Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Tiptoe Through the Transcript Sitting on the desk in front of me right now is a copy of my college transcript.  It describes events from my lifetime anywhere from 12 to 17 years ago.  It seems neither a shorter or longer time ago than that; 12 to 17 years seems about right.  It was long enough ago that I can gaze upon this record and be reminded of many things long forgotten, but not so long ago that certain lines don't have the ability to jump up and grab me and take me right back to a specific spot in Emporia, Kansas. What did I forget?  I forgot how much I padded my GPA with credit hours for things like "Studies in High School Debate", which was really just getting credit for doing things I was already doing in the first place, and even then I wasn't really doing anything at all. I forgot about what a consistent "B" student I was--In 10 college semesters, my GPA was always between 2.93 and 3.21.  Well, except my first semester, when I was a 2.77, which would have been worse had I not received a "B" in Racquetball.  How, exactly, does one get a "B" in Racquetball?  Probably by not showing up for class, which, as I now sit back and take a long gander at my official record, explains an awful lot of my pedestrian performance.  I was the kind of student who didn't much like going to class.  This is especially curious given that my classes were usually no more than a 2 minute walk from my dorm room.  In fact, of all the myriad great reasons students have for not going to class, I didn't need any of them.  My classes were usually not in the early morning, so sleeping in wasn't the issue.  I hadn't discovered drugs for most of my college life, so that wasn't the issue.  I didn't typically have a girlfriend that I was spending time with, so that wasn't the issue.  In fairness to me, I did miss a lot of class travelling for college debate.  But I missed even more class travelling to the Kwik Shop for a Coke, or travelling to my dorm TV lounge to watch MTV or play whiffleball. I never got a "D", but I did get an "F" once.  It was a Classic Fuck Up, and it stemmed from, you guessed it, a lack of class attendance.  The class was Experimental Psychology.  It was a tough class, and the professer was a no-nonsense guy who would eventually be the department head.  I ended up getting two bachelor's degrees, one in Psychology and one in Communication, so this was an important class for my degree track, and this was an important professor to impress. But, not so important that I felt that I needed to attend class every day.  The tests came and went, and I did so-so.  It turned out that by the end of the class, all I needed to do was get a "D" on the final and I would get a "B" in the class.  But I would nearly have to kill the final to get an "A" in the class, and I didn't think that was possible.  I decided to aim for the "B".  (That last statement would work well as an epitaph for me.) I didn't bother to show up for the last couple classes before the final.  I don't remember why, specifically.  I'm sure there was no good reason.  I just needed to show up before the final, get my "D", and I was set.  The night before the class, I went to a Faith No More concert in Lawrence.  The final was at 8:00 am the next morning, but no problem.  I'd just study a bit after I got back from the concert at about 3:00 am, then go take the test, then sleep.  I showed up at our class right on time...but the room was empty.  Huh.  I wandered over to the prof's office, warily, and there on the wall was a sheet posting all of our scores.  My ID code had an "F" next to it.  Seems there was this little provision that you had to take the final in order to receive credit.  And, since the class had voted during one of the classes I missed to move the final exam date, well... Based on my experience, I would say that 90% of all "F's" that students receive aren't because they can't handle the material.  Most are because the students fuck up in ways large and small, and they do so consistently.  And it doesn't just happen with F's; it happens all up and down the transcript.  I'm no brain wizard, but I'm pretty sure I could have increased my GPA by at least a half point by simply attending more classes.  Brilliant people who don't put the work in end up in the same spot as people who don't have much on the ball, but who work hard.  My transcript says that loud and clear, even after all these years. 2:35:07 PM    Say what?[]

My Wife Is A Card-Carrying Member of the NRA It's true.  Her stuff arrived in the mail yesterday.  My wife is now a full-fledged member of the National Rifle Association.  She is a member because her brother signed her up.  I think he did this as a joke, but sort of one of those jokes with a purpose.  Her brother is a member of the NRA, I believe; I remember he made a comment once about voting for Bush in 2000 because Al Gore wanted to take his gun away. Her brother reads this site (Hello, Tom!), so I'll keep the political commentary in this post to a minimum out of respect for his beliefs, as well as respect for his gun.  I will say, though, that you really should go visit the NRA site.  There's lots of good stuff there, including the chance to win Charlton Heston's "My Cold Dead Hands" rifle. I'm guessing that much of my readership hasn't had the pleasure of receiving an NRA Welcome Package in the mail, so I'd like to fill you in on what that includes. There are letters and such, welcoming us to the Association.  Standard fare there. There is a ballistics chart, which looks a little bit like a cardboard slide rule that you can fit in the pocket of your shooting vest, or a standard collared shirt.  You can look up a given make and model of the most popular rifles, and then determine bullet trajectory, velocity, impact force and other things from various distances.  Now, I don't know about you, but most people I've known who have guns, who really like guns, know this about their gun already.  They could recite it like their phone number or social security number.  I think this chart is for people who might have dozens of guns, and can't keep it all straight.  Let's say you're in the field.  You see a deer at 1200 feet away.  You have all 18 of your rifles with you, but which one will drop that deer with maximum efficiency?  You want to use the Springfield 30.06.  Some would say that the AK-47 is the choice, but that's really more for a herd of deer at closer range. Also included in the welcome pack are the obligatory NRA stickers, which you can put on your truck or SUV right next to your American flag. There is a check order form, so that you can order bank checks with gun themes.  I was very partial to the one with the U.S. Constitution, which features the part of the document that has the writing, "We the People" on it.  That's also a popular item with the Family Research Council these days. There is a special offer for life accidental death and dismemberment (ADD) insurance.  Seems the NRA gets a group rate.  Insert joke here. There is an offer for your very own NRA hat.  Now, I like hats.  Would I wear an NRA hat?  Oh, I think I probably would in some circumstances, just for comedy value.  But I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for one.  Turns out, I don't.  The hat offer says that we are entitled to the hat, and if we want it they'll send it to us.  Or, we can refuse the hat and the cost of the hat will go toward strengthening the NRA's organization worldwide. We're getting the hat. Tom, make sure to tell us what your PETA Welcome Pack contains, OK? 11:32:49 AM    Say what?[]

Woodstock I checked out the director's cut of the Woodstock movie from the library.  I thought it might be interesting to show Linus Jimi Hendrix's performance.  I've also never seen the whole movie, and I'll probably try to check that out at some point, too. Hendrix is the last performer to take the stage.  And, since this version was on VHS, I had to fast-forward though a good part of the movie to find the right spots.  (How quickly DVD chapters have spoiled me...)  In the course of stopping the tape to see which part of the concert I was at, I saw several snippets of the movie, including some crowd interviews and some performances.  Sly and the Family Stone were probably the highlight of what I saw.  Awesome stuff. Anyway, during the parts of the film shot during the day, you can see what an immense crowd there is.  It was (and may still be) the largest recorded gathering of people in one place, ever.  There are just people who stretch back from the stage as far as you can see.  It's mind-boggling. But here's the thing: By the time Hendrix plays, there are perhaps 2000 people there, all crowded up at the stage.  Seriously, there's almost nobody there.  At several points during Hendrix's unreal performance, the camera is behind him, and as you look out at the crowd, what you see mostly is a vast pile of mud and garbage that extends up the hill, where hours and days earlier there were people.  I have to to think that Hendrix's performance ranks right up there with Wilt Chamberlin's 100 point game, in the sense that the ratio of people who claim to have seen it live, to those who actually did, is probably something like 10,000 to 1.  Now, I don't blame people for leaving.  You can only live in mud and without much food or water for so long.  And it's not clear to me that people really had much of an idea who was going to play at any given time.  Maybe people didn't know that leaving early would cause them to miss perhaps the most historic performance in the history of rock and roll. As Jane and I talked about this last night, while Hendrix's "Are You Experienced?" played on the stereo, she said:  "I wonder how many couples there are in this country right now who, when the subject of Jimi Hendrix comes up, give each other a dirty look because one of them made the other leave Woodstock early for some bullshit reason and miss Jimi Hendrix?" You know those people are out there. 11:08:36 AM    Say what?[]

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