Snap Test
As Linus gets older, he tries to assert his independence over more aspects of his life. Usually, this has to do with him taking over any of the dozens of mundane details that we must all go through in the course of the day: getting dressed, brushing our teeth, getting into a car, etc.
Now, given how much I pine in this space for Linus to grow into the world , you would think I would welcome these manifestations of independence, and in a larger sense, I do. For instance, I like that he can get his own cup out of the cupboard and put water in it without spilling (much). I like that he takes increasing pride in his ability to help and to do things on his own. It gives him a sense of self and accomplishment.
But in a smaller sense, i.e. a daily let's-hurry-the-hell-up-and-get-going sense, these behaviors are progress in name only. It's much faster for me to do everything for him than it is for me to try to let him do certain things on his own. Much faster. And speed isn't even the main consideration. Well, it is, but the main problem with the lack of speed isn't that it takes longer to do any given thing. It's that it drives you freaking crazy trying to deal with all the things he insists on doing himself but isn't quite ready to do consistently.
Take pants. Every morning, I live the same maddening drama. After spending 15 minutes rousing Linus, we must confront the pants issue. I select a pair of pants out of those pants which are clean. While Linus has a lot of pants, he has decreed that the following pants are excluded from consideration: Pants that button, pants that are too long, pants that are too short, pants that look different, pants that have stripes, corduroy pants, pants that are also overalls, and most importantly, Pants That He Cannot Snap. It's that last one that is the killer. After excluding all the other pants he owns but cannot wear, we are left with perhaps six pairs of pants that fit his exacting criteria.
But that's before the Snap Test. After I lay out his clothes, I sit and watch him pull up his pants, before the moment of truth arrives: Can he snap his pants? If he can't snap them together, he grows either angry, despondent, frustrated, dismissive or some combination of the above. He'll either whine or growl about the fact that he can't button them, and then he'll turn away from me. So, I have to get new pants. Then we repeat the drama, as many times as necessary. Finally, once he has pants he can snap, we can move on with the rest of our day.
It won't do me any good to reason with him. I can't just force him to wear Pants He Cannot Snap, nor can I help him snap them. If I try to bypass the Snap Test, he'll simply bawl and be non-functional for as long as necessary, whatever it takes to get the proper pants. The horror of the Snap Test is that pants that are declared unfit on one day are perfectly snappable the next day. And some pants get so little effort. I know he can snap some of these pants, if he were to just try harder and line up the snaps better. But no, all pants get one try. It doesn't matter if he's half-assing it, or half-asleep, or if the parts aren't even in the same zip code when he tries to push them together. If he pushes his fingers together and they don't magically form a mechanical union around his waist, then good riddance to those pants! But try telling him that, and see what happens. Trying to intervene in the outcome of the Snap Test is tantamount to setting your morning back beyond recovery. He will simply resist everything you try to do the rest of the day, and he'll do it while screaming. It's great!
When you're a parent-in-waiting, or a parent of a very young child who is not yet independent-minded, you never see yourself in these scenarios. You'll see other parents go through these elaborate rituals at the beck-and-call of their children, and you might think to yourself with smug self-assurance, "That'll never be me." But it will be you. You might not have to endure the Snap Test each morning, or the Feed The Dog Debacle, or the I Don't Wear A Pullup Anymore, But I Still Piss My Pants At Night Policy, but if it's not that, it'll be something else.
Of course, you want these things to happen. You need them to happen. The alternative is that you do everything for them forever, and that's not going to work. Every morning, I tell myself this is a good thing. He's getting bigger. In three months, he won't give pant-snapping a second thought. He'll be on to tying his shoes, or something else. There will always be Something Else for him to want to do, and not quite be ready to do. And I'll just have to sit back and let him work it out. It's hard to tell your kids "no", when they want to try these things. Self-sufficiency and taking on challenges are not things to be discouraged.
But man, it sure can be hard some days. Watching your kids grow up can be hard emotionally, but it can also be a grating and frustrating experience when you get right down to the pragmatics of daily life. But as is usually the case, while he's growing, he's helping me grow, too. I've grown to realize that sometimes, there's nothing else to do but sit back and watch the kid try to snap his own pants.
3:36:04 PM 
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