's another gratuitous Liz Phair photo...
The new album's no good, but at least she's still doing PR photos
As for a Generally Attractive male, Pipeline nominates Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey's partner-in-crime on Weekend Update. Tina, of course, fits into the Matter of Taste category.
And of course, the Queen Mother fits in the Royally Attractive category
Then you have people who are Just Attractive. These are people like Hugh Jackman and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Pipeline thinks both could be considered Generally Attractive, but the reality is that there is a dearth of photos of people on the internet that are Just Attractive.
Here's a Matter of Taste for you: David Schwimmer. Pipeline can't get past his little baby whiny talk voice. Pipeline strongly suggests his demographic also loves Teddy Bears and Anne Geddes photos.
David Schwimmer's career will end when he loses all of his Friends
Finally, there is no accounting for our quirky tastes, those people who you might not want to tell the world that you think are just really cute, or have that certain undefineable something. Perhaps it's someone like CNN anchor Judy Woodruff...
You're like a fine wine, Judy
Or maybe your quirks come in a slightly larger variety...
Pipeline misses you, John Candy
11:02:45 AM 
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