Sex Talk
Ideally, people have a chance to imagine what being a parent will be like before they actually become parents. Being an actual parent won't be anything like what it was imagined to be, but at least some things can be anticipated. For example, most people anticipate that explaining sex to their kids will be a moment. It might be delicate or special or uncomfortable, either in imagination or reality, but it's certainly going to be something. It's the kind of thing you think about a lot before it happens. Other examples of this phenomenon might include the Drugs Talk, the Death Talk, and the 2000 Election Talk.
Sometimes these talks can be planned, but sometimes they happen out of the blue, and suddenly you might find yourself driving along with a mouth full of a Krispy Kreme cinnamon bun when you realize the Sex Talk is upon you.
It started with a discussion of black cows as we were driving to the cabin last Sunday to take the dock out of the water. We joked about how the black cows make chocolate milk, which then somehow turned into a discussion of genetics, which then somehow led Linus to ask about pregnancy. I explained about the egg, and the sperm. I then explained how the egg and the sperm get together, via the vagina and the penis. I was very matter-of-fact, because of course those are facts.
After I finished, Jane quiety said "good job" to me as we drove along. And yes, I did swell with pride after having passed one of those parenting milestones with so little warning. Of course, I hadn't explained much beyond what body parts did what and what happened internally after that. For example, I didn't explain exactly how the penis came into contact with the vagina; I figured that was something I'd rather mull over, and I was glad he hadn't asked any further questions.
However, regular readers will know that I'm an idiot, so I then said, "So, does that answer your questions about that?" He said, "No. What does it look like?"
"Excuse me?"
"What does it look like, when cows do that thing that makes them have babies?" Jane sniggered while I stammered and stalled for time.
Then I said, "Like this!", and mounted Jane. No, just kidding. That would be very dangerous while driving. What I really said was pretty much how it was. I said the male cow sort of got behind the female cow, and, well, you know how the rest of the story goes, and if you don't ask your parents.
He hasn't said anything else about it since. I should have taken the opportunity to say that only grown ups can do that thing, but I decided I would let it rest and give the matter some thought before launching willy nilly into Sex Talk, Chapter Two.
10:02:54 PM 
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