Thursday, December 18, 2003

The Kerry Meeting It is simply becoming known as "The Kerry Meeting".  Alterman has written about this as well, but read this outstanding story about the Kerry Meeting.  It's tragic, in many ways.  Personally, I don't blame Kerry for the Iraq vote.  Not only was it defensible on many levels (and his explanation in the link above makes a lot of sense), but it was also a political decision.  Kerry is a part of a bi-partisan body that has to act on a lot of issues, and his Iraq vote wasn't in a vaccuum.  It's easy for war protesters to say he's persona non grata for his vote, and for them to make the choice to hit the streets with a lame chant.  Their choice was to turn out or stay home.  Kerry had a different choice.  He believed in the need for inspections.  He saw voting for the resolution as the best chance for more inspections, and it's important to note that the subsequent UN resolution for inspections passed unanimously, and Iraq welcomed them in!  That's exactly the outcome Kerry was hoping for with his vote. And that's when the Bush team began to advance their own agenda.  At that point, there wasn't a damn thing Kerry could do about it, except for cry bloody murder.  Which, unfortunately, he has resisted the urge to do.  But I wonder how much longer that will last? 3:01:46 PM    Say what?[]

Return of the Bad Parent I have received a number of inquiries of late, from people wanting to know if I'm going to follow through on my plan to have Linus see the Return of the King. The answer is, "No." In short, I was persuaded by the many, many parents who suggested that it might not be a good idea.  Although I think there's a chance he would enjoy it, I also think there's a chance he would be troubled by it, and why take that chance? After reading the many comments, I paid even more attention to Linus as he was watching movies.  We didn't watch Two Towers again.  Rather, I observed him watching some of his favorites that he knew very well, like Toy Story or Monsters, Inc.  Despite having seen these movies frequently, with subsequent viewings he is getting more out of the humor, plot and dialogue. That leads me to believe that while he has not shown any outward appearance of ill effects from watching the first two parts of the trilogy, it is highly likely that he's not yet able to process a lot of what he is seeing.  I know this is an argument that many parents made in my comments, and I am now inclined to agree. Conspicuously, nearly every comment suggesting taking Linus was a good idea was from a person who didn't have kids.  I still think those positions have a lot of merit.  But considering this is a fully elective activity, considering the movie ain't exactly going to be a one-chance only affair, and considering Linus is getting older every day, I think we'll just wait. Rather, he'll wait.  I'm seeing the movie as soon as possible. 12:51:05 PM    Say what?[]

Octagenarian, Sexagenarian The current issue of Newsweek has a story about the sex lives of elderly nursing home residents.  This is a topic I happen to know a little bit about; while in college, I gave a speech about the sex lives of the elderly.  I'm not sure how I arrived at the topic, though I suspect it had to do with stumbling across an amazing article in one of my developmental psychology journals.  That article was a quantitative study of the sexual activities of California nusing home patients between the ages of 80 and 104.  The activites of these oldsters, and the frequency, really floored me.  Basically, you name it, and it was going on (albeit veeeeery slowly).  And that was before Viagra. Sex in nursing homes combine two of the great taboo topics in our country.  Many people live with a nagging fear that they will someday live in a home, while at the same time denial about sex is one of our great pasttimes.  Adults deny that their kids are having sex, and when those kids grow up, they deny that their elderly parents are having sex.  Here are some of the more interesting things one can find on the subject. Who's a hot commodity in the senior set?  Given the fact that seven out of 10 nursing home residents are women, it's men.  Specifically, men with hair that women can run their fingers through.  I must have read a half-dozen references to how desireable old men with hair are.  Here's an excerpt... Grace Bosse, 83, was deeply depressed when she entered a California nursing home a year ago. Now she is “going steady” with Henry Stull, 72, and her spirits have soared. It has certainly made her the envy of other women at the home, since Stull was quite a catch. “He’s a hot commodity in this facility,” says Noelle Ramsey-Chaney, director of social work at Country Hills Health Care Center in El Cajon, Calif. “A lot of the ladies were trying to court Henry because he’s tall, he has good teeth and he has hair. And he can dance.” What else sets men apart?  This is more of a factor for elderly men in all living situations, but if a man can drive, a man can get around, if you catch my meaning.  In a July, 2001 Washington Post article that focuses primarily on the elderly and HIV/AIDS, this tidbit appeared: In retirement communities, she says, people have time on their hands, and a man of 70 or 80 who can still drive is viewed as "a hot commodity." Saunders agrees. "If a man can drive at night, ooh man, he's got every woman he wants...I've met lots of guys who have seven girlfriends. [The women] don't care, because they're so lonely," she says. Damnation!  Seven girlfriends?  I can see this harried little widower scurrying back and forth to his car with his finger-tousled hair flying in the wind, as he scrambles to get to his sixth Viagra-fueled date of the evening.  How many times has this conversation happened?  "Listen, Dad.  You're 82 now, and we know you like to drive because it makes you feel independent, but why can't you take the bus instead, like I do?" "Independent, my ass.  I like to drive because I can get laid four times a day.  People who ride the bus don't get laid at any age, junior.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have a tight schedule to keep." So, pay attention guys.  Keep your car running and your hair nice, and you'll be all set.  Provided you can live that long, of course. What's most amazing is the denial of the care workers and the children of the residents.  I suspect it's worse in some parts of the country than in others.  It seems there's a lot of denial in the Cincinnati area... When a 72-year-old grandmother and a 68-year-old man started holding hands at a Westwood nursing home, staff members thought it was cute. But when the unmarried couple announced they wanted to have sex, staffers were stunned. "We thought, 'No way,' " said Sara Gramann, director of nursing at the home at the time. "Then we realized we would be violating their rights." After checking with adult protective services, state officials, social workers and ombudsmen, nursing home officials briefed the couple on safe sex practices, gave them condoms and the use of a private room. "The woman's children were irate and threatened to sue us because they didn't picture their mom having sex while she had grandkids running around the nursing home," said Gramann. "It was quite an issue. Sexuality in any health care setting is just not talked about." While nursing homes give elderly and sick people help ranging from medical care to personal hygiene to genial companionship -- sex is generally ignored. "The whole subject is taboo," said Dr. Duncan MacLean, the medical director of Delaware's state-operated system of nursing homes who's studied the complicated issue. "Most nursing homes sweep it under the rug. And still more denial... "There are no torrid sex scenes going on," said Barry Bortz, chief executive officer of Care Spring, which operates several nursing homes in Northern Kentucky and Cincinnati. "I wouldn't be surprised if sex occurred, but I can't remember a specific incident where it happened among residents. "Sex is still there, but sex becomes a different thing with them -- holding hands, caressing each other, combing each other's hair. It's a much more innocent process than you might think." John Hutcherson, administrator of Baptist Convalescent Center in Newport, said he assumes sex has occurred among residents, but said it has never posed a problem. "There really isn't much sex talk here," he said. "The focus of residents is really elsewhere. Their focus is more on food." At Hillebrand Nursing Center in Bridgetown, "sex has never been an issue," said the administrator, Richard Kidd. "I don't think it (sex among residents) happens," he said. "The staff would know if individuals were going into a room together and closing the door." But you know how it is with sex.  Some people want to pretend it's not happening.  Some people think about it, but assume no one else is doing anything about it.  Beverly Clay of Fort Mitchell, a resident of Highlands of Fort Thomas Health Care Center and Rehabilitation, said she was "somewhat surprised" to learn from a staffer that sexual relations there had occasionally been privately accommodated. "I just assumed it didn't happen here," she said. "Sex is a topic that has not come up here and that does surprise me some. I'm sure some residents think about sex, but they don't talk about it." Clay noted that while she hasn't discussed sex with anyone, "I still have a desire. If I get a need, I'll read or play music. I have a belief that you do not have sex unless you're married. "But, I'm not going to say I wouldn't like to see some nice-looking gentleman come in here." That last line killed me.  Pay attention to Beverly Clay's statements about marriage.  This was a recurring theme in the articles, that many of the residents hold back because of religious beliefs.  Remember, these are people who came of age long before the so-called Sexual Revolution.  What happens when the baby boomers start hitting the homes?  Hell, what happens when the MTV Spring Break generation starts hitting the homes?  The ladies won't be yearning for men with hair anymore; it'll all be "Oh!  Let me see your tattoo!  Can I stretch out the skin to see what it used to look like?" As someone who hopes to be an elderly person someday, I find all of this heartening.  I just hope I still have some hair left for Jane to run her fingers through. Finally, suffice it to say that when you do a Google search for "nursing homes" and "sex", you could end up in some very strange corners of the internet.  You can also take your choice of really bad joke sites.  However, I did come across one that made me at least smile a bit. A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple days later, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc - 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." There was a moment of stunned silence before the Dr. said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." So, here's to old age.  May we all get there with enough gumption left to see what all this fuss is about. 12:05:17 PM    Say what?[]

But really, who doesn't have a thing for Jodie Foster? Hinkley On The Town A federal judge has ruled that John Hinkley, would-be assassin of Ronald Reagan, has regained sufficient mental clarity that he should be allowed to go on chaperoned trips with his parents in the D.C. area.  The Secret Service is to be notified whenever Hinkley is leaving the hospital.  Is anybody going to notify Jodie Foster?  I mean, really, Hinkley never gave much of a damn about Reagan.  He only wanted to impress Foster, so much so that he left this note for her: "I'm asking you to please look into your heart and at least give me the chance, with this historical deed, to gain your respect and love." But poor John didn't realize Jodie Foster already had a thing for Sirhan Sirhan.  Obviously, Hinkley was crazy.  I mean, Foster was what, 17 at the time?  Kids that age have no sense of history anyway.  How awkward will it be for Hinkley to be out and about in the D.C. area while Foster is still a prominent actess?  You know there's going to be an awkward silence whenever he passes one of her movie posters with his parents.  I'm sure the hospital he stays at has pretty much had to blacklist films like Panic Room and Silence of the Lambs.  Of course, that's probably a good idea even if Hinkley's not a patient. And if they're not notifying her, does this pretty much mean Jodie Foster can't go to DC anymore?  Can you imagine the horror of being Jodie Foster, standing at one of those stands buying an FBI T-Shirt outside the Smithsonian, when a disheveled middle-aged man comes up with his elderly parents and tells her what a big fan he is?  Of course, she probably wouldn't recognize him.  After all, it has been 20 years.  The tipoff would be when he asked her to sign his subway map, "...and please, make it out to John.  John Hinkley."  Yikes! The thing about the Hinkley/Reagan deal that I consistently heard glossed over yesterday was the fact that Reagan emerged relatively unscathed, unlike James Baker.  I remember the day it happened very well.  I was in sixth grade, coming home from school, when some other kids said Reagan had been shot.  I was old enough to know that was a big deal, and ran home to watch footage.  I remember the Secret Service guy with the Uzi most vividly. And here we are, 20 years later.  Reagan's alive, but lost in a cloud of dementia.  Hinkley has seemingly emerged from his dementia enough to be allowed to walk the streets of DC again.  And James Brady's family still aches. 10:41:19 AM    Say what?[]

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