The Day I've Been Waiting For
For many years now, starting long before I was even married, I have imagined what my child's first day of kindergarten would be like. Not so much what it would be like for them, though I certainly think about that a lot. I think more about what it will be like for me.
To me, kindergarten is an important milestone in life. I think of it as the beginning of a child's journey through life on their own terms. In reality, Linus has already started this journey, having been in a school setting for the last three years of his daycare. Still, it's an important day in his life: new friends, new building, buses to ride. He knows he's a big kid now.
Of course, there's the very real possibility that I am projecting, that he doesn't view it as any big deal at all, or that if he does it's only because I'm always talking to him about it. There's probably some truth in that, but I can tell he's pretty excited about his first day.
I always imagined him getting on a bus, which is odd because I never rode a bus. Lo and behold, he will be getting on a bus this Thursday.
I always imagined Jane and I standing at the corner, watching our child get on, and waving to them as the bus drove away. I always imagined them running on, so happy to go. Everybody's smiling, but once the bus leaves, I always cry. I try not to let my kid see me; I imagine these are tears that only parents can truly understand.
Thursday will probably be a little bit different than I've imagined. Linus is shy around new people; I hope he does run on to that bus, but I'm expecting his steps to be, if not packed with the emotions Jane and I will feel, at least a bit tentative.
But the waving part will be true, and I'll surely cry as well. Maybe not then, though I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe later that night as I lay in bed and think about my son's new world. Or perhaps someday down the road, when I think about how my boy's world includes so many people, and remember fondly the days when it was so much smaller, and my role in it so much larger.
His world starts to get a lot bigger on Thursday.
In other school related news...
Baby Got Backpack
Fortunately, I have not been involved in any of the school shopping, which means I got to miss out on what may have been the most agonizing instance of consumer brain lock Linus has ever experienced.
He needed a new backpack for school. He has several nice backpacks now, but they are all too small for a "big kid's" needs. Jane took Linus and Lily to Target, and that's where Linus was confronted with too many choices.
The first problem was the backpacks that were Linus's size were all either "girl" themes, or they were completely age inappropriate. And allow me to say that no lectures on gender roles will be tolerated here, unless you happened to go through a portion of your fifth grade life known as Nancy Drew because of your lunchbox, so I don't want to fucking hear it.
Besides, Linus wasn't attracted to the girl backpacks as much as he was one for the "Wiggles". He was lured to it by a plastic toy trumpet that came with the bag. This was a disaster waiting to happen, which you would know if you ever saw the Wiggles. Actually, that's not fair, since I haven't seen the Wiggles. I'm not sure if Jane has, either, but we both have a very specific feeling that the Wiggles are not what you want to have on your backpack on your first day of kindergarten.
And no, no lectures will be tolerated about giving my kid a complex about being "cool". There are some times when a parent just has to step in to prevent what they see as a disaster that the kid could just as easily avoid with a little direction. Siblings can also do that, but Linus has none and we got his back. My child isn't going to represent the Wiggles around the people he'll be spending the next seven years of his life with. However, if it so happens that the Wiggles are the "it" backpack of the season, Linus will be better for bucking that trend and blazing his own trail of individualism, which the chicks always go for.
And blaze a trail of individualism is exactly what Linus will be doing with his new Spiderman(tm) backpack! Yeah, I know. I will tolerate lectures about the commodification and selling out of my child to branding. I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I remember being a kid and knowing how much Star Wars merchandise kicked my ass. And, I like Spiderman, whose comics I read way back in the day. On the other hand, Linus now has Spiderman pj's, shirts, underwear, a lunchbox, the movie, a hat, several toys, two backpacks (and a bonus fanny pack!) and probably a bunch of other shit I don't even remember.
Fucking merchandise. It's everywhere, and it's inevitable. So much so that I don't see any reason to go out of my way to make my kid not have something he wants. It would just be depriving him to make myself feel better. The fact is, he needed to make a decision on a backpack, and there were only so many options to choose from.
The other option? The Hulk. Marvel Universe, indeed.
Jane says when Linus was presented with these two options he just stood and stared, mouth agape, for what had to be 15 seconds. She grew impatient. "You have to make a decision, Linus. Hulk or Spiderman. What's it going to be?" I can only imagine how aggravating this must have been for Jane, because there are times when Linus can move at a pace that makes glaciers seem like a wild ride. Not only that, but she had Lily too, and had endured far too much to that point of Linus's new infatuation with Purchasing Everything.
But her pleas were not heard. Linus just kept staring blankly at Spiderman, then Hulk, then back again. His head simply couldn't process that he was getting such a cool and enormous backpack, with a life-size figure of either Spiderman or Hulk on it. He stared at Spiderman, then Hulk, then Spiderman some more.
By this time, I imagine Jane bending at the waist, getting in his face. "Look, man. I'm going to count to 10, and then you have to tell me which one you want, or you're not getting either of them. One."
"Two"
And three and so on, all the way to eight, when Linus suddenly sprang to life. "No, no! Wait...let me try them both on again."
Like there was ever any doubt which one he was coming home with.
11:36:22 PM 
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