Caustic Caucus
We had too much on our plate last night. Jane and I thought maybe we could just show up at our local caucus site, declare our support for our given candidate, John "Dead Man Walking" Edwards, and leave to go grocery shopping with the kids.
Fat chance.
We got to within four blocks of the caucus location and hit bumper-to-bumper traffic, in a spot in St. Paul that never has that kind of traffic. Eventually, we pulled up to Highland Park Jr. High, and the place was just a madhouse. Driven by my urge to participate in the Democratic process, I made a snap decision to have Jane just drop Linus and I off, while she and Lily went shopping. She said, "How will you get home?", and I blurted out that we would call her later. With that, the boy and I entered our first Minnesota DFL caucus, with absolutely no idea what to expect. (To clarify, "DFL" is really "Democrat" in Minnesota-speak. It stands for Democratic-Farmer-Labor.)
It went down like this...
After consulting a map to see which ward and precinct we were in, we found our room, a standard-size middle school classroom which proceeded to pack in 102 people. Linus and I grabbed some floor and scanned the crowd for people we knew. There were only four, which tells you how neighborly and social we are. It was also during this scan of the crowd of 102 that I was reminded of just how completely white Minnesota is. There were two Hispanics, two Asians...and that was the minority count. Bear in mind, this ain't the suburbs. This is inside the city! And it's the Democratic caucus!
There were three major orders of business that needed to be done last night:
- Cast Presidential Ballots;
- Elect delegates to go to the state DFL convention, where they will then divy up the electoral votes by representing the outcome of last night's precinct election, and;
- Present resolutions for the party platform
Now, the first thing you should know is that the turnout completely overwhelmed caucus organizers, who said it was the biggest turnout since Vietnam. There were many, many people there who were energized to come out and be a part of turning back the Bush Administration by casting their vote for one of the Dem candidates. Somebody said that they expected to have about 30 people in the room, so the turnout of 102 tells you plenty about the sentiments of the crowd. Like me, they were primarily, probably even exclusively interested in casting a ballot for a Dem Presidential nominee.
And that was a problem for some people. You see, a lot of the folks who show up at these caucuses are involved. Yeah, they care about beating Bush, very much so, but they are probably much more involved in the party at a local level, like, who is the precinct chair, will our platform have an anti-stadium funding plank, who will get to go to the convention, and so forth. These are people who want to tell you about the true Democratic spirit of Minnesota in great detail, and they are just as likely to want to give long tributes to Huburt H. Humphrey as they are to Paul Wellstone.
We're talking hardcore local activists, here. And so, when a vote came up to do the Presidential balloting first, there were rumblings from this crowd, which I'll call the DFL Army. The DFL Army was dismayed that we would not do resolutions first, because, as one crusty gent bellowed, "That's the whole point of this thing. We have to let them know what we stand for! If you don't participate in the platform, you aren't really participating at all." Then he turned to one of his fellow DFL infantry and said loudly, "If we do that balloting first, this room's going to empty out."
To which about 70% of the room nodded and said, "Yep." Hey, it's not that we don't care about "what we stand for". But there were 102 people in a small, hot room. Do we really all need to sit there and hear these people talk about their pet amendment for the Arctic Wildlife Refuge? What's more, does that have any bearing at all in this year, relative to the Presidential race? No, it does not.
So, a motion is raised to do the balloting first. It was at this point that I realized how this thing was going to go. They use a loose sort of parliamentary procedure. Actually, they believe it to be a very tight sort of parliamentary procedure, but it's not, as we'll see in a moment. The thing is, these DFL Army types are used to just arguing amongst themselves and having their little votes. Now that there were 70 "outsiders" in the room, things were going to go a little different than they hoped.
The outsiders win. We vote first. This is good, because Linus is already getting bored. So they pass out the slips and we write down our choices, and then they start to count.
In the meantime, a lot of hooey breaks out about things I don't care about. Who will hold what offices? Who will be a secretary? Who this? Who that? And hey, wouldn't you know it, but a lot of the parliamentary procedure lawyers and DFL army and whatnot, they aren't volunteering for these positions. In fact, nobody is volunteering. Maybe they were too menial, I don't know. Ultimately, a young couple is shamed into accepting the precinct chair positions, and are roundly cheered for their faux gusto. Then the DFL Army makes them give a speech, because, as one of the DFL Army shouted from the back of the room, "We want to know a little bit about them, if they're going to represent us!" That's great. You don't volunteer, but then you grill the poor people who accepted the position out of guilt because people like you didn't pipe up.
Their speech? "This is our name, we live in this part of St. Paul, and we just want to be involved." Wild cheering erupts. Yeah, except they didn't want to be involved, but whatever. For reasons I don't understand, this speech satisfied the needs of the woman who demanded it, like, "Oh...they really do want to be involved? Good enough for me!"
So then, the DFL Army suffers the ultimate indignity: Someone actually has the temerity to suggest that we elect delegates next, and then do the resolutions last, because that's what the fewest people will have interest in, because apparently, choosing delegates doesn't take too long, while the resolutions can go on for quite awhile.
Gnashing of teeth! Murmurs of disapproval!
So they vote on which will come first. Bear in mind, there are 102 people in the room, although some have left at this point because the balloting is done. But I would say there are still at least 90 people in the room, and the only reason Linus and I are among them is because I want to hear the outcome of the vote.
The vote breaks down like this...
No, wait. I should say the first vote is a voice vote. The "Ayes" seem to me to be about even with the "Nays", but the people running the meeting, who are sensible people, want this motion to fail, so they say the Nays have it.
Gnashing of teeth! Murmurs of disapproval! And then a motion from the Army: "I move we have an actual vote!" A quick second from the Army followed, and many eyes were rolled around the room.
So, the vote breaks down like this: 26 people want the resolutions to come first. 26 people want the delegate selection to come first. Yes, that's right. 52 out of 90 or so people vote, and it's a freaking tie. Then, after the vote, a couple people say, "Oh, but I didn't vote, and I think I really do want to hear those resolutions first!" A member of the DFL Army then pipes up and says, "I move we have a second vote!", followed by a quick second.
Then, unbelievably, they start to have another vote! Well, enough is enough. I stand up and say, "Uh...you can't just have a second vote. The motion was made, and it failed. A tie is not a passed measure. It's a failed measure. Shall we move on to delegate selection?" After I say this, there is murmuring from the crowd, among which I hear somebody say, "Well, he's got us." Yo, I wasn't a Student Congress champ for nothing!
Then they began delegate selection, but I know when I've had too much of a petty thing, so after sneaking a peak at the ballot envelope to get the results, Linus and I bailed. For all I know, they were there till midnight. They may still be there, having their motions and votes among all the confused middle school students trying to have their class, who are wondering to themselves, "This is Democracy?"
Yes, it is. I guess. I wanted to make a motion that we just have a primary instead. Afterwards, I talked to Friend of Pipeline David B., who is an experienced hand at this level of politics. He had warned me about what I would see there, and he was right. In fairness, he says that in years where there are actual local races going on (there really aren't any this year), the caucus system can be valuable.
But in general, David believes you couldn't design a more participation unfriendly system if you tried. I concur. There were so many people who showed up last night, who so clearly wanted to participate. At some level, you have to dig into the detail. But man, when you spend 80% of your time arguing about silly motions, and then denigrating all the newcomers because they don't want to commit four hours on a weeknight to hear your special pet platform, how can you expect that to bring in new members?
Now I understand why the GOP does so well. Hell, all they have to do is give their money.
Oh, and the results of our precinct vote?
- Kerry, 48
- Edwards, 26
- Kucinich, 19
- Dean, 6
- Clark, 1
- Sharpton, 1
- Uncommitted, 1
- Joe Lieberman, 0
So, Kucinich and Dean combined for 25% of the vote tally. Perfect. "Dead Man Walking", indeed.
Argumentative White Liberals. God love us.
11:08:33 AM 
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